Very Lost and Confused

[Kudzu106]

My husband and I have had a very rough couple of years. I had become a nagging and harping bully. God spoke to me at a work event through the speakers and I realized that I had to change a lot to bring things back and that if I don't treat him as I want to be treated that we will go no where. The problem comes from the fact that I keep having set backs and my husband says that with every set back I am going back more than I am moving forward. The current major problem I have is that I don't trust his new co worker/ friends. He was talking to one of them (a young women) for hours in the middle of the night while he was gone on a mission trip. He had not told me about her or the others. Because of how I had been acting he wanted to have a life that I was not a part of. His job makes him feel like he is appreciated and he gets praise. Things I was not giving him. When he was home I really did not want him here because he did not want to be here. Vicious cycle. I felt so free for a few days after my change of mindset but the more he was resisting my change the more I went back to being jealous and selfish wanting his time. We are at a point where we have nothing in common and I don't know where things are going. I pray every day several times a day for God to show me the way and to help me deal better with my emotions. My husband knows that because of a previous mistake of his ( he had an emotional affair) I am having a hard time trusting, and because I called the current women and well I threathened her by wanting to know what was going on and if she was sleeping with my husband. Thus I am not allowed around his job. It is very hard because they are his friends yet co workers. He comes home to me everynight(early morning) but I still feel that I am competing with them because they have more things in common with him and I am a much stronger preson than him on the part of seeing how people are. I had to unfriend him on Facebook because they tag him in photos all the time and I could not handle it seeing that the only thing there was him and his friends not his family.

I know I have rambled but I just don't know where to turn where to go or what to do. I work 2 jobs and keep our son most nights. and because of this I really have no friends. Just the tv and the internet everynight.

I have wanted to just end it all the intense emotions are hard to deal with. I bought lots of chirstian books on marriage to read so that I might gain more insight on what my role is to be.

 

[Criada]

It sounds as though both of you are struggling - it might be a good idea to talk to someone together - maybe your pastor or a marriage counselor/

Praying for you both

 

[RuthD]

Sounds like you have a lot to sort out and work out together. I agree with Criada that a marriage counselor or pastor can help you two to work things out together. Praying for you dear heart.

 

[Kudzu106]

Can't talk to our actual pastor as we have not been to church in over a year. Disagreement with how our pastor and wife dealt with an issue. and we have not taken the time to find another church, not really sure my husband wants to find one any more. Trying to find a counselor, the last one I went to did not even want to help he just told me that I needed to divorce my husband and I have let it all fester for another year instead of dealing with it all.

I feel my husband is hiding things but without snooping and stalking him all I have is his word that he loves me and wants no one else and if he did want someone else he would have already left.

I have no friends but right now friends are not what I need I need someone on the outside that can look at both sides openly and help us through this time.

Thank you for praying for me and I will continue to pray and try to give it up to God that it will all work out in his time and his way. I know that if I can then I will feel peace but it is soo hard.

 

[opengate07]

You are in a very rough spot right now and my heart is with you. TRUST is very important in the union between spouses and without that communication breaks down. God says that a marriage cannot be ended unless their is unfaithfulness so sometimes it can be a very difficult road to walk. We come together as ONE in Christ when we say I DO, but as time goes on we find ourselves drifting apart. Along with trust also comes honesty and without being honest with one another we begin to doubt. You should not have to compete for your husband's attention and affection you have a right to know that his heart belongs to you. I will not judge your husband and his outside activities because I do not know him, but from what I read (that you wrote) I think you two need to have a heart to heart talk about where you both stand. Either you BOTH want to commit to one another with complete and trust or you will remain separated Spiritually and emotionally. If you our capable take a weekend and just go someplace does not have to be far and just be with each other. Also, do not look down upon yourself you are a unique individual and have a lot to offer so do not let FB people or anyone for that matter make you feel that you do not count ... you are very important. Jesus loves you! Keeping you both in prayer.

 

[SMacGregor]

Forgiveness is for yourself only. It is to help you to move on. It does not condone any crime. It does not give the perpetrator a signal to go out and do it again. It is, I believe, a spiritual act and God is involved.

Cheers,

 

[Chaplain David]

Can't talk to our actual pastor as we have not been to church in over a year. Disagreement with how our pastor and wife dealt with an issue. and we have not taken the time to find another church, not really sure my husband wants to find one any more. Trying to find a counselor, the last one I went to did not even want to help he just told me that I needed to divorce my husband and I have let it all fester for another year instead of dealing with it all.

I feel my husband is hiding things but without snooping and stalking him all I have is his word that he loves me and wants no one else and if he did want someone else he would have already left.

I have no friends but right now friends are not what I need I need someone on the outside that can look at both sides openly and help us through this time.

Thank you for praying for me and I will continue to pray and try to give it up to God that it will all work out in his time and his way. I know that if I can then I will feel peace but it is soo hard.

I want to say that I agree with Criada's advice. Talking to a counselor might be a very good idea. Also, you mentioned that you couldn't talk to your pastor because you haven't been to church in more than one year. This would actually be an ideal time to talk with him as it could help you get back to church. If I was your pastor I'd be overjoyed to see any of my flock whose church attendance had lapsed. He would welcome you. Praying for you.

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

 

[whitebeaches]

I am praying for you and your marriage and praying you will find someone to talk to (((( hugs ))))

 

[Tainted Scrolls]

At the very least I am happy that you can admit that you are part of the problem. It really does seem that nobody does that anymore. It is a hard situation that I don't really know how to help you with. I am somewhat in the same boat as you right now except I am not in the bonds of marriage so it might be easier for me to walk away but ask your self if what you are feeling is for the right reasons? You cannot be bitter and you cannot hate him for wanting to have friends. All that you can do is control your self and your own actions. It is easier said than done but seriously focus on your self and do not put your happiness in his hands.

 

[Krissy Cakes]

I'm praying for you and your marriage.