Way to attached

[happyinhisgrace]

My son has been spending the night and having play dates with his friends since he was 3 years old, he is now 11. Yesterday he left for a school camping trip and will be gone for 3 days. He called me and let me know that he made it ok and that he was having a great time, which I am really happy about....my problem is that while it is easy for him to be away for a few days, I am just sad without him here with the family and I feel like a piece of us is missing. He hasn't even been gone a full 24 hours and I miss him terribly. Am I a wierd mom? Is it normal for me to miss my kids so much when they are away from home? I don't want to sufficate my children, so I always make sure that they are involved in lots of activities and play times with their friends. I just feel a bit of an empty spot when they are gone. Am I too over-protective?

God Bless,
Grace

 

[Crofter]

No.. you ae normal.. But use this time for something constructive... time for yourself or with your other children.

When one of my children goes away ( which is rare ) then we do something they don't really like doing but our other child loves to do. Just having two children this gives us one to one time with the child we have home with us.

We in the past year have had a night and a wekend without both children for the firsttime in 13 years... so then we went away together and had quality time. THe kids enjoy being away more if they know we enjoy the change too.

 

[Tangnefedd]

I must admit I was pleased to have a break from my kids for a day or two!!!!! It does prepare you for when they leave home for university etc. Grace, if your kids are your whole life, it might be time to involve yourself in some other interests now, before the empty nest syndrome really knocks you for six.

 

[GinooKo]

Hi Grace

It's normal to feel that way. My children doesn't go sleepover that much but if they do, they take turns. I like to spend quality and bonding time with the child who stayed home. I even offer sleepover in my bedroom.

We live closer to their grandparents now, so I let both of them go. I really miss them terribly and there were times, I felt lost without them around. I know they can't live with us forever so I try to enjoy and give them lots of love while they living at home.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Maybe I am odd, but as long as I knew my kids were happy and safe, it never worried me when they went on holiday for a month or so to their grandparents home across the water. They phoned home every night. My two older daughters even went to school there for a term each, at the age of four, as they were bored and couldn't start school in the UK until they were 5. I think by letting the kids break away from the nest in this controlled sort of way at a young age, it has made they more independent. The eldest has never been homesick, ever, and was devastated when we didn't send her to boarding school at age eleven, as the fees at her chosen school were about £10,000 per year, and beyond our pocket at the time!

I think because I have let my children go, and never sought to cling on to them, I have a close relationship with them all. I don't put pressure on them to visit us. They don't have the feeling that it is their duty to see the old people, but would rather not! They willingly seek out our company, and we even have family holidays together, which makes quite a crowd with the grandchiildren as well!

 

[happyinhisgrace]

No.. you ae normal.. But use this time for something constructive... time for yourself or with your other children.

When one of my children goes away ( which is rare ) then we do something they don't really like doing but our other child loves to do. Just having two children this gives us one to one time with the child we have home with us.

We in the past year have had a night and a wekend without both children for the firsttime in 13 years... so then we went away together and had quality time. THe kids enjoy being away more if they know we enjoy the change too.

Terrifc idea. Thank you!

God Bless,
Grace

 

[happyinhisgrace]

I must admit I was pleased to have a break from my kids for a day or two!!!!! It does prepare you for when they leave home for university etc. Grace, if your kids are your whole life, it might be time to involve yourself in some other interests now, before the empty nest syndrome really knocks you for six.

What's really odd is that I am involved in many things that don't even involve my children. Such as mid-week communion and Bible study. I also help a friend with her christian ministry to religeous cults and I study for my school courses too. Maybe the problem is that I am not spending enough time with my children and that is why I miss them so much when they are gone? I truly don't know. My husband feels that I am too attached to them also because when he suggests that we take a night off and leave them with grandma, I won't do it because I do not want to be away from my children for that long. This also has a lot to do with the fact that my daughter has severe asthma, bad enough that she has to carry eppy-shots with her at all times and I don't trust anyone else to care for her medical needs. Anyway, sorry to go off on a personal tangent here, just looking for some insight from my family in Christ.

Grace

 

[happyinhisgrace]

Hi Grace

It's normal to feel that way. My children doesn't go sleepover that much but if they do, they take turns. I like to spend quality and bonding time with the child who stayed home. I even offer sleepover in my bedroom.

We live closer to their grandparents now, so I let both of them go. I really miss them terribly and there were times, I felt lost without them around. I know they can't live with us forever so I try to enjoy and give them lots of love while they living at home.

This is very much how I feel also. I will be one very sad mom when my children go off to college to earn their degrees. I also let the kids sleep in our room sometimes on weekends. They get their sleeping bags and a favorite movie and they camp out on the floor and we watch videos until we are all asleep. My children are growing up so quickly that I feel like time is passing us by now and then and I just don't ever want to look back and wish I had done more to make them feel loved by me.

God Bless,
Grace

 

[Tangnefedd]

What's really odd is that I am involved in many things that don't even involve my children. Such as mid-week communion and Bible study. I also help a friend with her christian ministry to religeous cults and I study for my school courses too. Maybe the problem is that I am not spending enough time with my children and that is why I miss them so much when they are gone? I truly don't know. My husband feels that I am too attached to them also because when he suggests that we take a night off and leave them with grandma, I won't do it because I do not want to be away from my children for that long. This also has a lot to do with the fact that my daughter has severe asthma, bad enough that she has to carry eppy-shots with her at all times and I don't trust anyone else to care for her medical needs. Anyway, sorry to go off on a personal tangent here, just looking for some insight from my family in Christ.

Grace

I think your husband might be right, and you are too attached. My daughter had severe asthma too, but I trusted others to care for her. I would have gone off my head when she left home at 16, and lived about 20 miles from us, if I was constantly worrying about her and what she was getting up to! Please try to let go a little more for your own sake, the kids will get resentful if, as they get a little older, you are constantly worrying about them, and not happy to them go off on holiday with relatives and friends. They might start to feel guilty because they are causing you pain, and guilt in a parent child relationship is not healthy!