waiting to kiss

[kat123]

Did anyone wait until they were engaged or married to kiss? My boyfriend and I will be getting engaged soon and I'm becoming discouraged because we don't have a lot of back up from friends and family on the waiting to kiss...

We are waiting until we are engaged because we wanted to get to know each other and know for sure if we were in love without the physical feelings confusing us.

I understand if some are confused by waiting. I have never attempted this before in other relationships but I never knew that I would feel this emtionally close to someone without the physical relationship...

 

[Kendrir]

I know what you mean, Kat. My SO and I have only been together a few weeks, though the Lord has spoken to our hearts that he has great things planned. She made a vow 11 years ago that she would not kiss a man until she kisses her husband on her wedding day. We consider ourselves "courting" and are seeking the Lord's will first, and know that as long as we keep Him the centerpiece, He will cause the love he has sown between us to grow. So we're staying very respectful and marriage-minded, and (God-willing that I'd be "the one") we'll be waiting for the wedding day to kiss, though we do hold hands and exchange brief hugs.

Whether friends and family are very supportive of it or not, I find it a very admirable dedication if that's how you feel the Lord leading you. Just imagine how awesome that first kiss will be if you save it.

 

[Breetai]

I could never wait to kiss, but if you and your SO have made that decision, then that's awesome! I'm happy for you. Don't let anyone discourage you.

 

[n3w3xp]

I support your decision in not kissing if that's the decision both of you have made together. I agree, the physical closeness can often cloud one's mind and feelings as to whether or not it's real love or just a superficial physical attraction. Good luck with your relationship! I'm glad that you are feeling really close with your SO without the physical relations.

 

[LadyBird]

Did anyone wait until they were engaged or married to kiss? My boyfriend and I will be getting engaged soon and I'm becoming discouraged because we don't have a lot of back up from friends and family on the waiting to kiss...

We are waiting until we are engaged because we wanted to get to know each other and know for sure if we were in love without the physical feelings confusing us.

I understand if some are confused by waiting. I have never attempted this before in other relationships but I never knew that I would feel this emtionally close to someone without the physical relationship...

So what if your friends and family don't back you up to wait and kiss. Why should that matter to you? It's your decision. And it's a good one I think. The longer you wait to start the physical part of your relationship, the better. Because once you reach your boundries, you will be struggling to maintain those boundries until you get married. The slower the physical part of your relationship advances, the better.

 

[katelyn]

I know a couple who waited until they got engaged. It was a really sweet thing for them, because the kiss signified something special for them. He was able to use that in the way that he proposed, by putting little coupons in her Christmas presents that said things like, "Good for one free hug," and then the last one she opened said, "Good for one free kiss." By reading that and knowing that they made that commitment to wait, at that moment she knew exactly what he was doing, and then he got out the ring and proposed. I don't think something like that is stupid at all...I think it's really special.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I back you 110%, Kat. I've never kissed (though I've had the chance more than a few times) and I'm saving it until I'm at least engaged (although I had a fiancé up until a month and a half ago, we were waiting until the altar). Enough people think I'm insane making a decision such as this, but oh well. Their loss. We know what's up

On another note, directed toward the doubters, I do hug all my friends So don't think that just 'cause I don't kiss, means I'm not an affectionate person... I certainly am!

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Not to try to discourage the wait-till-the-altar mindset, but a good friend of my sister's got married fairly recently, and he and his fiance waited until the altar for their first kiss, and it was a total disaster(I'm speaking second-hand... I wasn't there). I guess they did a little peck, then he went in for more and she backed off... it was way awkward. I think waiting to kiss is pretty cool if that's what you want to do... but at least go through a few trial runs before your wedding day

 

[IslandBreeze]

Not to try to discourage the wait-till-the-altar mindset, but a good friend of my sister's got married fairly recently, and he and his fiance waited until the altar for their first kiss, and it was a total disaster(I'm speaking second-hand... I wasn't there). I guess they did a little peck, then he went in for more and she backed off... it was way awkward. I think waiting to kiss is pretty cool if that's what you want to do... but at least go through a few trial runs before your wedding day

I have to agree. IMO, waiting to kiss is making a mountain out of a molehill. My husband and I kissed many times before we were married, and the kiss at our wedding wasn't any less special because of that. I also saw a wedding where the two waited until that day to kiss. Not only was their wedding day a disaster (anytime the guy went in for a kiss, the woman pulled away and then hesitantly and awkwardly kissed him back), but from what I understand, their wedding night was extremely awkward and nerve-wracking for the both of them. They had denied themselves any and all affection for so long that going from a kiss to sex in the same day was not a good experience. If you want to wait, that's your business, but I just don't see kissing as that big of a deal...

 

[JC 101 FM]

what if you find out on the wedding day you don't like they way your hubby tastes? Then what? Why do you think they call it chemistry?

My 50 cent

 

[jenptcfan]

Not to try to discourage the wait-till-the-altar mindset, but a good friend of my sister's got married fairly recently, and he and his fiance waited until the altar for their first kiss, and it was a total disaster(I'm speaking second-hand... I wasn't there). I guess they did a little peck, then he went in for more and she backed off... it was way awkward. I think waiting to kiss is pretty cool if that's what you want to do... but at least go through a few trial runs before your wedding day

I think that this type awkwardness could be avoided if there was ample communication (ahead of time) about what each party expected during the wedding day. Heck, even a previously kissing couple should discuss what kind of kiss they think is appropriate in a public/church setting.

