Very confused

[buffybot]

Hi All

This is a major problem for me at the moment,a long story but i will try to explain.
I have all kinds of problems with relationships now with woman because 8 years ago my girl friend was murdered and raped by her x-boyfriend and now i am very confused.
Do i just wait until i die and i am with her again? or do i carry on in this life? anyway God says trust him like Arabham did,and jacob and rachel are very good examples of love and faith.
Even now 8 years on how could i ask a woman out?surely i have to wait for God to show me who he wants me to be with.You know where it says man should not make his own plains and trust God and so on i don't know what to do.
Faith without action as in james and so on confuse me because if i ask somone out would that not be me not trusting God? some people say to me dating sites would be good for me but how is that faith when you are looking for it.....also if there is someone you like and they have a boyfriend would that be wrong to try and get her to go out with you also.
Forgive me all,i know i am not making sense but this whole problem has been sending me crazy for years.What is and what is not right,i am trying to get it all out here fast.
I don't think now i would be any use to a woman because i am so complex now anyway,God says he will give you the desires of your heart and so on.I just wanted to have a woman who loved me and still do but What does God want me to do? i am in conflict.How do i serve God because in my heart i want to have a woman's love always have,and if i go against this then i am lying to myself.So i would be serving God in a way i don't want to if i say oh yes God.. i will do this and that,and give up a woman's love for you when all the time i don't feel it is right,what is Gods will for me
Try and make sense of this Brent,am i a fool or selfish? please let me know as i don't know what is right,you wise ones out there.....help PLEASE.

What is faith? the devil has done a good job on me here sorry for the bad English i am stressed and just had to post this without checking it..sorry

 

[sandman]

buffybot

Maybe you have heard the old saying the more complex the problem the more simple the solution…I think this is applicable to your situation. So I am going to be real simple, and real direct with you.


It is time for you to move, you need to move out of the rut you have been in, in your mind, and set your thoughts on the things of God.

That was a chapter in your life, turn the page and start a new chapter. I am not saying forget the past ..you won’t, and I wouldn’t expect that, but don’t live in it. It has been holding you down, and will continue to do so until you turn that page.

This is what the next chapter in your life should be “ Building my love and relationship with God”. And even though this is your next chapter it should be the underline theme throughout each of the chapters of your life’s book. This is a priority! Your desire for a woman and that relationship will be the following chapter and will go something like this “I have so many girl friends” ….oops……… sorry, wrong book {that was the “old man” book} lets try this…. it’s kind of a long title, because this chapter is very, very long with many sub chapters. “How I met Rachel/or whoever when witnessing Gods word, I am going to marry her and we will spend our godly lives building our relationship”.

You can’t put the cart before the horse. What you think you want now is a woman, but that is not what you need at this time. There is nothing wrong with desiring that but if you got into a relationship right now …… it wouldn’t be best, for you or for the woman; and remember your choices will generally never be between good and bad, but between good and Best. God always has the best reserved for us, the adversary is the one who tries to substitute with good.

Sub-titles in your next chapter

*Reading the Bible for at least one half hour every day

*Memorizing scripture that is applicable to my situations

*Prayer

*Fellowship with other fellow believers as much as possible

*Witnessing – deliberately going out with the intent to witness Gods word twice a week



Just to let you know, I’ve been there……..not the exact situation but very similar so I am with you in prayer. Your rising above this does not need to take a great amount of time just the right attitude and believing.

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God Bless

sandman

 

[buffybot]

Hello Sandman

It's sad to hear you to have had a similar story to tell.It seems more and more common these days unfortunately.
But you are right i am in a rut so many have said the same as you but it does not seem to sink in but everyone can't be wrong!.It is more of a mental trap i am in possibly than spiritual,but i must move on and in my heart of hearts i know this.
The problem has been i tried to deal with it myself without the real help of others and my confusion got out of control.You can't really be Dr and patient in one at times,you do need someone to look in at times.
One confusion does lead to another.. i am prove of that no doult and now the time may be right to break this curse,it's only my fear now that controls me.
I have to deal with one thing at a time now spiritually and mentally so this is a start.Thanks so much for your insight and help......

God bless

buffybot

 

[seangoh]

Well, relationships can be a big headache don't u think? Like what many have told you. You just have to drop the whole thing and move on with life, but it's easier said than done of course. Probably a professional counsellor would help if you're willing since u've been struggling with the same problem for 8 years.

On the other hand, i saw in your post that the Lord will give us the desires of our hearts. That is not true because you've missed out on the first half of the sentence which is taken from Psa 37:4
"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. "

We must delight ourselves in the Lord. Be satisfied that He alone can satisfy us and live such a life. Once we portray this kind of life, hen only can we receive the desires of our heart which will always come when we least expect it.

 

[GreenEyedLady]

My husband got a hold of this verse after losing our daughter.
Memorize it and then do it!
Proverbs 16:3 ¶Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.
Do works for the Lord and HE will establish your thoughts!

 

[sandman]

buffybot



Sometimes our identity becomes the tragedy rather then our identity being with Christ.



It does start with your confession of who you are and what you have in Christ. You probably need to make a list of positive affirmations that you can recite out loud, in the morning and evening. As the saying goes – “Confession of belief yields receipt of confession”.



Eight years, eight days, or eight minutes, everybody is different when it comes to recovery.

You are you, and nobody else knows what exactly you have been through. Some can empathizes, others can sympathizes, but nobody can really know your true heart, your feelings and your hurt ………….save God. But there is one thing we all have in common and that is the ability to change our lives by renewing our mind to the Word. By confessing the reality of what God wrought in Christ Jesus rather then the crippling negatives of the world you will begin to slowly rise above and out of the prisons of your mind.

You know in your heart it’s time I can see it in your post. And if your ready …God is ready…..but you have to act.

What are the four Ds - Decision, desire, detail, and deliverance.

You make the decision to get our of where your at and you start to build the desire. The details are what you do to overcome your situation because of the desire you have to change, and as you follow through with the details the deliverance will come.

I have no doubt you can do this…because I am confident in the Lord. It may not be easy at first because your breaking habit patterns your stepping out of an area you have been comfortable in, but you keep going, keep moving, building that desire, and God will deliver.



However you choose to do it. Seek counseling or entrench yourself in the Word it will still be up to you to change your thinking by renewing your mind. The new you is waiting to emerge, like the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to the butterfly it’s time to break out of the cocoon and give those wings a try.

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God Bless

sandman

 

[buffybot]

GreenEyedLady,I can not imagine what it is like to lose a baby and such a beautiful one to.But thanks for the reply,you are such a good example of how to deal,only if i had your grace
And seangoh,yes i did miss out the first line this is a bad habit of mine.A habit that stems from desperation but it does me no good..that is ignorance on my part.
Sandman,a list is a good idea this would give me an aim so i can start on the right track.But i can see a cloud of depression has covered me,and as seangoh says help would be a good way forward with a christian counsellor this time though,as in the past i saw a ..how can i put it.. a mainstream counsellor? well non christian anyway,big mistake on my part just made things much more complex,and two visits was not enough i think at the time.

Anyway thanks and God bless you all

 

[desi]

Doing for yourself does not betray faith in the Lord. If it did I would not go to work.

 

[buffybot]

That is a very good point