venting...

[makeitwork]

my middle daughter is 10 years old and i had, HAD enough!

she has art class she is notorious for getting paint on herself and clothes. so this morning i had her take a shower.

the first thing i noticed is how fast it took her to take it, when she was dressed i saw the paint still on her arm, the shower wasn't dryed off, her dirty clothes were around her basket, didn't put deodorant on, and didn't brush her teeth.

so i asked did you wash with soap? she said yes. why didn't the paint come off? she said i don't know. i said if i get this paint off with soap and water your grounded. she said ok i didn't wash with soap.

BY NOW MY BLOOD IS BOILING!

hubby comes in and asks what's going on? i told him, and he says well maybe the soap didn't take it off. i said did you hear what i said SHE DIDN'T WASH HER BODY WITH SOAP WHEN SHE TOOK HER SHOWER!

so right in front of him i washed her arm and SURPISE the paint came off!

my hubby says YOU KNOW MAKEITWORK SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU JUST SO WE DON'T HAVE TO HEAR YOU YELL.

i walked away and made her breakfast and her lunch.

when she went to school i said to hubby i needed your support not for you to pick sides. it was wrong of her to do what she did and i am getting tired of it.

he just knodded.

VENT VENT VENT

i am too tired to write out what my 5 year old did this morning too.

 

[homeofmew]

My advice, be glad you have this problem and not other problems.
This is small amounts of drama than finding out your child is doing drugs, pregnant, or dead. Kids don't get sometimes why they are expected to do that. Don't get all mad over it, or they will get intimidated by other things.

As in "I can't tell mom or She'll get mad".

good luck
homeofmew

 

[BeanMak]

It is hard to have to follow after folks to get them to do what we want and very frustrating. But listen to what your husband said- my hubby says YOU KNOW MAKEITWORK SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU JUST SO WE DON'T HAVE TO HEAR YOU YELL

yelling isn't working to get what you need. Deep breath. Take her back in the bathroom and gently, quietly help her get clean as you want her to be. children take the fastest easiest way through. I know that I REALLY expected more out of my kids than they were capable of giving me sometimes. Sometimes they would live up to my expectation but more often they did not. The kids know they fail you, that isn't the feeling you want for them.

 

[jemoess]

sorry you're having a frustrating time with your daughter at the moment.

 

[MessianicMommy]

I am sorry you are so frustrated. Sounds like maybe you need some more tools in your parenting toolbox.

Maybe this book will help?
Amazon.com: Your Ten- to Fourteen-Year-Old (9780440506782): Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. Ilg, Sidney M. Baker: Books

A 10 year old generally will need a lot of follow up and questioning and insurance they do what you asked, unless they are very mature for their age.

It sounds like there isn't a whole lot of mutual respect going around - instead there are some unreal expectations. Set your children up for success, rather than failure. They want to please you.. Help them please you.

 

[makeitwork]

sometimes i feel like its 6 aganist 1. (6 thats my 5 children and hubby).
i just needed to blow off stream because the same day my 5 year old decided to cut a chunck of her hair right before school, and my 13 year old didn't do his homework.
so yelling and being frustrated was all i can do.

 

[BeanMak]

trust me, I have had days like that. My oldest son cut his own hair so often I finally just shaved his head

 

[MessianicMommy]

We keep all office supplies away from the little people. My kids would be like Harold and the Purple Crayon (remember that book?) and color all over everything. .. The only scissors DS#1 gets to use are at kindergarten under teacher supervision. I just can't turn my back on DS#2 to let DS#1 try. Since they can get into the silverware drawers, I think knives will quickly be making a move into a cup elsewhere above where they can reach. (and don't know where it is) They frequently push stools/chairs up to investigate now, so unless someone is here, I can't do more than go to the bathroom very quickly unless they are asleep.

We have a crisis or two, sometimes three a day. I understand high stress levels. Two boys that are high needs born 18 months apart - totally been there these last almost 4 years... If they're left alone for 3 minutes, something always happens. I live in such high stress, and I already am not healthy - this makes it harder to improve the situation.

There are many ways to set children up for success, and have more parenting tools in your toolbox so that yelling and frustration/overwhelm can be some of the last tools in the box you reach for.

For us, it's "toddler proofing" as best as possible and teaching boundaries and repeating [insert random high number here] times a day. Lots of redirection. Lots of sensory play. Some play separate from the other sibling and some one on one time with a parent every day... and lots of talking/positive reinforcement.
I think the only job I talked this much on was when I worked a call center taking 50-150 calls a day.

 

[OnlyBelieve]

We keep all office supplies away from the little people. My kids would be like Harold and the Purple Crayon (remember that book?) and color all over everything. .. The only scissors DS#1 gets to use are at kindergarten under teacher supervision. I just can't turn my back on DS#2 to let DS#1 try. Since they can get into the silverware drawers, I think knives will quickly be making a move into a cup elsewhere above where they can reach. (and don't know where it is) They frequently push stools/chairs up to investigate now, so unless someone is here, I can't do more than go to the bathroom very quickly unless they are asleep.

We have a crisis or two, sometimes three a day. I understand high stress levels. Two boys that are high needs born 18 months apart - totally been there these last almost 4 years... If they're left alone for 3 minutes, something always happens. I live in such high stress, and I already am not healthy - this makes it harder to improve the situation.

There are many ways to set children up for success, and have more parenting tools in your toolbox so that yelling and frustration/overwhelm can be some of the last tools in the box you reach for.

For us, it's "toddler proofing" as best as possible and teaching boundaries and repeating [insert random high number here] times a day. Lots of redirection. Lots of sensory play. Some play separate from the other sibling and some one on one time with a parent every day... and lots of talking/positive reinforcement.
I think the only job I talked this much on was when I worked a call center taking 50-150 calls a day.

Wow, what an awesome job you are doing! Praying for continued strength for you and that the lord would give you good health

 

[OnlyBelieve]

sometimes i feel like its 6 aganist 1. (6 thats my 5 children and hubby).
i just needed to blow off stream because the same day my 5 year old decided to cut a chunck of her hair right before school, and my 13 year old didn't do his homework.
so yelling and being frustrated was all i can do.

You are doing an awesome job, we all have our days. Do you know that song. One day at a time...there are days when I just sing it all day...
Cristy Lane - One Day At A Time - YouTube

 

[mamawolf]

My mom told me one day if I didnt shower and wash with soap and brush my teeth that people were going to tease me at school and left it at that I too was 10 when she told me that and guess what being 10 and thinking I knew it all I didnt believe her well i didnt shower for 3 days or brush my teeth, guess what I got teased so bad she had to come get me from school and I cried the whole way home mom didnt say anything we walked in and she handed me a towel and I took a shower then when I got out she asked me if I knew why I got teased so bad. I knew and never did it again. Point is sometimes kids have to learn their lesson on their own. As for kids not doing homework take away all games toys and stuff they like to do and only give it back when they do their homework.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Sometimes, husbands can be very wise.

Perhaps you should consider what your husband said, reflect on your attitude and actions, and perhaps even make adjustments for the sake of family harmony.

 

[gracefulone1980]

10 is still very young to be able to follow so many instructions. I suggest reading the book, Hold onto your Kids by Dr.Gordon Neufeld.

 

[BlissMommy]

I have a similar problem with my 11 year old daughter. She is the messiest child I have and I also have 5 of them. I have found that by simply making her do it over and over again she gets the message. I yell at times too, but I am trying to be very different nowadays. It is hard! Sometimes I just remind myself of all her other positive qualities, it helps me to get over the fact that she isn't the neatest kid.