Wait for an ex to change mind???

[princess47110]

Fourteen months ago, I started dating an amazing Christian man. We fell in love. He met my children and extended family. For many months, things were going very well.

Two weeks ago, he came to be and said he was finding it too hard to be part of my life as I was really busy. He said he did not realize how hard it was to date a single mom. He also immigrated a couple of years ago from a different country and said he was finding it hard to be away from his country.

I said I was willing to work through the challenges in our lives to make it work, but he was past that point.

He said I was the most amazing woman he has ever met and he loves me very much. But, he said it was better to end things now then to continue with our relationship and then end things later. He also said maybe he would miss me too much to be apart from me. We were both sobbing as he left. We have had little contact since then.

I am so uncertain about what to do. Should I wait and hold onto the hope that he will miss me too much to be apart? That our love will overcome all? I fear he is a stubborn man and won't change his mind easily. But I am so heartbroken, I don't want to lose him forever. I don't mind waiting while he sorts through things in his mind and heart, but will my waiting useless?

 

[Luther073082]

Best idea when a SO breaks up with you is to just move on. I think the idea of waiting for them to change their mind is likely to be a waste of time and harmful to you emotionally about 80 to 90% of the time.

Most people are pretty sure that they are done with a relationship by the time they break up with someone. Odds are good that he is just done with this.

Sorry to tell you that, but it's better in the long run that you move on.

 

[mina]

He could and may come back; but that is not a guarantee. The best thing to do is move on and don't live your life with him in mind. I'm sorry for your loss; it's a hard thing to move on after you have loved deeply, but you can do it! And you will be better for it.

 

[ann216]

he is scum

 

[LinkH]

We usually remember what we want to hear. You heard all that and you remember he might miss you so much if you are apart, and that he loved you very much. He was probably trying to let you down easy and the thing he wanted to do was break up with you. If he couldn't stand to break up with you, he probably wouldn't have. I'd say move on and don't wait for him forever. If he did decide to come back, you could cross that bridge when you come to it.

Breaking up is hard for both parties. It sounds like, in trying to let you down easy, he kind of left you hanging. He didn't give you closure. Forget about the 'love you so much' part and the part about not being able to be apart from you and remember that he broke up with you and move on.

 

[Luther073082]

We usually remember what we want to hear. You heard all that and you remember he might miss you so much if you are apart, and that he loved you very much. He was probably trying to let you down easy and the thing he wanted to do was break up with you. If he couldn't stand to break up with you, he probably wouldn't have. I'd say move on and don't wait for him forever. If he did decide to come back, you could cross that bridge when you come to it.

Breaking up is hard for both parties. It sounds like, in trying to let you down easy, he kind of left you hanging. He didn't give you closure. Forget about the 'love you so much' part and the part about not being able to be apart from you and remember that he broke up with you and move on.

Thats true, guys don't break up with women they are in love with unless she cheats on him or something like that.

Not getting to spend enough time with you isn't a reason he would dump you if he loved you.

He may have kinda liked you a bit, but was freaked out by the dating a single mom thing. But kinda liked you a bit isn't love, it's not even close. When someone loves, they don't worry so much about the aspects of the relationship that are less then ideal.

You didn't meet his ideal, and kinda liking you a bit isn't enough to get past that.

 

[SplendidTree]

I hope things get better for you. It sounds like a very difficult situation. I think moving on is best. I know letting go is tough, it really is but it is probably for the best.

 

[Ace99]

To princess, It is very hurtful but it something I'm having to do at the moment, I have thought of every concievable way of trying to win her back, and i have been waiting for her to come bsck for nearly a year also god has told me to Put It down, so I given up and I'm trying to move on, yes I agree with Luther, if he truly loved you, he would be with you now, I know it's so hard, but I think it's best you move on, it will be better in the long run, you deserve someone that loves you for you, God bless you.

 

[iambren]

He gave you two very valid reasons for breaking it off. It would have been nicer if he came to these conclusions earlier but from what you said I could not definitely call him a cad.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Just move on and don't keep in touch with him because that will toy with your emotions and draw this out.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I'm all for giving someone a chance but when you really love someone you don't say "Eh, I don't think I can do this really!". Thats the first sign that someone will be willing to leave you at anytime then. If my fiance told me that then I would think she probably would be willing to divorce too.

Let him go and wait for someone to come along that appreciates you and your children.