Wanted some advice please

[Hello687]

There’s some bad blood between my husband and parents so holidays always stress me out

my parents were conning up for thanksgiving at the last minute my husband ask if they can get a quick drive thru Covid test to be safe. They are driving so we would know results by time they got here. They are in California us in Texas. I’m pregnant he has asthma so I get the over concern.

we find a place close and I ask and they get all offended and say they don’t want to do it cause it’s so last minute and even say they just won’t come to be safe.

than my mom says she can’t find any test to take now that they argued for an hour. My husband doesn’t want them to come without the test

I take my husbands side and say just come up later to avoid problems and safety. Now my moms acting like I just stabbed her in the heart crying hysterically and I just really feel like she’s over reacting and trying to create problems when it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

honestly I usually take my parents side cause my mom is so emotional and it causes problems in my marriage so for once I’m putting my husbands feelings first even if I think it’s a little irrational

Feeling a little guilty so wondering if I did the right thing

 

[Aaron_Bethlhm]

God has made your husband and you one flesh. Cleave to your husband, as written. Yes.
Together, resting in obeying God, God will reveal to your husband the truth, so as not to fear any virus at all. Eventually. (for some, it takes decades, for others, just minutes).
Get the true information, not publicly broadcast. This will help totally, if you both trust God and seek God's Kingdom.

 

[Neogaia777]

There’s some bad blood between my husband and parents so holidays always stress me out

my parents were conning up for thanksgiving at the last minute my husband ask if they can get a quick drive thru Covid test to be safe. They are driving so we would know results by time they got here. They are in California us in Texas. I’m pregnant he has asthma so I get the over concern.

we find a place close and I ask and they get all offended and say they don’t want to do it cause it’s so last minute and even say they just won’t come to be safe.

than my mom says she can’t find any test to take now that they argued for an hour. My husband doesn’t want them to come without the test

I take my husbands side and say just come up later to avoid problems and safety. Now my moms acting like I just stabbed her in the heart crying hysterically and I just really feel like she’s over reacting and trying to create problems when it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

honestly I usually take my parents side cause my mom is so emotional and it causes problems in my marriage so for once I’m putting my husbands feelings first even if I think it’s a little irrational

Feeling a little guilty so wondering if I did the right thing

26 years old huh...?

Well, if your husband is a good man, and a truly good man, you should always stand up for him and stick with him always, in any kind of conflict, with anyone, etc, no matter what, etc, if he is a truly good man, etc, even if it means and/or comes between you and your own parents, sometimes maybe even especially in that or those cases, etc, if he is truly a good man, etc, and he should always do the same for you as well, if you are truly a good woman, etc, and that is the way it should always be, etc...

Part of the two becoming one, or one flesh, etc...

And if your parents don't understand that, then that's not your problem nor your concern, etc...

Sounds like your mom, even though I don't really know her, could maybe be a bit of a/an emotional manipulator/controller maybe anyway, etc, and she needs to not do that, or stop doing that, or make it stop, etc, and if she can't, etc, or if you try explaining it to her and she still can't, etc, then just always stick with your husband if he is a truly good man, etc, and especially if he is doing the same for you, or would always be doing the same for you, etc, and again, if he is a good man, etc, and is worthy in your eyes of that kind of faithfulness and trust and honoring, and he would be doing the same for you, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Maria Billingsley]

There’s some bad blood between my husband and parents so holidays always stress me out

my parents were conning up for thanksgiving at the last minute my husband ask if they can get a quick drive thru Covid test to be safe. They are driving so we would know results by time they got here. They are in California us in Texas. I’m pregnant he has asthma so I get the over concern.

we find a place close and I ask and they get all offended and say they don’t want to do it cause it’s so last minute and even say they just won’t come to be safe.

than my mom says she can’t find any test to take now that they argued for an hour. My husband doesn’t want them to come without the test

I take my husbands side and say just come up later to avoid problems and safety. Now my moms acting like I just stabbed her in the heart crying hysterically and I just really feel like she’s over reacting and trying to create problems when it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

honestly I usually take my parents side cause my mom is so emotional and it causes problems in my marriage so for once I’m putting my husbands feelings first even if I think it’s a little irrational

Feeling a little guilty so wondering if I did the right thing

Under the circumstances everyone should be concerned about Covid. It is just the responsible thing to do until there is a vaccine. Your hysterical mother will get over it. Be blessed.

