Very hurt

[Blaise N]

Hi everyone,

As the title states,I feel very hurt,as I’m suspicious that a girl I’ve been having a good friend relationship with is manipulating me,all been I give her gifts and take her to dinner.And I feel very hurt because I have nothing but completely innocent intentions.It’s very hurtful being single because most guys my age are druggies,Worldly,unbelievers,lawbreakers,and wicked and all the girls like them,while the polite,believing,and kind guys like me are left in puddles of tears.I’ve been through countless valentines days lonely,I’ve cried and sobbed over loneliness.I have so much care and love to offer a girl but can’t find any Christian girl in today’s society.And I keep getting intrusive thoughts and thoughts to be angry at God for it,when I refuse to be angry at him,but I’m internally confused wether I am or not.And I’m scared of turning away from him.

I just don’t know why someone so kind as me is still single.I’m not looking for a fornicating relationship at all,though this isn’t an excuse,singleness is why I was enslaved to pornography for so long.And I hate myself for being so hypocritically enslaved to it.I don’t know,I can never find any Christian girl.At this point I’m considering online dating…….

 

[Saucy]

So you're another "nice guy" type that's angry at God for being single and says most of the guys your age are lawbreaking druggies. If God is the reason why you're single, He's doing you and the person He'd send your way a favor. You sound emotionally unready for any kind of stable relationship. Watching porn is a relationship killer and being enslaved to it is inviting all kinds of darkness into your heart.

Being kind isn't enough. The easiest thing you can do is not to assume you're ready and realize that God is still working on you.

 

[Sketcher]

Online dating won't help you if you keep doing what you've been doing.

Do you buy gifts for your male friends? Do you take them to dinner? If you don't, don't do these things for a woman who wants to be "just friends." Do nothing for her that you wouldn't do for a guy (except maybe walk her to her car at night, that's it). Save your efforts for women who actually reciprocate.

If a woman doesn't like you, and prefers the worldly, the unbelievers, the druggies, the lawbreakers, and the wicked, then she's not worth your efforts or your tears. She has poor taste, poor judgment, and probably poor character. She does not deserve for you to be there as her backup plan or her rescue plan. Save your dignity. Let a good local ministry help her instead if she finds herself in need after spending too much time with those guys.

If she doesn't like you and prefers other guys who are believers instead, then your efforts and tears are still unnecessary waste. Still, don't be her backup plan. If she either rejects you or does not return your feelings once, she's had her chance, move on. Save your dignity and stop orbiting her.

Remember, just as there are girls who give away sex for free that are not respected by guys (even though many who do not follow Jesus will take the sex), there are guys who will give away time and comfort and favors to girls for free who are not respected by the girls - even though they'll take the money, the favors, and until it becomes suffocating to them, the compliments and validation. Don't be that guy anymore.

For Valentine's Day, just forget about it. It's one less big date you have to plan and one less gift you have to get. There are better things to spend your time and your money on. I just tune it out while countless other guys scramble. That will change if I find myself in a relationship, but until then I just let it go by.

 

[angelsaroundme]

The one positive with online dating is it makes it upfront that you are doing some kind of dating. Removing any possibility that it could be misconstrued that you are only looking for a friendship might be worth trying it out.

That said, online dating is it's own crazy world from what I've heard. I'd prepare myself as much as possible before ever considering dipping a toe in that water.

 

[High Fidelity]

Bro you’re 19, get a grip. You speak as if you’re 50. You have a whole life ahead.

 

[Niels]

Sorry to hear that. There’s a lot to unpack from your post.

If she manipulates you once, shame on her. If there’s a pattern of manipulation, then shame on you for keeping her around. It’s better to be alone for a while than to accept that kind of treatment from others.

Respect should be earned. Don’t give it away for free. A woman needs to earn yours. It’s possible to be friendly and maintain personal boundaries while learning what kind of individual she really is, but don't be a pushover. Reserve your best for those who truly deserve it, and distance yourself from those who don’t.

Birds of a feather flock together. The girls dating those guys aren’t the perfect angels you seem to think they are, and don’t belong on a pedestal. Respect yourself by turning your attention to things that you have more control over, like work or school.

Your porn addiction may have caused you to lower your standards. For others and for yourself. I would encourage you to find better things to do with your time. Focus on your own goals and interests instead.

If you genuinely have an abundance of kindness in you heart that needs to be shared, you might find volunteer work, or working for a charity to be rewarding.

Don’t be afraid to express your concerns to God, and pray for wisdom on how to handle this gracefully. He’s the one who best understands the problems faced by his people. Far better than any of us can.

 

[trophy33]

I feel very hurt...
And I feel very hurt... It’s very hurtful... Worldly,unbelievers,lawbreakers,and wicked and all the girls like them,while the polite and kind guys like me are left in puddles of tears....
...I’ve cried and sobbed...
I just don’t know why someone so kind as me is still single...

Almost every study done about this shows that girls do not like meek, hurt, crying, sensitive, kind men.

If you want to be more than just "a friend who pays dinner", then you have to become more manly.

That does not mean sinner or evil, it simply means stronger, successful and emotionally stable.

In this way you will send signals "I can protect you from others and provide for you" which is subconciously what women go after. Thats why they are attracted to "bad boys" or to rich men. Also, do not show desperate need of a woman or else they will think you are a loser, which is not attractive.

Online dating does not work for men. Its just a lost of time. Any average girl gets so much attention there from hundreds of men that its a very special day to even get a response. You can try, but you will see.

