Wedding ring

TamiC · Feb 18, 2008

I lost my husband and best friend 5 1/2 months ago (after 19 wonderful years of marriage). I took my wedding ring off 2 weeks after he died. I had a little ceremony all by myself, read scripture, prayed, cried, and sensed the Lord's presence. I loved my husband with everything I had and then some, but taking off my ring was part of saying goodbye (for me). I've been learning that there are no "right" or "wrong" ways or timeframes in grieving (unless something is illegal or immoral). I saved my ring and plan to re-set it for my future daughter-in-law. Like you -- if God so blesses me -- I hope to marry a godly man again some day. I didn't take my ring off so I could "get a date" (as someone actually had the nerve to say to me!), but rather as another step forward in this long and arduous grief journey. Blessings to you. Read Psalm 3 today for comfort. You'll be in my prayers.

InHisCare · Feb 20, 2008

As they were getting my husband ready for emergency surgery they had to remove his wedding ring. He was alert enough to protest (he never took it off) and the nurse told him that if they left it on it would cause harm to him if he swelled after surgery. I told him I would take good care of it. I kissed him and told him I loved him. He never woke up again. He was in a comma for a week before I had to make the decision to discontinue his life support. I wore my wedding ring for many months after his death. One day as I was driving I looked at my ring and the memory of what the nurse had said came back to me. If I left it on, it would cause more harm. I took it off that day and put it away to give to my son one day. My daughter has her dad's wedding ring on a chain on her neck. She never takes it off. We all heal in our own way and in our own time. Don't feel like you are on some type of schedule. I pray your pain will ease as time passes.

CRASH2008 · Feb 23, 2008

My husband died July 2006 and as I wore a lot of rings taking my wedding band and engagement rings off did not even cross my mind until..... I had gained a lot of weight in the last 2 years of his life so getting the rings off was hard to say the least.

September 2007 I started to diet when I could no longer stand myself being so fat. After a few weeks then a month or more I decided I would remove my rings when they easily came off of my fingers. This actually ended up applying to all of the 9 rings I wore. I began to give them to nieces and friends but kept both of our bands and put them in a wooden box together with some of his ashes.

Ideally what I would like to have done is when I die and am cremated some of my ashes placed in this same box then the box buried anyplace - HEY we won't be here so why place an unreasonable demand on those left behind.

I now wear 2 rings both from my former grouping of 9 but no ring on the ring finger of either hand and neither one of them are a weddng band - they sit in the wooden box.

I had been told by some that some people never take their rings off after the loss of a spouse and that seems fine too. I truthfully believe it is to each his own and in his/her own timing.

There can be no rules for grieving and removing your ring can be a part of grieving for many.

cajunhillbilly · Feb 23, 2008

We lost my mom in 1990. My dad has never removed his wedding ring. He is now 87 and looking forward to seeing Mom again.

HisLittleHazelnut · Mar 11, 2008

I am on my second engagement. I haven't been married but losing a fiance is devastating too and sometimes in these "widows/widowers" type of forums they don't seem to recognize that and want you out of there... but anyway...

I still wear my old fiance's ring. Albeit, it is now on my right hand, it is still there, and my current fiance is just fine with that. In fact, when I got my ring, my current fiance took the one from the old one off and placed it on my right hand to prove he was okay with the fact that I loved that man and would always love him.

dellinw · Mar 11, 2008

Revenwyn said:
I am on my second engagement. I haven't been married but losing a fiance is devastating too and sometimes in these "widows/widowers" type of forums they don't seem to recognize that and want you out of there... but anyway...

I still wear my old fiance's ring. Albeit, it is now on my right hand, it is still there, and my current fiance is just fine with that. In fact, when I got my ring, my current fiance took the one from the old one off and placed it on my right hand to prove he was okay with the fact that I loved that man and would always love him.

Reven, I think that is awesome, you are blessed to have 2 loves in this lifetime. I was married to my one and only for 43yrs. Its been 9 mo since he left me for his heavenly home. God Blesss you and your fiancee.
Helen

memoriesbymichelle · Mar 12, 2008

Revenwyn said:
I am on my second engagement. I haven't been married but losing a fiance is devastating too and sometimes in these "widows/widowers" type of forums they don't seem to recognize that and want you out of there... but anyway...

I still wear my old fiance's ring. Albeit, it is now on my right hand, it is still there, and my current fiance is just fine with that. In fact, when I got my ring, my current fiance took the one from the old one off and placed it on my right hand to prove he was okay with the fact that I loved that man and would always love him.

