Virginity and Marraige

[ParentofChildren]

Honest question:

I believe it would be poor judgement to end a relationship because the other party was not a virgin.

Agree/Disagree?
Why?
If you disagree what other sins would end an otherwise sound relationship?

 

[flippin4christ]

I would not end a relationship that is strong and is built on Faith in God over that. Of course I would go through counseling and always keep the issue opened for discussion between the couple. God understand sin and he forgives sin so in my book it would be a shame for a couple who love each other to give up only on the premise of something God will forgive.

 

[iambren]

Nonvirginity--not a dealbreaker. IMHO, I think virginity is overrated. I've met godly people where both were virgins on the wedding night that ended up divorced. That doesn't mean a life of total depravity to sin is insignificant.

Dealbreakers(for me):

History of lying
Insincere faith
Disparity in education
Too many children
Bad health
Sexually disinterested
Too much drama

 

[VA Pinay]

Most guys I know aren't virgins. If I sit around waiting for Mr. Squeaky Clean to sweep me off my feet... well, I'd better have some Snickers bars handy, I guess.

Not a knock against guys that are saving it--I think that's beautiful. I just mean that I can do the simple math.

So yeah, if he had sex in the past, that's not a deal-breaker.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Anyone who would end a relationship solely on someones sexual history needs to be sat in front of a mirror and judge themselves on past and irrelevant sins as well.

 

[christiansincechildhood]

For myself, it is a matter of principle, much like how many a woman would end a relationship, or marriage, simply because the man doesn't want to have children.

Many people, in this day and age, say virginity is no longer important. I honestly wonder how God would feel about that one? Are we also going to start saying that being faithful to your spouse in no longer important as well? God gave us sex as a gift, and it's a gift that's meant to be enjoyed responsibly. If it's not enjoyed responsibly, that paints a pretty uncertain picture about the kind of person you're entering a relationship with.

In my personal opinion, I wouldn't be completely comfortable marrying a woman who is not a virgin, and there are so many reasons for that decision. For one thing, if she has already had sex, and maybe on a regular basis, she is going to have expectations that she will want me to meet, and I would be unable to. We would have nothing special to share on a honeymoon, because she will have already done it before, when she wasn't supposed to, therefore, the "moment" would be deminished. Also, suppose she had been having sex with more than one person? For all I know, she would be thinking back on intercourses she's had in the past, and be comparing them to what would be going on between the two of us, and she could very well feel that I'm not doing as good a job as other men she has slept with. Suppose she might also be a sex addict, in that case? Her past would be a competition I would not be able to be victorious in, I would find myself competing with however many number of "lovers" she's had in the past.

My only exception to that mindframe would be if she wasn't a virgin, because she had previously been married, in that case, it would not be an issue with me. But, in this day, and age, the likelihood of that being the case is slim. Many couples simply move in together, and have sex whenever they want, because it's less of a hassle to go through the process of getting married. And, less expensive, too.

But, as previously mentioned, if a woman is willing to end a relationship because the man she is seeing does not want children, I think I have a right to end a relationship because the woman I am seeing is not a virgin.

Again: if the saying goes that one's virginity is no longer important, I would like a second opinion from God on that one.

 

[twins15]

I agree that it is not a dealbreaker... because people make mistakes and change their lives. I know people who are not virgins who are nonetheless some of the most holy people I know, they just made a mistake in the past.

The important thing is that they are committed to remaining chaste and abstinent until their wedding date.

 

[wpage]

Mary was the blessed virgin. It would be a great thing to find a potential wife like that.
Of course for Joesph it must have been difficult to accept his virgin bride was pregnant.

Till of course he discovered it was God she was impregnated by.

 

[Melethiel]

For myself, it is a matter of principle, much like how many a woman would end a relationship, or marriage, simply because the man doesn't want to have children.

Many people, in this day and age, say virginity is no longer important. I honestly wonder how God would feel about that one? Are we also going to start saying that being faithful to your spouse in no longer important as well? God gave us sex as a gift, and it's a gift that's meant to be enjoyed responsibly. If it's not enjoyed responsibly, that paints a pretty uncertain picture about the kind of person you're entering a relationship with.

In my personal opinion, I wouldn't be completely comfortable marrying a woman who is not a virgin, and there are so many reasons for that decision. For one thing, if she has already had sex, and maybe on a regular basis, she is going to have expectations that she will want me to meet, and I would be unable to. We would have nothing special to share on a honeymoon, because she will have already done it before, when she wasn't supposed to, therefore, the "moment" would be deminished. Also, suppose she had been having sex with more than one person? For all I know, she would be thinking back on intercourses she's had in the past, and be comparing them to what would be going on between the two of us, and she could very well feel that I'm not doing as good a job as other men she has slept with. Suppose she might also be a sex addict, in that case? Her past would be a competition I would not be able to be victorious in, I would find myself competing with however many number of "lovers" she's had in the past.

