Was it abuse?

[nikkey76]

I was married for 5 years. Through out this marriage I was never a very sexual person. After a point in the marriage it became very difficult for me to enjoy sex. When I brought this up to my husband he said it was my Christian duty and his right as my husband no matter how I felt. I voiced my concerns and disagreed strongly but being a good wife I submitted to my husband. I cannot tel you the damage that has done to me mentally. We are divorced now but I cant even bear to have a man look at me not to mention touch me. I feel as though I had been raped for all those years. Is this true or am I just overly sensitive?

 

[puregrl]

i felt the same way, basically word for word. I dont think it is being overly sensative though. It felt as if i was obligated to do something, my duty as a wife. So i started to hate it. No matter how i felt or what i wanted i had to do it. It took a while but i remembered that a loving husband does not make his wife do things she does not want to do. Yes they have control of our bodies, but we have control of theirs as well...It is a part of being married. Rape by definition is the unlawfull compelling of a women though physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse. Though he was your husband there is a thing called spousal rape for that very reason. It does cause mental damage. It does make it difficult to ever get close to someone again. I get extremely nervous around men now. Dont think you are overly sensative, it is a normal, true feeling.

 

[visionary]

To overcome this.. you will have to mentally box all these emotions up when you are done reflecting upon them.. because you need to get rid of them in order to move forward into a new life and if the right godly man comes around, you will be fair and have a normal relationship with him... and yes, that does include scratching the itch...

 

[nikkey76]

puregrl - Thank you for sharing. It know it's silly to think your the only one, but I really did. I didn't even know there was a such thing as spousal rape. I think maybe I should seek some help ( preferably from a consoler or psychiatrist that believes in God)

visinary - I hear what your saying and no one wants to move past this more than me. I need to reflect and come to terms with what happened. I get so angry at him as I try to maintain a friendship with him for our son's sake. He share with me all the details of his current dating relationships and how he is serious with. I have prayed to God to release me from hating him for being normal. I hate myself sometimes for pretending to be happy for him. I am happy that he can move on , because I know that's what is best for him , but I am stuck with no one and no way of reaching out to any one. I want what he has and I am jealous because h broke something wonderful and fundamental in me and now I am left holding the pieces. I never discussed this with him because I know how he would react and I don't want to get hurt more than I already am. I feel like the woman at the well. Hurt, broken , unwanted, and undeserving. I know God is there and he will help once I know how to let go and release this to him.

 

[visionary]

Keep praying... and you might find yourself wrestling with God over this.. but hang onto His hem until He has healed you... do not give up on yourelf or him... some things take time... mine was nine years...

 

[kimmiemae]

You are not alone. The enemy will use anyone to hurt God's children and loves to distort and pervert something that God intended for love, beauty and intimacy.

 

[puregrl]

I do encourage you to see a christian counselor. I saw one for a while and it helped me so much. Not only did she listen and give advice, but she also prayed with me.

 

[Meshakhad]

Rape is rape. What he did was only the more vile because he used G-d to justify it.

 

[nikkey76]

Thank you everyone.I have been carrying that for a long time. I am praying about seeking help, and putting up healthy boundaries between me and my ex.

 

[Colleen1]

I was married for 5 years. Through out this marriage I was never a very sexual person. After a point in the marriage it became very difficult for me to enjoy sex. When I brought this up to my husband he said it was my Christian duty and his right as my husband no matter how I felt. I voiced my concerns and disagreed strongly but being a good wife I submitted to my husband. I cannot tel you the damage that has done to me mentally. We are divorced now but I cant even bear to have a man look at me not to mention touch me. I feel as though I had been raped for all those years. Is this true or am I just overly sensitive?

I hear you. You are not alone. I have felt the same way. I believe there is always a reason for what we feel and that our feelings, like anger, fear, pain, are there to tell us something is wrong. Take care.

 

[SisterKatie]

I was married for 5 years. Through out this marriage I was never a very sexual person. After a point in the marriage it became very difficult for me to enjoy sex. When I brought this up to my husband he said it was my Christian duty and his right as my husband no matter how I felt. I voiced my concerns and disagreed strongly but being a good wife I submitted to my husband. I cannot tel you the damage that has done to me mentally. We are divorced now but I cant even bear to have a man look at me not to mention touch me. I feel as though I had been raped for all those years. Is this true or am I just overly sensitive?

Dear sister in Jesus.
I just went to a retreat with a fantastic psyhologist where me and others were given some really good principles and tools for how to deal with trauma.
First of all you have to let your self feel your feelings. Good grief work and anger work is essential to be free later on. Your world wont go under if you open up and let all the pain show.
I think its a very good idea to talk to a Christian councellor, because you need to "name it to tame it" and you need to become healthy and well again, so that you can again trust and love other people.
Did you ever consider writing a anger-letter to your former husband who hurt you so much?
He did indeed abuse you, and in my view other women should be warned against him. I think you have so many feelings bottled up, maybe because you think that you have to be a pretty and nice Christian woman, whereas it would be very healthy for you to let your self cry and shout.
By the way,
I was very disturbed about how your husband used the Bible against you. He absolutely misunderstood and abused the spirit of the New Testament.
In my Church we have a very solid teachings on sexuality, whats okay and not, and how spouses are to make complete gifts of themselves but always respecting the personhood of the other. No kind of utilitarism is okay. If you wanna read more about this I warmly recommed Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla, especially his chapter on sexology. As a woman I have never felt more at home and safe with interpretations of God's will for sex, than when I read this very personalist book.

Peace and hugs to you

 

[Colleen1]

Dear sister in Jesus.
I just went to a retreat with a fantastic psyhologist where me and others were given some really good principles and tools for how to deal with trauma.
First of all you have to let your self feel your feelings. Good grief work and anger work is essential to be free later on. Your world wont go under if you open up and let all the pain show.
I think its a very good idea to talk to a Christian councellor, because you need to "name it to tame it" and you need to become healthy and well again, so that you can again trust and love other people.
Did you ever consider writing a anger-letter to your former husband who hurt you so much?
He did indeed abuse you, and in my view other women should be warned against him. I think you have so many feelings bottled up, maybe because you think that you have to be a pretty and nice Christian woman, whereas it would be very healthy for you to let your self cry and shout.
By the way,
I was very disturbed about how your husband used the Bible against you. He absolutely misunderstood and abused the spirit of the New Testament.
In my Church we have a very solid teachings on sexuality, whats okay and not, and how spouses are to make complete gifts of themselves but always respecting the personhood of the other. No kind of utilitarism is okay. If you wanna read more about this I warmly recommed Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla, especially his chapter on sexology. As a woman I have never felt more at home and safe with interpretations of God's will for sex, than when I read this very personalist book.

Peace and hugs to you

Thanks for sharing and being authentic and real. I think God smiles down at us when we share from the heart.