Edit: Also, as other poster said, you are 19, still almost a child. In 30 you will be maybe ready. Do not date a woman if you are not ready and stable enough to be a good father. Its just a childish hormonal nonsense, mostly harmful for both sides, until then.

My advice - wait until you will be around 30. In that age you will be established in life, stronger, confident, with a good job, living on your own and in the peak of dating desirability for women. This is much more attractive to women than a poor 19years old student who is crying he is alone on a Valentine day. You have plenty of time, use it for good.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hi everyone,

As the title states,I feel very hurt,as I’m suspicious that a girl I’ve been having a good friend relationship with is manipulating me,all been I give her gifts and take her to dinner.And I feel very hurt because I have nothing but completely innocent intentions.It’s very hurtful being single because most guys my age are druggies,Worldly,unbelievers,lawbreakers,and wicked and all the girls like them,while the polite,believing,and kind guys like me are left in puddles of tears.I’ve been through countless valentines days lonely,I’ve cried and sobbed over loneliness.I have so much care and love to offer a girl but can’t find any Christian girl in today’s society.And I keep getting intrusive thoughts and thoughts to be angry at God for it,when I refuse to be angry at him,but I’m internally confused wether I am or not.And I’m scared of turning away from him.

I just don’t know why someone so kind as me is still single.I’m not looking for a fornicating relationship at all,though this isn’t an excuse,singleness is why I was enslaved to pornography for so long.And I hate myself for being so hypocritically enslaved to it.I don’t know,I can never find any Christian girl.At this point I’m considering online dating…….

It's a problem. A surprising number of women don't want nice guys. Jordan Peterson observed this after decades as a practicing psychologist.

I suggest that you check out this youtube:

 

[Sketcher]

Edit: Also, as other poster said, you are 19, still almost a child. In 30 you will be maybe ready. Do not date a woman if you are not ready and stable enough to be a good father. Its just a childish hormonal nonsense, mostly harmful for both sides, until then.

My advice - wait until you will be around 30. In that age you will be established in life, stronger, confident, with a good job, living on your own and in the peak of dating desirability for women. This is much more attractive to women than a poor 19years old student who is crying he is alone on a Valentine day. You have plenty of time, use it for good.

One thing I will add to this is: this can be true if you make the right choices between now and 30. It's more than just getting a job and your own place. It's more than being more or less physically fit. You also need to know how to deal with people, and in particular, women. Part of this will include learning how to set and keep the right boundaries.

 

[Astrid]

Hi everyone,

As the title states,I feel very hurt,as I’m suspicious that a girl I’ve been having a good friend relationship with is manipulating me,all been I give her gifts and take her to dinner.And I feel very hurt because I have nothing but completely innocent intentions.It’s very hurtful being single because most guys my age are druggies,Worldly,unbelievers,lawbreakers,and wicked and all the girls like them,while the polite,believing,and kind guys like me are left in puddles of tears.I’ve been through countless valentines days lonely,I’ve cried and sobbed over loneliness.I have so much care and love to offer a girl but can’t find any Christian girl in today’s society.And I keep getting intrusive thoughts and thoughts to be angry at God for it,when I refuse to be angry at him,but I’m internally confused wether I am or not.And I’m scared of turning away from him.

I just don’t know why someone so kind as me is still single.I’m not looking for a fornicating relationship at all,though this isn’t an excuse,singleness is why I was enslaved to pornography for so long.And I hate myself for being so hypocritically enslaved to it.I don’t know,I can never find any Christian girl.At this point I’m considering online dating…….

That is quite a list of ways that you are superior to
most guys.

 

[angelsaroundme]

The problem with dating when you have low self-esteem and not much else going on in your life is that you can wind up with a user. And the user will probably know you have low self-esteem and take advantage of that. They will treat you terribly, and really you will be better off without them, but you'll think this is the best you can get and maybe someday they'll change.

You might want to make it your New Years' resolution to find ways to improve your self confidence. The goal would be to have happiness in yourself and feel good about yourself while being single. That could be physical fitness, making male friends, getting involved in a club, church, or charity, becoming more knowledgeable by reading, etc. Then if you ever do end up with someone you won't be as dependent on them for your happiness.

 

[Blaise N]

Almost every study done about this shows that girls do not like meek, hurt, crying, sensitive, kind men.

If you want to be more than just "a friend who pays dinner", then you have to become more manly.

That does not mean sinner or evil, it simply means stronger, successful and emotionally stable.

In this way you will send signals "I can protect you from others and provide for you" which is subconciously what women go after. Thats why they are attracted to "bad boys" or to rich men. Also, do not show desperate need of a woman or else they will think you are a loser, which is not attractive.

Online dating does not work for men. Its just a lost of time. Any average girl gets so much attention there from hundreds of men that its a very special day to even get a response. You can try, but you will see.

Edit: Also, as other poster said, you are 19, still almost a child. In 30 you will be maybe ready. Do not date a woman if you are not ready and stable enough to be a good father. Its just a childish hormonal nonsense, mostly harmful for both sides, until then.

My advice - wait until you will be around 30. In that age you will be established in life, stronger, confident, with a good job, living on your own and in the peak of dating desirability for women. This is much more attractive to women than a poor 19years old student who is crying he is alone on a Valentine day. You have plenty of time, use it for good.

I’m not necessarily sensitive,I have a will of solid titanium,I’m somewhat muscular and extremely protective of people I care for.I’d risk death to protect someone.