My only exception to that mindframe would be if she wasn't a virgin, because she had previously been married, in that case, it would not be an issue with me. But, in this day, and age, the likelihood of that being the case is slim. Many couples simply move in together, and have sex whenever they want, because it's less of a hassle to go through the process of getting married. And, less expensive, too.

But, as previously mentioned, if a woman is willing to end a relationship because the man she is seeing does not want children, I think I have a right to end a relationship because the woman I am seeing is not a virgin.

Again: if the saying goes that one's virginity is no longer important, I would like a second opinion from God on that one.

What if she made a mistake in the past, and has repented of it? Would you keep holding it over her head like that?

From what people I've talked to who've made that mistake have said, there is no "comparison to previous partners" going on.

So yes, I feel that lack of virginity is not a deal breaker, if it was a past sin that they have repented of. Now, if they see nothing wrong with it and continue in that lifestyle, then yes, there's a problem.

 

[christiansincechildhood]

What if she made a mistake in the past, and has repented of it? Would you keep holding it over her head like that?

If she consented, which actually is the case most of the time, then I fail to see how it can be classified as a "mistake". There is no "she knows not what she does", because she does know what she's doing, but why is she doing it? Number of different, and varying reasons.

Though, if it wasn't consentual, like perhaps she was taken advantage of, without her knowing at the time, or something even worse, like being forced against her will, that would be a different story altogether.

 

[Melethiel]

If she consented, which actually is the case most of the time, then I fail to see how it can be classified as a "mistake". There is no "she knows not what she does", because she does know what she's doing, but why is she doing it? Number of different, and varying reasons.

Though, if it wasn't consentual, like perhaps she was taken advantage of, without her knowing at the time, or something even worse, like being forced against her will, that would be a different story altogether.

So you're saying that you've never sinned in a moment of weakness? Never knew that you shouldn't lie, but lied anyway? Nothing of the sort? You're right, there are many different reasons, and those reasons ought to be taken into account, as it whether she is repentant or not.

 

[christiansincechildhood]

So you're saying that you've never sinned in a moment of weakness? Never knew that you shouldn't lie, but lied anyway? Nothing of the sort?

Not at all, I am not saying that at all. What I was saying is that if the actions are intentional, then I don't believe it can be called a "mistake". It's kind of like doing something on purpose, then saying it was an accident: a bit of contradition in terms.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Are you serious, CSC? You're really going to go to that psychological length just to protect your own reasoning of why you wouldn't marry a nonvirgin? I'm sure the real reason is the same as it is for almost anybody: envy (that she got more action than you), entitlement (you stayed a virgin, therefore you deserve a virgin), or thinking that your judgment is better than God's (God forgave her for her sins, but somehow I can't). Enlighten me if otherwise.

 

[christiansincechildhood]

I had a longer reply planned, but was logged out, lost my post, and really don't feel like getting back up on the soapbox and repeating myself again.

In short, it has nothing to do with envy, entitlement, or anything of that nature. It is just my personal view on the subject: I feel that relationships, and love, are serious business, and, as such, I take them seriously. People today may feel it's okay to have sex on a first date, move in together without getting married, essentially throw their virginity away because it is "no longer important". I don't. That may be the way our current society feels, but I don't think so. And again, I am not saying that I don't sin, because I do, everybody sins, whether they want to admit it, or not, but I admit it, I do sin, I have sinned, I will sin, I do fall short, I have fallen short, and I will fall shot, but that is to say, I haven't done so to this extreme, which, when not careful, can result in some pretty serious consequences (unplanned pregnancy, STDs, among other things).

The question of this discussion was would any of us consider loss of virginity before marriage a deal-breaker? The rest of you might not think so, and that is all fine, it is your opinion, but my opinion is otherwise. For me, it would be a deal-breaker. It may seem like a ridiculous reason for a deal-breaker, but as I've mentioned earlier, there's a lot of different, and equally ridiculous reasons people consider deal-breakers, including occasions where women feel men not wanting to have children is a deal-breaker.

I do apologize if I, or my opinion bothers anybody here. This is just the way I feel about the subject, and I wanted to throw my two cents into the pot.

 

[iambren]

I had a longer reply planned, but was logged out, lost my post, and really don't feel like getting back up on the soapbox and repeating myself again.

In short, it has nothing to do with envy, entitlement, or anything of that nature. It is just my personal view on the subject: I feel that relationships, and love, are serious business, and, as such, I take them seriously. People today may feel it's okay to have sex on a first date, move in together without getting married, essentially throw their virginity away because it is "no longer important". I don't. That may be the way our current society feels, but I don't think so. And again, I am not saying that I don't sin, because I do, everybody sins, whether they want to admit it, or not, but I admit it, I do sin, I have sinned, I will sin, I do fall short, I have fallen short, and I will fall shot, but that is to say, I haven't done so to this extreme, which, when not careful, can result in some pretty serious consequences (unplanned pregnancy, STDs, among other things).

