I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 24. He's a virgin and... as inocent as the day he was born it would seem. I'm not a virgin... far from it. There is a fair bit of sexual abuse in my childhood. My boyfriend knows this and says that, although he's disapointed about my lack of virginity, it doesn't make him love/like me any less. I've done A LOT of reading, over the years, on both the good and the bad side of the fence when it comes to sexual things. I'm a very sensual person, but I'm saving myself for marraige. My concern is what my boyfriend will think of me if we get married and he discovers just how innocent I'm not. What would a typical Christian man think of a wife who is, by far, more knowledgable in bed than he is?
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Virginity & Sex
- Thread starter forestberry
- Start date
We have only been dating a month. He's the type of man who only says something if he has something to say. No man has ever been this nice to me before. He's a perfect gentlemen at all times. It's seriously taking some getting used to. Sometimes I don't know what to think of him.
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Quantum_Man
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I don't think he'd be surprised or taken aback if you show lots of enthusiasm on your wedding night. My fiancee is fairly "innocent, naive" in this department right now, but after we're married I won't be shocked at all to find her acting a bit more aggressive I guess, in fact I will rather enjoy it I think. 
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My husband knew about my less than wonderful past long before we married and he accepted it. He actually told me, he doesn't consider me loosing my virginity as a child as loosing virginity per say considering it was not my choice I made the choice with him not when I was a child and forced...it actually makes me think of myself better thinking of it that way.
What I went through doesn't come up day to day in our lives, let alone our sexual lives. Choosing to make love to your husband is a lot differant and any man worthy of marriage will see that.
You will learn and grow together in all aspects of your married lives including sex.
What I went through doesn't come up day to day in our lives, let alone our sexual lives. Choosing to make love to your husband is a lot differant and any man worthy of marriage will see that.
You will learn and grow together in all aspects of your married lives including sex.
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forestberry said:
Forgive me but I am confused. How can you be saving yourself for marriage if you are not a virgin?
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Chosen One said:
You can be saving yourself and have that choice taken out of your hands.
I think what she means is now that the abuse has stopped, she's saving herself from that point until marriage.
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Both are right. I've had sex... but i've broken off all soul ties and now I'm choosing to be chaste from this point on.
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Fatolia
War, love, and prayer...my life
Blue Impulse said:
~ ~
I shall be one to swing off the rafters, thank you very much!
But seriously, how do you know exactly what virgins are doing on their wedding night...hmmmmm?
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"I can only imagine though that a virgin waiting til he is married will have a lot of.. hmm.. pent up sexual energy lol"
LOL.... now, now... too much anticipation at this point could be harmful
lol"LOL.... now, now... too much anticipation at this point could be harmful
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invisiblebabe
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forestberry said:
Soul ties don't exist. Er, I'll put it this way: my ex fiance and I had just as much of an attachment as if we would have had sex. It was just as hard to break things off, and it had just as many consequences in later relationships. Sex can fool you into thinking you are closer than you actually are, but it won't make you more connected.
It's a great idea to cut off all communication with exes though.
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invisiblebabe said:
Soul ties are more of a spiritual thing than a relational thing. It's something that happens in the spirit realm. When two people have sex, their spirits are joined by a spiritual bond. You leave a small "piece" of yourself with each person you have sex with and you also take on a small "piece" of each person you have sex with. It's not about whether or not you love each other or how "connected" you feel. It has much more to do with footholds and spiritual authority and the like than anything else. Even though it is more common with sexual relations, soul ties can also be formed through emotions.
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lawtonfogle
My solace my terror, my terror my solace.
there is a difference from child hood sexual abuse and sex between to people who really love each other, and once again between two people who just like each other.
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lawtonfogle
My solace my terror, my terror my solace.
anyways, the innocent ones know more than anyone besides those who have first hand experience. Everyone thinks Im illiterate on that point, but I know enough to shock their shoes and socks off and then make the socks dance.
Everything I know I have learnt from either school (don't ask) or christian sources. Now, you may question why. First off, I am the one who wants to know everything. So one day I study QM, the next sex ed., the next, chemistry. I just don't let my knowledge run amuck. Plus, you learn alot doing research for a paper on teen pregancy. And then there is the teacher with a affixiation for necrophilics. *cringes*
Everything I know I have learnt from either school (don't ask) or christian sources. Now, you may question why. First off, I am the one who wants to know everything. So one day I study QM, the next sex ed., the next, chemistry. I just don't let my knowledge run amuck. Plus, you learn alot doing research for a paper on teen pregancy. And then there is the teacher with a affixiation for necrophilics. *cringes*
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invisiblebabe
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forestberry said:
Where is Scriptural backup for this? It sounds like gnosticism to me.
Please don't give me any "one flesh" verses either. There are no implications in them whatsoever to back up the idea of spiritual soul ties. Actually, the only thing I've seen in the Bible about anything like soul ties is in 1 Samuel, about David's and Jonathan's souls being connected....
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I don't know what I would call it, but I definitely believe a stronger unhealthy bond is formed in sex outside of marriage, as opposed to just an emotional bond it is also a physical bond.... God created it to do something to us emotionally, and that is why he told us to have sex only within marriage.
I think that virgin guys are a lot more "ready" to jump in than virgin girls, but thats just my personal opinion/experience and from talking to people..... not that its real important such opinions.
I think that virgin guys are a lot more "ready" to jump in than virgin girls, but thats just my personal opinion/experience and from talking to people..... not that its real important such opinions.
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chocolateloverjen
ALSO: ricloverjen AND godloverjen
Erm, i kinda have the same thing really. Hes a virgin, im not. But if you've read my journal you would understand. Jen x
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invisiblebabe
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Leanna said:
I think the type of bond depends on the people and the connection that already exists (or doesnt exist). I also think true intimacy and sin cannot coexist.
Blessings
kayli
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
If I were in his situation, I'd be nervous. You'd know what you're doing and what you want and I wouldn't have a clue. I'd be concerned that I wouldn't be able to please you as much as you have been pleased before. And if I can't do that, what will you think of me.forestberry said:
Another consideration is if the male is supposed to be the one who steps up, takes initiative and leads the relationship (rather than being lazy and less than a man, waiting for the woman to do that) how is that supposed to happen if I'm inexperienced and my partner is the one who is experienced. I wouldn't know what to do with that. Maybe you could get creative and find ways to put the ball in his court while you're doing it. I don't know.
Bottom line is, you will have to help him build his confidence. Because you certainly have the power to take it away.
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I
Inperfected
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I dno't know about guys (coz simply, i'm not one) but i can tell you from my side of it all... My fiance has and it hurts him a lot more than it affects me. I don't really care, he's made a mistake, and he's paid for it, but i haven't really be miss perfect either. It may be that you are more knowledgeable for the first few "nights" but think in a year, it'll be like you've had the same. But by all means, discuss and discuss some more. But then, also don't cross bridges til you get to them
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