Varying levels of socializing abilities.

MoeSzyslak · Jun 7, 2014

I went to a ASAN meeting the other night. I was completely amazed at how well some ASD people socialized. I was impressed. I pretty much sat there, rocked in my seat and said nothing. It was pretty embarrassing. The leader of the group seemed like she was trying to draw me into the meeting more. I just couldn't figure it out. She did her best though. I probably won't be going back. It was pretty awkward.

Does anyone else ever feel socially incompetent even around or compared to other autistic people? It was a real eye opener for me.

Sabertooth · Jun 8, 2014

I feel most at ease with Aspies* or intellectuals* or Spirit-filled Christians. Everyone else is pretty much hit-or-miss.

Other Aspies can relate.
Intellectuals seem to be able to switch into "Aspie" mode, and
Spirit-filled Christians seem to discern my heart & spirit, without getting so distracted by my neuro-psychological presentation. (There is a great likelihood that what we call Aspergers may be a manifestation of a Prophetic personality type.)

Ron McKenzie in ''The Ministry of the Prophet'' said:
Every Church needs both prophets and pastor-teachers. The two ministries are complementary. Pastors tend to be warm loving people. This is a strength for their ministry, but it means that they can sometimes find it hard to confront evil. Because they long to see people grow, and to see the Church united, they can be tempted to compromise for the sake of peace and unity. A prophet would act as a balance to this tendency. Prophets tend to see things in black and white. They have a zeal for holiness and truth. Their main concern is to see the Church functioning according to the Word of God. But their zeal for purity and truth can make them appear to be hard and harsh.** The pastors will temper their strictness and zeal with love and grace. And whereas pastors tend to concentrate on the present, the prophets would give vision for the future.

*...if they aren't contentious.

**Sound familiar...?

FireDragon76 · Jun 10, 2014

No, but I know people that are exactly like you. I'm one of those "socially competent" aspies. I still find being around people draining and prefer to be alone a lot, though, and I'm not always the most talkative. After a night at a group meeting with some friends, or a day of medical appointments, bus rides and so on, I need a day just to rest and recouperate. You know the saying, "In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king"

MoeSzyslak · Jun 10, 2014

FireDragon76 said:
No, but I know people that are exactly like you. I'm one of those "socially competent" aspies. I still find being around people draining and prefer to be alone a lot, though, and I'm not always the most talkative. After a night at a group meeting with some friends, or a day of medical appointments, bus rides and so on, I need a day just to rest and recouperate. You know the saying, "In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king"

Decompression time is definitely necessary.

dayhiker · Jun 11, 2014

I think the embarrassment is something you put on yourself. I had a mix of shyness and AS when I was young that limited my social interaction. But I would go places and watch people. If I were you today, I'd go to each meeting just to watch the people and learn. If they asked me to participate I'd say I'd prefer to watch this week. Over time I think you might find that your feelings change, less embarrassment. Maybe you can start a short conversation with someone at the meeting. But since AS people are generally smart I think you will learn a lot from just watching for weeks. Even learn about yourself.
So I'd encourage you to keep going.

grandvizier1006 · Dec 8, 2014

Just knowing that sociability is POSSIBLE is a plus for me. I feel so proud of myself after just having a casual conversation with someone, thinking of all those times I remembered to look them in the eye, didn't interrupt, engaged, asked questions, and so forth. I had one of those experiences in church recently, and it felt so good after 1.5 years of isolation to be able to talk to a (friendly, non-hostile, trustworthy) stranger!

Just keep at it as much as you can, and don't give up! I know now that it's really not the most important thing in the world, but some degree of social skills are very helpful to have.

S.O.J.I.A. · Nov 11, 2016

some people have worked hard at it and have gotten better through formal social skills training, some may not suffer as severely from the symptom of social impairment, others may not have AS at all and may just be introverts who are actually just as socially functional as any extrovert but would need time away to recharge.

not all aspies are the same or are in the same place.

NIrelandGillian · Dec 27, 2016

I have three offspring in their 30s and on the autistic spectrum. The youngest is autistic, has learning difficulties, likes mixing with people and is very outgoing. The middle one has Asperger syndrome and is quite shy around people, but does go out with a social group for Aspies, where he enjoys being an observer of what goes on as well as what is said in the group, but doesn't contribute much to the conversation, apart from answering questions. The eldest of the three is also an Aspie, who I think prefers one to one conversations with people, but is able to speak to a roomful of people about autism. She finds the general hum of a noisy public place, eg. a restaurant stressful.

All of the above just goes to show that people with autism are all different, even within the same family. I also think that if a person doesn't feel like talking a lot in a group situation, they shouldn't be forced to do so.

Gillian

faroukfarouk · Jan 19, 2017

NIrelandGillian said:
I have three offspring in their 30s and on the autistic spectrum. The youngest is autistic, has learning difficulties, likes mixing with people and is very outgoing. The middle one has Asperger syndrome and is quite shy around people, but does go out with a social group for Aspies, where he enjoys being an observer of what goes on as well as what is said in the group, but doesn't contribute much to the conversation, apart from answering questions. The eldest of the three is also an Aspie, who I think prefers one to one conversations with people, but is able to speak to a roomful of people about autism. She finds the general hum of a noisy public place, eg. a restaurant stressful.

All of the above just goes to show that people with autism are all different, even within the same family. I also think that if a person doesn't feel like talking a lot in a group situation, they shouldn't be forced to do so.

Gillian

Hi; did any of them marry? sometimes marriage does wonders for a person's confidence and outlook.

Blessings for 2017.

NIrelandGillian · Mar 8, 2017

No, none of them are married.

Blessings to you too.

Gillian

Varying levels of socializing abilities.

MoeSzyslak

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