 

[Tolworth John]

I’m pregnant he has asthma

my parents were conning up for thanksgiving at the last minute

Two issues, you and your husband are vulnerable to civic so asking that they get tested is reasonable.
Second, coming at the last minute? Why?

May I suggest that you write a letter, yes old fashioned letter and say that you live your parents very much BUT.

Explain the issue of civic and vulnerability that while it is endemic you want them to take a test every time they visit.
Also explain that visits are to be planned, no just turning up, unless they are coming for the afternoon.

Write this out leve it for a couple of days and reread, edit if needed then send it.

 

[hedrick]

Unfortunately negative results from one test don’t mean that much. The current advice is for holiday gatherings to stick to just people who live together. On how to deal with family drama I’m afraid I can’t be much help.

you really don’t want to take chances with someone who has asthma.

 

[fm107]

Personally, I think making the request that they get tested whilst they are already en-route is unreasonable. They may not have bothered come if they knew your husband wanted them tested. If this was such a big concern, why wasn't this relayed in advance?

I have asthma and my wife is pregnant but I wouldn't put conditions on my family visiting but would trust them to tell us in advance if they knew they had covid symptoms.

Your the conduit between your husband and your parents - that makes you the peace maker. If it wasn't too big a deal for you, I think you should have persuaded your husband not to make the request. If it is a big deal for you, you should have told your parents in advance.

These tests aren't 100% accurate anyway, so they can get a negative result and still have covid.

I can see this event stopping your parents being so quick to visit in the future.

honestly I usually take my parents side cause my mom is so emotional and it causes problems in my marriage

Don't take sides just to avoid upset. Always try to judge righteously.

 

[xaris]

Feeling a little guilty so wondering if I did the right thing

You did the right thing. Sounds like your mother is acting like a spoiled child who received her first rebuff.

 

[jacks]

Avoiding family during the holidays is difficult for most everyone. (My wife and I are not going to her parents, it's the first time in her whole life she hasn't spent Thanksgiving with them.) Tell your mom you understand that it is upsetting, but it is only this once (hopefully) and that you love her very much and look forward to visiting with them just as soon as it is safe to do so. I'm sure your parents would feel terrible if their visit caused problems for you or their grandchild you carry. It's not the end of the world to miss a holiday and it is best to be on the safe side.
Praying for all the families that can't get together this year.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

I think given the severity of covid that you did the right thing,and your mom is just over reacting.

 

[Richard T]

Given we are in a state of emergency and the government is suggesting everyone stay at home for thanksgiving or have small gatherings, your husband is almost right. Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
I would disagree about having your parents even take the test. Test waits are now 3 days in many states and here we have two more taken for the sake of convenience. What if everyone went to take a test just so they could travel? There would be no supply of testing kits and wait times might be a week or more putting the real serious people at risk. Not too mention there may soon be a shortage of beds or staffing so that hospitals may have to say which patients they will treat, leaving others to die. Seems to be a no brainer to me.

 

[Joined2krist]

Well they were already enroute, asking them to go and get tested wasn't fair, you should have told them before they even decided to travel. I think you need to find out why your husband isn't comfortable with your parents, when he tells you about it try to encourage peace and love, I totally get why your mum feels hurt, perhaps your husband can reassure them by calling and explaining why he feels they should get tested and also apologize for not asking them to do the test earlier.

 

[bèlla]

If I were expecting I would limit my visitors until the baby is born. I wouldn’t want the stress of worrying about infection or the issues with medicine if I got it.

I’ve had one visit with my family members since this began. I won’t see them for the holidays. We agreed to remain at home and no one complained.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[John Helpher]

my parents were conning up for thanksgiving at the last minute my husband ask if they can get a quick drive thru Covid test to be safe.

