waiting is so hard!

[sweetgirl4]

hey everyone just need some advice please

so i'm big into my faith and i recently started going out with this lovely guy. We only know each other for a few weeks. I know i shouldn't say this but he really makes the grade for a potential mate, i've been praying for a while to meet the One. He is so lovely, kind, caring and funny.

He prays, used to go to Mass but is more lapsed. He is interested in my faith and we talk about it alot. The thing is he knows how i want to wait. But lately he's been asking me whether i would do other stuff as regards like oral s'x and stuff. Now i was like "no way" and all that.

Do you's all think it would break my chastity if i engaged in this? It's not like he is putting pressure on me he is more just asking, although i told him all about my boundaries before officially we are boyfriend and girlfriend. So the plan i was thinking was tell him that i may engage in that in a few months time, but in the mean time (between waiting for these few months to pass to 'do it') i think he will ask me to marry him in a few months, i just get this feeling! I can't really explain it! So therefore, if we do get married in a few months, i don't have to engage in these acts outside marriage and i can still keep my chastity!

I dunno like i really really like him and I love God and my faith and Jesus. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for my faith but i'm just thinking (i don't know do you's feel that too..) that because he doesn't really believe in chastity like me that one day he is going to wake up and decide to dump me??

Argh any advice would be really really appreciated thanks
Apologies for the length God bless x

 

[dayhiker]

Since you value your chastity, I think you should keep it. He'll value you moral stand from who you are describing him to be. You'll know soon enough if he is going to want to marry you.

 

[iambren]

What age are you all?

What if he DOES propose to you in 3 months(and you've put him off from the OS), and you have a 6-month engagement, what will be your limits during the engagement?

 

[Melethiel]

Keep to your limits. And if he doesn't share the same values as you (which is a problem right there) and dumps you because of that, well, too bad. A relationship without shared values isn't going to go anywhere good.

How old are you?

 

[singpeace]

Hi Sweetgirl4. Welcome to CF.


The answer to your question is it doesn't matter what your friend believes regarding chastity. What does God say?

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman TO lust
after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Matthew 5:28

Jesus was saying, "The Pharisees have told you that you are
committing Adultery only if you actually have relations with a woman,
but I say to you that it is the intent of your heart that God judges.

The goal of each person who has put his/her faith in Jesus Christ is to become more and more like Him each day. This means putting off the old way of life of which sin was in control, and conforming one's thoughts and actions to the standard put forth in Scripture.

Nobody will ever be perfect or attain sinlessness while still on this earth, yet it is still a goal for which we strive. The Bible makes a very strong statement regarding this in 1 Thessalonians 4:7-8, "God has called us to be holy, not to live impure lives. Anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human rules but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you."

Sweetgirl, live your life above reproach, and know that your Heavenly Father is with you wherever you go.

 

[iambren]

Well, I don't actually agree with that either. If you have no sexual energy and desire for each other you better not marry anyway. We're not supposed to be robots until wedding day.

On the other hand, I agree to not letting some guy push you into doing something that's unholy. Doesn't look god on him.

 

[sweetgirl4]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply i'm 20 going to be 21 in a few months while the bf is 22.

In terms of limits in engagement to you iambren - I wouldn't be doing anything more in engagement than more going out.. ie if i don't do os while dating i wouldn't do it while engaged either! I'm really attracted to him both looks and personality

Yeah i think i might just leave it out about my decision because if he doesn't ask me to get married while in that period I would have told him i would do it (i.e the os!!).

So yeah i'm just going to leave out the os suggestion and just play how it comes. I'm praying for both of us in our relationship so please God it will work out if it's meant to be..

As you were saying singpeace, thanks for your lovely quotes... i do try to avoid sin when i can, so i don't think if i broke my chastity i would feel too good after knowing that i broke it intentionally..

So yeah any other advice or wise words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated..
God bless

 

[Luther073082]

Honey, let me just say this. I think you should wait a little bit of time on this marriage.

It seems to me that you are letting your pants make the decision about marrying him rather then letting your head make that decision. Your whole post is dedicated to how much you want to have sex with him and thats cool you should desire a man if you are considering marrying him. But you've dedicated very little to what you like about his personality or how he will make a good husband. Add that to the fact that you've only been with him for a short period of time, and I'm very concerned you could be letting your pants make the decision for you.

Trust me I know its hard, I went through it with my wife. You can wait for sex. I think you should wait and spend more time getting to know him personally before you start making decisions to get married.

 

[sweetgirl4]

thank you luther for your reply. Yeah i never really looked at it that way, I think the hormones may be influencing me! ah i do really like his personality too, he is really funny, so caring, not just to me but to his mother too. He keeps his word on stuff (well so far so good, hopefully it will continue, please God!). He is just a really nice honest guy.

I just think sometimes that he'll realise that someday he'll think he'll not get me to change my mind ( i don't even know if this his plan) but i feel like i can know how hard it is for him to be in a relationship with me minus the physical stuff. So i'm trying not to think too well in advance and just enjoy the moment, but i honestly feel like i really want reassurance to say that he agrees with me about the whole waiting but i haven't got this yet.. just how hard it is for him to wait! but i'm the type that if i make up my mind about something (s'x) in this case i don't usually cave..