To the OP: Don't let anyone discourage you. You're not going to look back on the experience of waiting in 10 years and think "wow I really screwed that one up!"...once you're married you'll have the rest of your life to smooch on your honey! I admire the type of commitment it takes to abstain from kissing.

I've had some kind of flippant attitudes about kissing in the past and I wish I would have taken it more seriously...I'm not sure if I will make a commitment to not kiss in my next relationship, but I'm going to plan on having some guidelines in place so I don't store up as many regrets.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Guidelines are an AWESOME idea. In fact, set them up very conservatively before you break them and have to set them. The rules my girlfriend and I have set up now would have seemed ridiculously conservative when we first started dating and everything, but we had to learn what we couldn't do

 

[jepvc4]

Ditto on the guidelines. Just joining in on here now, thought this was a good thread. Much kudos for waiting to kiss!

So about the guidelines, what standards do you have set for you and your girl, Pope? Just to pull it all out here

 

[kat123]

Thanks for all the support....My SO and I have talked a lot about the boundaries and we have set some. For those that think that we don't have chemistry or aren't affectionate to each other, it couldn't be farther from the truth. It's hard to not kiss him and that is how I know that I am attracted to him. Again, when we first started dating he asked me if I wanted to wait to kiss and we both decided to wait until engagement...we don't want our first kiss to be in front of 300 of our friends and family.



I don't expect everyone to agree with me or try this themselves, just to acknowledge that it is an option.

 

[BethNpottersHand]

Hi...I don't understand how this posting this works (maybe someone could fill me in). How do I know if anyone sees this? Anyway, about the kissing thing. My boyfriend and I are 21 and 24 and have been courting for a little over a year. Just one week into our courtship, we decided we weren't going to kiss until the wedding day (we did not assume at that point, it was going to be to each other). Sooo...two very affectionate people have been incredibly blessed because of this decision. Not that God doesn't bless kissing couples. But let's be a little honest, here. Most people, after so many kisses, want to move farther..or even finish what was started. Especially, when it's an awesome relationship and friendship and you know you want to spend the rest of your life with the person. So my boyfriend and I set up the guidelines. He kisses my forehead, he cuddle to a certain extent, we hug. But I am incredibly grateful that we can sit in the car at night (with an overhead light on) and have no worries about things getting out of hand. The guidelines are set, we both agree on them and the wedding day (and night) is going to be fantastic Saving the kisses makes things so much less complicated in the physical area of the relationship...I know this from previous experience...
Beth

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Beth,

I don't want to scare you about this - but you mentioned sitting in the car with an overhead light on. Now I don't know about where you live, but in Australia, that is taken as an invitation for people in that area to feel welcome to be 'voyeurs' on a couple in an intimate situation.

I think it's disgusting personally, and well done for keeping that boundary up, but I'd hate for you to experience people coming up to your car with suggestive comments - when you aren't meaning that at all!

Blessings on all of you - I'm not planning to wait til my wedding day to kiss, but with evey relationship I've been in, we've waited until we were sure we wanted to continue with a relationship before we brought kissing in - and that kept me so very safe!!!

Sasch

 

[micaela]

Hi there,

A great topic for discussion. My SO and I are currently discussing this same issue. We've been dating for 3 months and he made it clear early on that he wanted to hold off on kissing 'until he couldn't' anymore Not a very clear definition, but it sufficed for the time-being. Then I got to a point where I realised that I view kissing not only as a potential lead-up to something more physical, but as a close sign of affection and really felt like I was missing out on a special part of our relationship. My SO views it is as a down-the-track if not at marriage action, yet is happy to cuddle (and occasionally attempt to roam more than I will allow! :o).

As a result, I've been doing a bit of research lately by talking with my parents, married friends, friends in relationships, single friends, and reading a lot of Christian info on the web about it. My Christian parents and most of my friends think it is crazy to wait, and feel that it is an important part of developing the closeness (versus intimacy) in a relationship. However, most people seem to say it is worth it to hold off on as much as possible until your wedding day, but they haven't actually done it! They just look back and wish they had waited. A lesson for those of us trying to make the decision perhaps?

We still haven't made a decision together, and in the meantime, his decision not to kiss reigns (as it should) but I suggest you have a look at themarriagebed.com for some great advice for courting/engaged/married couples. fortifyingthefamily.com is also helpful.

 

[Fineous_Reese]

kat123,

i'm currently waiting to kiss because of past issues with not waiting so if you and your man are cool with it, don't stress those around ya (although a dress rehearsal before the wedding may be in order based on current testimonies...)

-Fin

 

[eapoe fan]

For those that think that we don't have chemistry or aren't affectionate to each other, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

Just a piece of advice...

If you've made that descision, be willing to stick with it no matter what.

My best friend and I decided that, then out of the clear blue one day I was accused od being "cold" and "not loving". Then I was asked to dissappear.

Wiating is wonderful, I'm all for it. But if things don't turn out as you might have hoped (please, don't misunderstand me! i hope they do!), be sure you don't use that against your SO.

 

[California Dreamin']

I never heard of it before but that is soooo cute!