Wait until your father gets home!

[nuarc]

Hello, I am not yet a parent, but heard this statement a lot while growing up. I always felt that my mother wasn't the parent whose words mattered because she would always say- wait until dad gets home...as if his word was more important than hers.
I would like for the moms and dads too- to tell me what they think of this statement. Are you giving your spouse "more" authority, and taking it away from yourself if you make a statement like this? What if dad doesn't want to do anything about it and doesn't, and the kid gets away with whatever they did wrong- isn't that a blow to both parents' authority? What do you think?

 

[Celticflower]

I had a mom who had no qualms about dishing out punishment at the moment of the infraction. I take after her. The only time I say "wait until your father gets home" is when it is a decision that needs to be made jointly or is something they want that is a dad thing (to sleep out in the tent, go fishing etc). But I can send my kids to their room, spank (on rare occasions), ground, recind priviledges, order the computer/cartoons/music turned off until further notice without any problems or back talk from the kids. They know mom means business, esp. when the "monster mommy roar" comes out.

Luckily, my kids are fairly well behaved. The only problem we have now is the "Mom, he's looking at me" variety.

Celtie

 

[selune]

I have no problem either with giving the appropriate discipline at the time of the action. My 4 year old would be at a loss if he had to try and remember why he was getting punished many hours after the incident. I do use the occasional, "how do you think this will make Daddy feel when he hears about what you did?" if the kids aren't listening or continue to get into trouble. The idea that not only is mom upset but dad will be upset too, is not to their liking. I think the "wait til dad gets home" is more of a "You are going to be punished but I'm not sure to what extent. If I decided right now you may be grounded for a year. After I cool off, (when dad gets home) you may get off with a few days."

 

[nuarc]

I always saw it as my mom saying- well you won't listen to me, but you will listen to your father. I'm not going to do anything to you, but just you wait until he gets home. Hehe, funny how it flips on the other side of the coin. I remember my mom complaining that we never listened to her, but she never presented herself as an authority- so, I'm not quite sure what she expected. I think your way of putting it- Im upset and your dad will be too, is a very good way- because it holds both of you as authorities.

 

[Jenna]

Oooo.... the only times that I got the "wait until your father gets home" line is when I was in BIG trouble. It didn't mean that my mom didn't want/have the authority to discipline, but that it was a big enough issue that they wanted to brainstorm on the most heinous ways to punish. *laughs* It was just a statement to strike fear into the hearts of babes, and boy did we want to make Mom happy, just so that we'd at least have a 50% chance of getting off a tad easier. lol

Seriously though, my mother always had authority to discipline us, and used it. Childrearing goes much the same within my own marriage. If something is wrong, I handle it when it happens. At this point in time, our daughter being only three, the only time that I have to make a point to discuss things with my husband are when I am unsure of how to handle a situation. I admit that while I am "Mommy", I don't know everything and can be lead more by my emotions rather than logic. Besides, it has helped to make us a more unified front since it ensures that at least in some ways, my husband is still involved in differing areas of parental guidance and discipline. After all, he misses out on a lot since he works full time.

 

[bliz]

I think the "wait till your father gets home" is unfair to everyone involved.

Dad
It makes the Dad the heavy. No sooner is he home, and he will be confronted with a problem and expected to do something about it. If he does not dish out some punishment, he is clearly not backing up his wife so he's forced into a situation that he may have been able to avoid or may not wish to make an issue out of. I think it encourages kids to fear Dad's arrival home.

MOM
Nuarc stated it beautifully! If we have to wait for Dad, it's becasue Mom lacks authority, or power, or intellegence, or creativity or will or something. Moms may do this to themselves, but they will pay a heavy price for it. Dads who insist it be done in this manner are undermining their wife's authority with the children in a major way. My Mom never dreamed of waiting, neither did her mother and neither did I.

The Kids
Young kids will not remember that they did something wrong and then end up back in the hot seat when Dad comes home. With young children, matters need to be dealt with as soon as you are aware of them... yes, a little bit like puppies.

It is unfair to torture a kid all day. For a child to wait for some punishment from Dad all day is simply not fair and loving to the child. The intent is to guide and direct a child, not torment them.

It is terrible to paint the picture of Dad as the heavy to the child. Both parents have responsibility to guide and direct their children, and that will involve punishment sometimes. Mom doesn't get to be "good parent" all the time and Dad doesn't have to be "bad parent" all the time. Men and women can both nurture and guide, punish and comfort.

 

[herev]

I grew up in equal rights house--if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. Our house is the same way, we share and agree on discipline