Wanting friends

[BeHappy]

I've been pretty anti-social most of my life, and I still kind of am. I have not made any friends in school, and now I just live alone and the only social interaction I can get is at my job, but I hardly have any time to talk, and all of the co-workers I've observed here are also concerned or busy with their own lives to make much of an effort for friendship or they are just not my "type" (I think it's just a mental complex I have).

So recently, I've been longing to have a nice friend I can talk with and relate to, but I don't know how to go about finding one. I mean, finding some Christians at a church is fine, but the people I have met just don't seem to understand me, my life, or what I've been through because they haven't experienced it themselves, and that's a downside on the part because I'd really like to bond with someone with whom I can share everything with, principally because I also have some major trust issues with humanity.

I am also thinking about moving from here, and hopefully it'll be possible to meet some friends that I'm specifically looking for.

Actually, I don't know what to do at all; I guess I'm just confused or something?

 

[Yona]

Pray about it would be my best advice. Start making a conscious effort to talk to people and find out about them, I suppose. Meet some cool people through Myspace or Facebook or whatever so you can talk with them and find out more about the kind of people whose company you would enjoy.

 

[Illuminating*Theopneustia]

'Easiest solution i can think of is starting off with penpals.. they're less intimidating to seek out.
Other than that.. just proactively walking up to people and introducing yerself to people? lol.. 'dunno whether ya'd wanna do that or not though (i wouldn't)
'hope your search is successful :] God bless

 

[Anti Existance]

Ah i was extremely lonely too, but one night i had a dream.

In this dream my family gathered i went towards my uncle and confronted him with my lonelyness. He said: If you don't want to be lonely then you have to step towards the people.

Best advice id ever had from a dream.

And its true, instead of expecting people to come to you, you need to step towards the people, social intereaction is a constant investment of energy, its up to you to decide how much energy you want to put into it.

Difficulty starting a conversation? Just ask a question , it can be as silly as just asking the time. If the convo seems to die out, just simply ask another question. Don't see talking as a form of torture, its a way of having fun, don't be afraid to ask questions , talking is free and you will be more informed. Also listen to comedy central on winamp for at least 1 hour a day, it will show you how wonderfull it can be to connect to people.

 

[drich0150]

I'd like to say, Don't discount a potential Friend because of, or the lack of, a personal experience. Friendship isn't always about what they can do for you... That type of relationship more closely describes a codependent relationship rather than a friendship. Infact Most really Good friends don't go into a friendship looking at what the other person can do for them, but what they can do for the other person, resulting in a mutual sharing of highs and lows.

I bet if you went into a social situation doing for others as you'd like them to do for you, with 100% of every ounce of effort you could muster up, You'd walk away from that social event with one or two potential friends.

 

[xBladesx]

I agree with starting with penpals

I also went through the exact same thing as you. My problem is I generally
didn't care about friendship and kept my friendship circle to a minimum.
Evenually I also started getting lonely and felt left out

What set me straight I handed this problem to the Lord and asked for His
help.

There are 2 things I found out about myself

Because I didn't care about friendship I built a wall around myself and
didn't let anyone in.
People generally don't know what going on on the inside of you.
So if you don't show any emotion towards them like I generally did
they sometimes think you're not interested in befriending them.

After handing this prob to The Lord all I did was practice being a better
friend to others.
As I let people in They started letting me in and my relationships slowly
started building.
It was very tough but I slowly made it through.

Lastly you need to love yourself. I don't meen start being arogant but
be happy with who you are and love the way God made you.
I also battled with this and am slowly coming out of this.

Remember people generally tend to see you the way you see yourself.
If you need someone to talk to please pm me.

 

[BrokenWing]

You're young. As much as it might seem like there are a lot of expectations of you, you shouldn't worry.

Chat rooms aren't a bad place to start. Try to find one that's filled with intelligent conversation. You can try out different chat rooms and talk to people until you find people you're most comfortable with.

Trouble with thinking of things to say in conversation? Try going to classes to learn a new language. With everyone in the room being new to the language, no one else will know what to say either.

It's easier to talk casually, when there's a task at hand. It fills in the awkward silences.

 

[SaintJaques]

"I'd really like to bond with someone with whom I can share everything with, principally because I also have some major trust issues with humanity."

Haha, you and me both, buddy. It took me a long time to find friends, too. I was bullied and harassed alot as a child, and after sitting back and just watching and listening what people do and what they talk about and who they associate with and WHY they do these things really just made me want to fade from the rest of humanity... but I'm getting off-track, here.

Myspace, Facebook, and chat rooms can only do so much in finding new friends (there's also the matter of having a friend with a physical presence). The best thing you can do is to just keep trying, pushing yourself to make new friends at work or in school. You may find most people to be irritating and most conversation to be trivial, but every now and then you find someone that shares the same outlook on humanity and life in general that you have. I've only got a small handful of friends, but I'm very, very happy with them.

If you want to talk more (whether on this subject, or to become potential friends) send me a message.

God bless, man.

 

[UnitynLove]

"I also have some major trust issues with humanity." Let God heal you in this area in your life and you will then make friends.