But i do tell him that its hard for me too like i want to be physically closer to him too. But my beliefs are going to stay with me and keep me going if we do break up (hopefully not though, if it's God's plan). But yeah i would love for him to reassure me that he understands that's whats the deal is.. and i thought he did but now its more like how hard it is for him and i know he is not intentionally out to pressure me its just him being honest..

Any more advice or anything like that would be appreciated..

It just feels that i'm bit going around in circles that he might just wake up and say that he doesn't want to be with me, and if i'm prepared for that i'll be able to deal with it better than it coming out of the blue!

God bless and thanks

 

[singpeace]

Proverbs 31
10. A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.
25. Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!
26. She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].
28. Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],
29. "Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all."

 

[Mayzoo]

Isn't OS forbidden by your religion/Church? If so, it sounds like you are willing to make big personal sacrifices to stay in this relationship. What sacrifices is he willing to make in this area to stay in this relationship with you?

I also gathered from your post you are concerned he end the relationship if you do not make these concessions. You need to know if that is his plan for certain before you make a concession. Once you know that information, you can decide if what you are giving up is worth what you are getting. IMO, if he cannot respect your values at this point, then your relationship is on rocky ground already.

 

[SparkyMaddie]

stay friends and wait it out,and get to know him much better

 

[highlife]

well I wrote a long response and there was some bogus error message and my response went away.

To put it sucinctly, men want sex and that does not make them bad, if you make them wait forever they will move on. Sometimes in life you have to take chances to have good things in life and its not every day we meet someone like you have met. If you made thoes concessions there is a chance you could get burned but even if you got married there is a chance he could divorce you, thats just the reality of a relationship that involves someone else. If you are too gaurded he will just move on, he might still be your friend but after a while you will being doing activities as friends with his new GF or wife

 

[VA Pinay]

You have to know what limits you can live with and still be right with God and look in the mirror the next day. For some, kissing is the outer limit. For others, it's a little further. For me, it's the equator rule--the South Pacific is not in play. Oral is certainly not a casual thing. You need to think and pray long and hard about this.

Isn't OS forbidden by your religion/Church? If so, it sounds like you are willing to make big personal sacrifices to stay in this relationship. What sacrifices is he willing to make in this area to stay in this relationship with you?

The Catholic Church also pretty much condemns birth control; I respectfully disagree on that one.

 

[sweetgirl4]

Thank you everyone for the feedback You are very nice to offer up your time. Well i have been thinking about it lately and praying about it! so i'm going to leave os I like your 'South Pacific' reference VA Piney! I'm praying just to keep my chastity and that we grow stronger together in a relationship . It's actually quite weird because lately most of my friends are in relationships that take part in pre-marital sex and alot of them are having difficulties at the moment. So i'm thinking if i do get hurt (hopefully it won't happen) at least I won't be hurt as if my values were compromised.

At this stage it's my faith that is one thing in my life that is preety stable and doesn't leave me, even though i do question why i have some very tough times i think they are there to strengthen me and make me realise God and Jesus' presence.

I obviously would be really upset if me and my bf broke up (hopefully it won't happen if it's God plan ) but i just hope he and I understand and develop how brilliant chastity can be even though it is so so tough and grow together to develop a brilliant relationship

If anyone has any advice please share thanks and God bless

 

[Johnnz]

Its a hard call, but a good one you have made.

We are thoroughly sexual beings, but it is important to see sex within the context of what God intends it to be. Society has no basis for seeing sex other than in biological and/or romantic terms, so there are few limitations for those with that framework. Christians do see sex very differently.

John
NZ

 

[Fatally.Yours]

Isn't OS forbidden by your religion/Church? If so, it sounds like you are willing to make big personal sacrifices to stay in this relationship. What sacrifices is he willing to make in this area to stay in this relationship with you?

I also gathered from your post you are concerned he end the relationship if you do not make these concessions. You need to know if that is his plan for certain before you make a concession. Once you know that information, you can decide if what you are giving up is worth what you are getting. IMO, if he cannot respect your values at this point, then your relationship is on rocky ground already.

From what I remember from Catholic school religion class, OS isn't forbidden as foreplay but it is forbidden if it's used in place of sex.
No one really pays attention to that though, Catholicism is mostly about getting drunk, fighting, and having lots of pre-marital sex. Or at least it is where I live.

 

[highlife]

If you know this is the guy for you then dont have a long engagement or date forever, I dont think that is healthy.

 

[GQ Chris]

Limit him to Christian side hugs and fist bumps.

 

[Luther073082]

From what I remember from Catholic school religion class, OS isn't forbidden as foreplay but it is forbidden if it's used in place of sex.
No one really pays attention to that though, Catholicism is mostly about getting drunk, fighting, and having lots of pre-marital sex. Or at least it is where I live.

Like many other faiths, Roman Catholism has "members" who pay no attention to their teachings, and has members who do and also members in between who agree with some teachings but not with others.

Now personally I don't understand why someone would be a part of a church and pay no attention to the teachings. I mean at that point it just seems like a silly waste of time to go to church and ignore everything.