The question of this discussion was would any of us consider loss of virginity before marriage a deal-breaker? The rest of you might not think so, and that is all fine, it is your opinion, but my opinion is otherwise. For me, it would be a deal-breaker. It may seem like a ridiculous reason for a deal-breaker, but as I've mentioned earlier, there's a lot of different, and equally ridiculous reasons people consider deal-breakers, including occasions where women feel men not wanting to have children is a deal-breaker.

I do apologize if I, or my opinion bothers anybody here. This is just the way I feel about the subject, and I wanted to throw my two cents into the pot.

I'm not trying to pick on you CSC but you seemed to be less than forthright in your response to those who ask "WHY". You are correct in that the OP just wanted to see if it was a dealbreaker and you've answered that. If you would care to I'm a little curious too. You said it was not "envy, entitlement". You talk of people throwing it away on the first date, of society not taking it seriously, that this is an "extreme" sin that has consequences...

It is your right, but what is YOUR GUT reason personally why YOU want a virgin? When I was first married at 20 my wife was a virgin on our wedding night. It was nice, it was sort of a seal in a sense, not a dealbreaker. Didn't help us much;she had an affair 3-4 years later. But I don't condemn you, would simply like to know your heart vs head on this one.

 

[Matariki]

Honest question:

I believe it would be poor judgment to end a relationship because the other party was not a virgin.

Agree/Disagree?
Why?
If you disagree what other sins would end an otherwise sound relationship?

Disagree.

Why?
I could easily forgive an individual who was a victim of sexual abuse. Even if their virginity was taken from them by force, I would still view them as a virgin in my eyes, as it wasn't their fault nor conscience decision. I would probably have difficulty with an individual who lost their virginity through reckless and selfish behavior, forgiven, yes, but I would always be on edge. Trust would be harder for me to develop with them, even though as a Christian they would have a change of heart, they would have to prove their commitment to Christ and to me as their partner over a longer period of time.

The only thing that could end a relationship (in divorce) for me would be adultery. A conscience decision to cheat on me, to hurt me and potential family. Abuse would end the realtionship through separation.

 

[christiansincechildhood]

When I was first married at 20 my wife was a virgin on our wedding night. It was nice, it was sort of a seal in a sense, not a dealbreaker. Didn't help us much;she had an affair 3-4 years later. But I don't condemn you, would simply like to know your heart vs head on this one.

Oh my, I am terribly sorry to hear that. Affairs are a devastating and damaging thing on everybody who end involved, either directly, or indirectly. My father had an extra-marital affair with an ex several years ago, and it really dealt a blow to my family for a long time. Sometimes, there's occasions that "reopen old wounds", but my mother determines to not let it happen ever again.

I'm not trying to pick on you CSC but you seemed to be less than forthright in your response to those who ask "WHY".

Maybe that is while I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over again, like I'm doing more talking, and making less sense... :o

You are correct in that the OP just wanted to see if it was a dealbreaker and you've answered that. If you would care to I'm a little curious too. You said it was not "envy, entitlement". You talk of people throwing it away on the first date, of society not taking it seriously, that this is an "extreme" sin that has consequences...

It is your right, but what is YOUR GUT reason personally why YOU want a virgin?

I could go into all kinds of different details in what I would like in someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with (including the subject of virginity), but I am afraid it would make even less sense, in text, than what I have already been trying to say previously, and I really don't believe many would understand what I have to say.

 

[VA Pinay]

And again, I am not saying that I don't sin, because I do, everybody sins, whether they want to admit it, or not, but I admit it, I do sin, I have sinned, I will sin, I do fall short, I have fallen short, and I will fall shot, but that is to say, I haven't done so to this extreme, which, when not careful, can result in some pretty serious consequences (unplanned pregnancy, STDs, among other things).

That is some serious high horse nonsense.

Did God come to you personally and lay out the hierarchy of which sins are "more extreme" than others? So you know which ones are more detestable in His eyes than others? Is there a nifty chart that lays it out in order from most minor to most major to which you are somehow privy?

No, the truth is that you have no idea which sins are more or less severe in the eyes of God.

Here's a helpful hint: if your partner had sex before getting with you, it's not a sin against you, it's a sin against God. You weren't even in the picture at the time.

If God can forgive it (and God's forgiveness is beyond our comprehension), you would do well to attempt to get over yourself, and whatever complexes are holding you back. Regardless of how that sounds, please know that I say that with love and a sincere hope that you won't let your hang-ups box you into a life of chasing some pure ideal that doesn't exist.

 

[christiansincechildhood]

I would probably have difficulty with an individual who lost their virginity through reckless and selfish behavior, forgiven, yes, but I would always be on edge. Trust would be harder for me to develop with them, even though as a Christian they would have a change of heart, they would have to prove their commitment to Christ and to me as their partner over a longer period of time.

I believe that pretty much sums up what I was trying to say, basically.

But aside from that, I think I will leave this thread alone now, I seem to be angering a lot of people here with my opinion on the matter, and I don't wish to cause any trouble for anybody here. Especially, considering I'm still relatively new here, myself.

 

[Matariki]

I believe that pretty much sums up what I was trying to say, basically.

Glad I could help, sometimes it takes another to help get the message across.