- May 19, 2006
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(From an article by Jim Rutz found at
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52034)
"Do not eat if seal is missing" (a warning printed – where else? – on the seal).
"Not for human consumption" (on a package of dice).
"Do not drive cars in ocean" (in a TV ad showing a car in water).
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (on a Fritos bag) Obviously written by an idiot savant.
"No small children" (on an oversized Laundromat washer). These guys think only of themselves. What about the harried mother with six kids and a tight schedule?
"May be harmful if swallowed" (on a case of hammers).
"Remove the plastic wrapper" (the first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn ... which can only be seen after you remove the plastic wrapper).
"Do not look into laser with remaining eye" (on a laser pointer). Plainly, this outfit had a run of bad luck with their previous models.
"For indoor or outdoor use only" (on a string of Christmas lights). I guess that rules out using them on your underwater tree.
"Turn off motor before using this product" (on packaging for a chain saw file used to sharpen the chain's cutting teeth).
"Do not drive with sunshield in place" (on a sunshield that blocks all light).
"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." (on a storage bag measuring 6" by 6")
"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious" (on a hand-held massager). I'll bet that stopped all those pesky lawsuits from people in comas.
"Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice" (on a box of rat poison).
A special award for tail covering goes to this trio of winners:
"Not to be used in bathrooms" (on a Holmes Bathroom Heater).
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use" (on a battery).
"For use by trained personnel only" (on a can of air freshener).
Finally, I award the grand prize for this masterpiece: "Caution! Remove infant before folding for storage" (on a baby stroller). I can hear it now: "Hey Martha, you seen the kid lately?"
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52034)
"Do not eat if seal is missing" (a warning printed – where else? – on the seal).
"Not for human consumption" (on a package of dice).
"Do not drive cars in ocean" (in a TV ad showing a car in water).
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (on a Fritos bag) Obviously written by an idiot savant.
"No small children" (on an oversized Laundromat washer). These guys think only of themselves. What about the harried mother with six kids and a tight schedule?
"May be harmful if swallowed" (on a case of hammers).
"Remove the plastic wrapper" (the first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn ... which can only be seen after you remove the plastic wrapper).
"Do not look into laser with remaining eye" (on a laser pointer). Plainly, this outfit had a run of bad luck with their previous models.
"For indoor or outdoor use only" (on a string of Christmas lights). I guess that rules out using them on your underwater tree.
"Turn off motor before using this product" (on packaging for a chain saw file used to sharpen the chain's cutting teeth).
"Do not drive with sunshield in place" (on a sunshield that blocks all light).
"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." (on a storage bag measuring 6" by 6")
"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious" (on a hand-held massager). I'll bet that stopped all those pesky lawsuits from people in comas.
"Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice" (on a box of rat poison).
A special award for tail covering goes to this trio of winners:
"Not to be used in bathrooms" (on a Holmes Bathroom Heater).
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use" (on a battery).
"For use by trained personnel only" (on a can of air freshener).
Finally, I award the grand prize for this masterpiece: "Caution! Remove infant before folding for storage" (on a baby stroller). I can hear it now: "Hey Martha, you seen the kid lately?"
