Virginity

absolutely. physical virginity is nothing to God - all of your physical imperfections are covered by the Blood of Jesus - no matter what they are. God is interested in the state of your heart, and whether that heart belongs to Him.

In the OT God demanded a spotless lamb for the sin sacrifice, and no one but a spotless priest was allowed in the Holy of Holies. Jesus was that lamb for all time, and now God sees us through that Blood, and does not see our spots. (my siggie ) And we are all able to enter the Holies as a priest.

Remember - God does not hold you accountable for what happens to you. Only for your own actions.

May He bring you peace in the circumstance you have survived.

Was the guy who raped you black?

First, I have to tell ya--you two are just as CUTE as a Button! You remind me of myself and my dear hubby when we were younger! Look what you have to look forward to! Heehee!

Anyway, in answer to your question I have always viewed virginity in two ways. One way is indeed physical virginity and the other is mental/spiritual virginity. I think these combine together to create the entirety of "virginity" and in neither of these ways have you lost yours.

To me, physical virginity is the giving of yourself physically to another human--and it's voluntary and consensual within the context of a commitment. So if you didn't consent and it was TAKEN that would not disrupt your physical virginity. Physically, you have not GIVEN yourself.

To me, mental/spiritual virginity is including the spiritual aspect in the physical joining of two people. It's the godliness of sexual activity within the context of a covenant marriage! So if someone TOOK, there was not a spiritual aspect involved and so that is also still intact.

When I was married to my first husband, we had a sex life and it was within the context of a marriage, but when he left and before I met my current dear hubby, I was not married and did not have sex for YEARS (yes, you read that right...years) and whilst I wouldn't say I was a virgin, I didn't participate in sexual activity outside the confines of a marriage relationship so that after years I considered myself "a second virgin"

So don't worry. When you go to your new dear hubby on your wedding night, you will be GIVING yourself physically and spiritually, and that will be the night that you lose your virginity to him.

Revenwyn, I am sure He does!

I know that I am physically not a virgin, but I believe that spiritually I am because the first time I did not give consent.

Can I join the other 10% then? I am not a survivor, but I believe virginity is something you can only give away. It isn't something that can simply be taken, just as love cannot.

That's an interesting observation. I believe those of us who are survivors understand just how different rape/sexual assault are from not just choosing to have sex, but from sex in general. Truth is, sexual assault is not about sex at all.
I do, however, believe that there are probably more compassionate, empathetic people out there, like bamboo_chicken, than you'd expect. I am blessed to know lots of them, both personally and professionally. Granted, I'm a counseling grad student, and I'd like to think that most counselors are understanding people. ;-)
All that babble aside, I definitely believe that virginity is a choice and much more a matter of the heart than anything.

Before I willingly did, no, I did not consider myself a virgin in any form. Yes, I had it taken from me, but still, it was taken from me. The act was committed.

Self-condemnation I do not advise, please, take my advice on this.

Sweetheart, to any real man, your physical virginity doesn't mean as much as your attitude. You had your physical virginity taken from you. Your heart is much more important.

guitarinliv said:

I definitely believe that virginity is a choice and much more a matter of the heart than anything.

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Exactly! I totally agree with you. That's just how things are.

If you're not physically virgin, doesn't mean you're not psychically (at heart) virgin.

Just because your not physically a virgin doesn't mean your not one at heart. I don't think he looks at naturally neccesarily the same way he does. I think someone can be naturally a virgin but not spiritually one.


But I don't think it counts when someone tries to take it from you, rather than giving consent to it.

You are a virgin. That dirty and horrible man that did this to you can never take away something so holy.

I'm just a random guy, mid 20's, never been molested at all and happened into this part of the messageboard and have to say that in NO way could I ever condemn a girl for being raped as "losing her virginity". The last thing I would worry about is "wishing she had saved her virginity for me" or something like that because of the rape. The only thing I would practically worry about is psychological side effects, ptsd etc. But if all of that baggage is neatly packed I would definitely assume that I was dating a virgin and wouldn't think much of it... heck, I'd date the person even if they weren't a virgin hehe.

Someone can have a little baggage and have it totally a mess.
And another person can have a lot of baggage and have it nicely packed.