I have a feeling that if we were to hear your husband's side of the story, he would probably say that his concerns were not last minute. I suspect he had been expressing concerns long before your parents started the drive and, because of emotional pressure, both you and your parents ignored those concerns until, finally, as a last resort, he asked that, if they insist on coming anyway, they should at least get tested.

They are in California us in Texas. I’m pregnant he has asthma so I get the over concern.

It's interesting that you refer to him as being overly concerned and suggests that my previous comment is likely to be accurate; you and your parents believe he's over reacting so you've not taken his concerns seriously.

Covid-19 has a wide variety of effects on people. Some hardly seem to notice they have it. Some become symptomatic within 2-3 days while others could take up to 14 days to start showing symptoms, yet still be infectious to others.

Those who are most commonly and most strongly affected are those who have pre-existing conditions, like asthma. Covid-19 is a respiratory disease, which makes your husband especially at risk. I understand that family visits over the holidays are very emotionally important, but your husband's life could be at risk. I don't think that really counts as an over reaction on his part. Even if he wasn't your husband, even if he was just a friend, or even if he was a total stranger, his life is still important.

and even say they just won’t come to be safe.

This is exactly what the experts are advising; to be safe, don't cross contaminate. It makes sense. Maybe your family is not infectious, but what if they are or what if they become infectious along the way? California to Texas is at least a 2 day drive. They'll have to stop multiple times for gas, food, and rest, and I'm guessing, based on their attitude that your husband is over reacting, they don't take safety very seriously. That is A LOT of opportunity for infection along the way from dozens of thousands of other travelers who probably also are not taking the threat of cross contamination seriously.

Now my moms acting like I just stabbed her in the heart crying hysterically and I just really feel like she’s over reacting and trying to create problems when it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

One thing this whole virus-year has demonstrated is that people often care more for traditions and their own emotional needs than they do for one another. Way back when it first became apparent that the elderly were more likely to die because of their preexisting conditions, many people suggested that, because they are already old, it should be fine for them to die, rather than take precautions which would inconvenience the young.

Letting go of traditions and convenience can be hard, but perhaps it's the kind of growing up we all need right now. Jesus said we should be willing to lay down our lives, and yet we find it hard to give up a family gathering.

honestly I usually take my parents side cause my mom is so emotional and it causes problems in my marriage so for once I’m putting my husbands feelings first even if I think it’s a little irrational

Emotional tantrums isn't a good reason to agree with someone, especially in what could be a life or death situation. It's easier, sure, but it's not good. Your husband isn't being irrational; it sounds like he's the most sane one there. You should follow his lead even if your parents holler and scream about how unfair or unloving it is.

 

[1watchman]

Avoiding family during the holidays is difficult for most everyone. (My wife and I are not going to her parents, it's the first time in her whole life she hasn't spent Thanksgiving with them.) Tell your mom you understand that it is upsetting, but it is only this once (hopefully) and that you love her very much and look forward to visiting with them just as soon as it is safe to do so. I'm sure your parents would feel terrible if their visit caused problems for you or their grandchild you carry. It's not the end of the world to miss a holiday and it is best to be on the safe side.
Praying for all the families that can't get together this year.

That sounds like very good advice!

 

[Avniel]

Personally, I think making the request that they get tested whilst they are already en-route is unreasonable. They may not have bothered come if they knew your husband wanted them tested. If this was such a big concern, why wasn't this relayed in advance?

I have asthma and my wife is pregnant but I wouldn't put conditions on my family visiting but would trust them to tell us in advance if they knew they had covid symptoms.

Your the conduit between your husband and your parents - that makes you the peace maker. If it wasn't too big a deal for you, I think you should have persuaded your husband not to make the request. If it is a big deal for you, you should have told your parents in advance.

These tests aren't 100% accurate anyway, so they can get a negative result and still have covid.

I can see this event stopping your parents being so quick to visit in the future.



Don't take sides just to avoid upset. Always try to judge righteously.

Not to be offensive but that’s why COVID is spreading.