Ways to annoy your driving instructor

[Silent_J]

A short list I received in an email...had a lot of fun adding over fifty to the list! ENJOY!

Ways to annoy your driving instructor and, conceivably, fail your driving test

• Insist on naked-from-the-waist-down driving during the test.
• Mow over a pack of Cub Scouts. Claim it was in “self defense” Offer no other explanation why.
• Scream "WHOOOAAA horsey!" at the top of your lungs every time you apply the brakes.
• Eat nothing but beans for three straight days before the test.
• Eat nothing but garlic and onions for three days before the test
• Play the "punch buggy" game with your driving instructor.
• Go 95mph in any and all school zones.
• Make engine sounds (vrrroooom) and brake noises (eerrrrrrrt) for the duration of the test.
• Get out for a Chinese Fire Drill at every stop sign and red light.
• Your first stop: McDonald's drive-thru window for a Happy Meal. Try to superglue the Happy Meal toy to the dashboard of the car while driving. Make sure the inspector doesn’t notice.
• Casually put your arm around the instructor at stop signs. When he fails you, insist loudly that he/she was “giving me signals”.
• Pretend to doze off every once in a while. Drool on the driving inspector.
• Have conversations aloud, concerning the fate of the driving instructor, with the little voices in your head.
• Bring a bike horn to the test. Roll down the window and use it instead of the car horn.
• Pretend to know pedestrians on the sidewalk beside you and pull over for a chat.
• Have a pretend panic attack
• Fake cardiac arrest. When someone tries to give you CPR, “wake up” and start kicking him/her in the chest, shouting “Germs! Germs!”
• Go into explicit detail about horrible things that have happened to you in the past.
• Offer a running commentary on the scenery as you drive
• Ask if the driving inspector will allow you a “smoking break”
• Ask if the driving inspector will allow you a “text message break”
• Bring a Tamagotchi. Attach it to the car keychain. When it beeps at you, insist that you must stop and feed it, “or it will die and come back to haunt me carrying a big knife when I try to sleep”.
• Name your pedal-leg “Bucky” Whenever you successfully stop or accelerate, praise Bucky loudly. Occasionally, take a hand off the steering wheel to pat Bucky affectionately.
• When you get angry, speak in a different language, or if you don’t know one, Pig Latin
• Whenever the driving inspector says something, nod sagely. Then, change the subject abruptly.
• Ask, “Are we there yet?” then suddenly realize YOU are the one controlling the car, and share a chuckle with the inspector. Then, perform a 180 and speed off towards “Illinois and the future!”
• Stick your head out of the window like a dog. Insist that this helps you “see better”.
• Turn on the radio and start singing. If you don’t know the words, make some up! Alternatively, bring a mix CD.
• Flick at the switches and buttons on the dashboard. Constantly ask, “What does THIS do?”
• At a stop sign, count to 10 before going.
• Slow down when you see a sign that says, “bridge/roads may be icy,” and be sure to mention about how icy conditions can be fatal. This works ideally if it happens to be summer.
• See how far across the seats you can spit breath mints before you get yelled at.
• Try to eat the steering wheel. When the instructor makes you stop, try to eat the overhead visor.
• Burn the instructor with the cigarette lighter in the car.
• Pretend to have locked the keys OUT of the car.
• Ask how the instructor’s mother has been. Do this many times.
• Pretend to have come out of a trance, and panic, “WHAT THE HECK DO I THINK I’M DOING?! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!”
• When you are going at least 60mph, turn to look at the instructor and say, “She would still be alive if it weren’t for you.”
• If the instructor ever complains, get upset, take your hands off the steering wheel and say, “HERE. YOU DRIVE.”
• Instead of a cell phone, bring a banana. Use it like it's a cell phone. Alternatively, bring a live kitten for the same purpose.
• "If you're happy and you know it, BLINDLY ACCELERATE!”
• Don’t use the headlights. Bring a flashlight and use it instead.
• Light a scented candle and put it in the cupholder.
• If there’s a tree-shaped air freshener in the car, take it off the mirror and hang it off your ear.
• Bring your own “fuzzy dice”
• Claim all prior driving experience has been on Playstation’s “Grand Theft Auto”.
• Before beginning the test, ask to measure the space in the trunk. Write down the numbers, then casually ask how tall the driving instructor is.
• Bring a kazoo. Play the “William Tell Overture” on it, over and over again, until the driving instructor breaks his/her clipboard over your head.
• If, by some miracle, you actually pass, insist that your driving instructor sit with you for your driver’s license picture.
• Mutter “Mary Had A Little Lamb” under your breath as you drive. If your driving instructor comments, claim it “helps me relax”. As you get faster, start saying it louder and louder, until you are screaming it.
• Come to sudden stops, shouting “BRAKE TEST!”
• Remove hands from steering wheel to “clap on” the headlights, then physically turn them on and/or off without comment
• Toss a “bug bomb” into the back seat. Roll up and lock the windows
• If you see a school bus, slow down and wave at the kids. Slowly work your way from the back windows to the front ones, making sure to wave at each and every child in turn.
• Always go 10 mph below the speed limit on narrow curvy roads, and explain to your agitated instructor that you are merely trying to go "above and beyond".
• Re-enact any and every movie scene that involves a car, especially gun-fight scenes
• If your vehicle has an automatic transmission, drive like it’s a stick shift. Occasionally hit the brakes and change gears.
• Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
• Wear a bike helmet and insist on “Safety First!”
• Before getting in to drive, open and close the rear door for your “imaginary friend”. Once you are in the car, refuse to drive until said imaginary friend “buckles his seatbelt”.
• Hum irritating-but-catchy showtunes, such as “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?” which will most likely get stuck in the instructor’s head and drive him/her slowly mad.
• Handcuff yourself to the steering wheel. If asked why, claim, “This will stop me running away in blind panic.”
• If your instructor gets angry, stop the car and ask them personal questions about their childhood, dreams, and relationships. Inform your instructor that you are a trained psychologist (bring a pencil and note pad for added effect).
• When driving on a two lane road, drift to the opposite side of the road and begin speaking with a British accent.
• If you see a squirrel, accelerate and try to hit it. If you do, shout "Yes! Ten points!". Give higher point values to larger animals and people. Be sure to keep track of your score.
• Pretend to be possessed by the spirit of Jim Carrey. Be convincing

 

[DragonBallT]

 

[Jesus_Luvs_techies]

You forgot a few:
Bring a toy steering wheel and set it on your imaginary friend's 'lap'. If the instructer asks, explain that the imaginary friend is taking the test too.

When the instructer tells you to turn left, make a right turn. If he\she says left turn right.

 

[Noddy22]

Haha Brilliant!