*edited some language out* (I only left one in there)
Situations lead to stress; lead to frustration; leads to stress; leads to here. And here I am being raped emotionally. Here in public humiliatingly for stuff thats my fault.
IT'S MY FAULT!
It's my fault that I'm a dissapointment! It's my fault I'm a failure, It's my fault that I can't meet the expectations of a normal human being or, from all these people who claim to have it all together... but now it's all broken. Or more like shattered. My mural of life has faltered, my philosophies halted, and I know don't what else to do with my life but stop it.
STOP IT!
This must be the feeling on Mt. Gathsemeny; or even the way that Hitler felt with Hymrick Muler deceived him. And I'm not only at the end of my rope I'm hanging on to the frayed strings. But this rope has caused me nothing but blisters, being thread with nothing but disasters and pastures of thorns and painful things.
It's like anything I do I can't win. And that monster is eating my insides and all I can do is cry through this pen. Rejection mounting my emotions causing my mind to spin. Spinning this dreadful dreidel with no relief of where it stops. We watch the top spin as it passes by disillusion causing me to overemphasize my problems causing the top to spin around to confusion where my ailments outweigh the solutions causing the top to spin even faster around to distress. Stress overcomes all positive feelings and leaves me where the top finally falls on hopelessness.
...hopelessness...
Negativity has no conciouse. It kills conciousness with the cat of nine tails then causing calloused conciousness coroded with curruption and laughing like that Canteburry Tails. Casting spells of tails penetrating my soul with it's rusted nails--nailing a 95-thesis from Hell. AND I CAN'T TELL WHERE METAPHORS START AND REALITY ENDS!
..
God fix me! Because I'm so **cking tired of being tested! I'm tired of being upset with upsets. When you fix me take control and don't ever let me feel like I need to. These are the things that I want, but can't do. These are the things that I hope for but don't want. These are the things that I need, but doubt. God, kill me tonight as I sleep; then let me wake up tomorrow exactly the way you hoped that I would turn out. Because I can't try anymore. But I can't quit.
-Quixotic the Pedestrian
Situations lead to stress; lead to frustration; leads to stress; leads to here. And here I am being raped emotionally. Here in public humiliatingly for stuff thats my fault.
IT'S MY FAULT!
It's my fault that I'm a dissapointment! It's my fault I'm a failure, It's my fault that I can't meet the expectations of a normal human being or, from all these people who claim to have it all together... but now it's all broken. Or more like shattered. My mural of life has faltered, my philosophies halted, and I know don't what else to do with my life but stop it.
STOP IT!
This must be the feeling on Mt. Gathsemeny; or even the way that Hitler felt with Hymrick Muler deceived him. And I'm not only at the end of my rope I'm hanging on to the frayed strings. But this rope has caused me nothing but blisters, being thread with nothing but disasters and pastures of thorns and painful things.
It's like anything I do I can't win. And that monster is eating my insides and all I can do is cry through this pen. Rejection mounting my emotions causing my mind to spin. Spinning this dreadful dreidel with no relief of where it stops. We watch the top spin as it passes by disillusion causing me to overemphasize my problems causing the top to spin around to confusion where my ailments outweigh the solutions causing the top to spin even faster around to distress. Stress overcomes all positive feelings and leaves me where the top finally falls on hopelessness.
...hopelessness...
Negativity has no conciouse. It kills conciousness with the cat of nine tails then causing calloused conciousness coroded with curruption and laughing like that Canteburry Tails. Casting spells of tails penetrating my soul with it's rusted nails--nailing a 95-thesis from Hell. AND I CAN'T TELL WHERE METAPHORS START AND REALITY ENDS!
..
God fix me! Because I'm so **cking tired of being tested! I'm tired of being upset with upsets. When you fix me take control and don't ever let me feel like I need to. These are the things that I want, but can't do. These are the things that I hope for but don't want. These are the things that I need, but doubt. God, kill me tonight as I sleep; then let me wake up tomorrow exactly the way you hoped that I would turn out. Because I can't try anymore. But I can't quit.
-Quixotic the Pedestrian
Amen...