I feel sad hearing that someone would not recognize that losing a fiance would make you worthy or unworthy to post or not...I think it is almost more devastating because you didn't get to share your life with him as you both planned. I am so thankful that you have found a man that understands the love you previously had and respects that. That will make him easier to love in the long run. What a blessing that man will be to your soul. I, for one, certainly recognize your previous loss....and thank you for sharing your story here.

c1ners · Mar 12, 2008

It's been over 20 years, and I still wear my wedding band. I switched it to my right hand, but I still wear it.

memoriesbymichelle · Mar 12, 2008

I wear my husbands band on my right hand. Unfortunately my wedding ring was in need of a diamond replacement and it was in a bag in my truck.....and someone broke in and stole the bag! Must have happened for a reason....

theoneleftbehind · Jun 17, 2008

My wife died two weeks ago she was buired with her wedding ring on so will wear it till the end of time and my view is that she placed my ring on my hand in front of God so it would be an insult to my wife and God for me to take it off so I plan to be buried with my ring still where she left it

profmom · Jun 26, 2008

I have been at different places emotionally over these past 13 months. When his death was fresh, I couldn't imagine ever taking off the ring. As time passed, I removed the 'wedding' portion of the ring and just wore the diamond. As even more time went by, I moved the diamond to the right hand. Now, I only wear it when a little more dressed up. I think this is all part of the healing process. I will never judge a person for wearing or not wearing the ring. My son is looking at getting engaged soon - he is not Dan's son, but I am thinking about offering him the diamonds to make a ring for his love. Not sure, but maybe.......

ThinkJesus · Jul 7, 2008

It's been interesting to read everyone's post. It has been 6 months for me and I still wear my ring. I'll wear it until I decide that it is time to move it to another finger/hand or to take it off. Best wishes to everyone dealing with grief.

APaladinsHeart · Sep 1, 2008

It has been right at 4 months for me.
I figure that when I find out what I want to do with our rings, that's when I'll be ready not to wear it anymore. I'm keeping her ring for our niece Lilly (we had no children of our own). Those were two peas in a pod.
As for my ring, I know that I am no longer married. We fullfilled our wedding vows. We loved, honored, and cherished until death parted us.
We won!! We beat this world.
Still I wear it every day. I don't know what I'll do with it. I won't take it off till I'm ready to move on, or until God tells me I must move on ready or not.
Seek His counsel, and His wisdom. He promises great things to us, if we do.

singingwife · Sep 3, 2008

Good to hear. I feel more encouraged. I don't want to take mine off yet, and thankfully haven't been pressured to.

kevin4him · Sep 3, 2008

I haven't been around in a few months but dropped by to read some posts and this thread caught my eye. I had taken my wedding ring off and placed it along with my wife's ring and put them in a safe. I had to leave town for a few days and when I returned the safe was missing along with a lot of cherished things that have so much sentimental value to me. It all came out that my 20 year old daughter had some friends over and those friends invited other friends and somebody that night took the safe. The police did find the safe but everything was gone and they told me I would probably never see those things again or find out who did it. I feel sick to my stomach that the rings are gone forever. I'm just trying to figure out if there is some reason for this happening when I was just starting to find a little joy again after losing my wife last February.
It's been a hard journey and I know things will get better but I'm so angry at my daughter for going against my wishes by having strangers in my home while I was away. I feel so violated and hurt that our rings are gone! They represented our love and commitment we had for each other for 20 years. It is a such a shame how low some people can go!

singingwife · Sep 4, 2008

Kevin, I'm SO sorry this happened! While I may not be able to relate to your anger at your daughter's disobedience, I'm sad too that some people will take stuff; not ever knowing how precious they are!
Praying for you now.

kevin4him · Sep 4, 2008

Thanks for the prayers Singingwife! I will be praying for you as well. I read your thread and I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you have to walk this painful road. I'm finding that Gods grace is sufficient even in the midst all of this heart ache. My prayer is you will find God's comfort and peace during this most difficult time!
God Bless !

In Memory · Sep 13, 2008

I wear my and my husband ring on my left hand. I don`t think I will be taking them off for a very long time. I received a 10 year anniversary ring that my husband bought before he was killed because he was not happy with the engagement ring that he bought me and got it a month after the funeral as no one was sure how to break the news to me about it. (I found out from my dentist!) I was at a Coping Centre and one of the consoulers still wears the ring that her husband gave her on her left hand and new husband`s on her right..

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