Ways to Show Respect?

[blythe_ann]

Men, other than verbally being told "I respect you", "Thank you", "You are good at X", what are ways you feel respected?

Opinions on whether or not a man should be or deserves respect are not necessary, as that is not the question .

 

[JanniGirl]

So, are you not looking for ways that women feel respected? (just wondering if you only wanted responses from men)

 

[BlueJay83]

not picking holes in what we do or say.. but accept it worts and all and say somerhing positive and affirming, such as.
"Thats a great idea"
"what a good job"

ask for opinions on things and actually take some of the answers on board.

 

[blythe_ann]

Janni, if you want to share, sure. I'm just a girl looking for some male perspective, but if some other girls want to pop in that would be good to.

 

[JaneFW]

not picking holes in what we do or say.. but accept it worts and all and say somerhing positive and affirming, such as.
"Thats a great idea"
"what a good job"

ask for opinions on things and actually take some of the answers on board.

What if it's NOT a great idea though? Would you rather be lied to?

 

[BlueJay83]

depends how you go about explaining that it's a bad idea..

just saying, sometimes don;t sweat the small stuff and make the fella feel good and valued.

 

[JaneFW]

depends how you go about explaining that it's a bad idea..

Okay, thanks for answering that question. I had to wonder .. surely nobody would rather be lied to for the sake of respect. To me, lying would be the opposite of respect, even lying to .. um, show respect. Anyway ..

 

[Romanseight2005]

Okay, thanks for answering that question. I had to wonder .. surely nobody would rather be lied to for the sake of respect. To me, lying would be the opposite of respect, even lying to .. um, show respect. Anyway ..

Lying would be the utmost DISRESPECT. I was wondering that too. Or if some of the idea was good, but it did have some holes in it, wouldn't it be good to complement the good parts, then say, "But if you try to stand a boulder on a pebble, won't it fall off"? Would that be respectful?

 

[LinkH]

There are many things a wife can do to make her husband feel respected and many things she can refrain from so that he will feel respected.

In no particular order, she can:
- Ask him before making certain types of decisions (large purchases, etc.)
- Speak to him in a respectful manner.
- Listen carefully and look at him when he talks.
- Set aside what he is doing when he wants to talk or do something with her (e.g. stop reading this forum to talk.)
- Do what he asks her to do.
- Speak highly of him to others.
- If she wants him to do something, ask nicely.
- Change the lyrics of the R-E-S-P-E-C-T song to be about respecting her man and sing it to him.

Things she can refrain from doing:
- Doing things he has asked/told her not to do.
- Making big decisions for the household without talking with him.
- Bossing him around, ordering him to do this or that.
- Yelling at him, or speaking to him in a disrespectful tone of voice.
- Talking badly about him to her friends.
- Get rid of his things without getting his permission.
- Offer criticism, if necessary, in a very polite meek manner.

 

[Romanseight2005]

There are many things a wife can do to make her husband feel respected and many things she can refrain from so that he will feel respected.

In no particular order, she can:
- Ask him before making certain types of decisions (large purchases, etc.)
- Speak to him in a respectful manner.
- Listen carefully and look at him when he talks.
- Set aside what he is doing when he wants to talk or do something with her (e.g. stop reading this forum to talk.)
- Do what he asks her to do.
- Speak highly of him to others.
- If she wants him to do something, ask nicely.
- Change the lyrics of the R-E-S-P-E-C-T song to be about respecting her man and sing it to him.

Things she can refrain from doing:
- Doing things he has asked/told her not to do.
- Making big decisions for the household without talking with him.
- Bossing him around, ordering him to do this or that.
- Yelling at him, or speaking to him in a disrespectful tone of voice.
- Talking badly about him to her friends.
- Get rid of his things without getting his permission.
- Offer criticism, if necessary, in a very polite meek manner.

I think most of those things are common courtesy that I would think would be right for both the husband and wife to do for each other. Oh, except for the getting rid of things part, if he's a hoarder! I can say that, because I am the hoarder, and my husband is the one who throws things away.

 

[blythe_ann]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to... you... lol, I'll have to work on that one.

 

[LinkH]

I think most of those things are common courtesy that I would think would be right for both the husband and wife to do for each other. Oh, except for the getting rid of things part, if he's a hoarder! I can say that, because I am the hoarder, and my husband is the one who throws things away.

The whole headship issue comes into play here, too. I can be a little bit of a hoarder. Fortunately, I'll listen to my wife about most of these things. I don't like it if she throws away my stuff without asking.

 

[JaneFW]

*

 

[chaz345]

Lying would be the utmost DISRESPECT. I was wondering that too. Or if some of the idea was good, but it did have some holes in it, wouldn't it be good to complement the good parts, then say, "But if you try to stand a boulder on a pebble, won't it fall off"? Would that be respectful?

As was said, it depends entirely on HOW you go about saying that it's a bad idea. "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard" or "that will never work" or something similar isn't at all respectful. "Hey maybe we should think this over a bit more" or "I appreciate what you are trying to accomplish but have you considered _______" is much more respectful.

 

[Romanseight2005]

As was said, it depends entirely on HOW you go about saying that it's a bad idea. "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard" or "that will never work" or something similar isn't at all respectful. "Hey maybe we should think this over a bit more" or "I appreciate what you are trying to accomplish but have you considered _______" is much more respectful.

I agree. I think we should treat our spouses how we would like to be treated, and I know I wouldn't like it if my husband said," That's the stupidest idea I have ever heard," as well. Again, I think those things are common courtesy.

 

[Romanseight2005]

The whole headship issue comes into play here, too. I can be a little bit of a hoarder. Fortunately, I'll listen to my wife about most of these things. I don't like it if she throws away my stuff without asking.

Please explain what you mean about the headship issue coming into play here.

 

[dallasapple]

As usual..sorry Blyth Anne..NONE of the things listed so far(besides changing the song..its PERFECT the way it is...)..arent things that a WIFE would desire and thrive on as well..the dos AND the donts..

If something will make ME feel disrespected there is a 99% chance it would him(my husband)..or ANY person including a child..Something that would make me FEEL like he respects me?There is a 99% chance it will make him feel respected too..Including as Romans said (or was it Jane) some or even most of them are COMMON courtesy..example WHO isnt going to feel disrespected if ANYONE says to ANYONE "thats the stupidest idea I've ever heard"..thats not just not respectful ..its MEAN..The critisism done as meekly as possible?Well who in the HECK would prefer "unmeek" critisism?..Yeah right..Oh me? I LOVE to be harshly and abrubtly critisized..give me a break..

Anyway these are GREAT ways to respect your husband or your wife..and most apply to strangers as well..(or co-workers..friends..children etc)...

Dallas

 

[LinkH]

Please explain what you mean about the headship issue coming into play here.

Let's say the manager of a sales department takes the stapler off of an employees desk, one of those nice red 'Office Space' staplers, and replaces it with an electronic stapler. The employee might not like it, but you can't say the manager was definitely wrong for doing so. You might expect this if the manager is dealing with workers with really low autonomy who do everything by the same procedure.

Now, let say the worker makes the decision to replace the manager's stapler with some other kind of stapler. It doesn't usually work that way.

It is not a good idea for managers to go around removing office equipment from their employees desks without talking to them about it. But it is really inappropriate for employees to go removing objects from the manager's desk.

 

[LinkH]

Here is a way to show respect-- yield to his will when you discuss decisions.

 

[dorig59]

I asked my husband and he said: love him, encourage him especially when he's feeling down; praise him, all the good things he does that you appreciate. Make him feel he's important to you, don't disregard his feelings.