Value

I guess there is a few things I can say that has helped me a whole bunch.

But 1st I want to say, Blackribbon, you are a great woman with a beautiful heart.
I suspect that with all you have given to get your RN degree and now the hours you are working to get on your feet that people see a tired you. A GF of mind just took a 32 day vacation to Fl. She came back so rested and her face looked like a different woman almost. It was striking in my mind how changed the look on her face was. I know how hard life has been for you ... that isn't your fault. Its only partly the result of your husband's dying. Our society has us working long hours and telling us that we have to do all this stuff after work so that we sleep little and almost not time to relax, to be idle. How are we going to look even good for anyone when we are that tired? Many of the men are also tired of life so they have very little interest in the work relationships take because they are so tired themselves.

So I've taken the time to be rested. That's why I'm going on 3 years to remodel my bathroom. Now that I'm rested most of the time I decided that I wanted to be a friend to people. I wasn't setting out to solve their problems, just be a friend. Totally accept them for who they were, to listen and spend some time with them. I wasn't going to take on their problems if they had any, those are their problems. Yes, I have been able to help the people I have become friends with, but mostly I've just been a friend. I have spent most of my time outside the church. People know I'm a Christian as I talk about my relationship with Christ. yet I'm finding quite a few people who want to spend time with me. So many in fact that I know don't have time to get together with them as much as they and I want to. Its guys and gals. Its resulted in having 4 GFs and an exGF who I see regularly.
As for sex. Well, I find people desire intimacy in a big way. So many of us have no clue how to be intimate, how to just be close to some one and feel loved and cared for. For years there was a edge about me, but one I learned to look into peoples eyes and give a hug that was warmth and felt intimate(not sexual) it was amazing how things changed. Being around me because a place where we could slow down be together and talk about our life with no condemnation. People started telling me things that they had never told anyone else. We were able to put shame and guilt aside. A woman who me had always hide and didn't let anyone who they were seeing her, I took dancing, I took her to my church, I told people she was my GF. She was so used to being hid by guys she felt like she had no voice. But all that has been changing. Its not all me for sure, but people can change when they have friends.

blackribbon said:

The value of something is determined by the price that people are willing to pay for it. If I owned something precious to me but had little value to the world, it's "value" may be very low.

Now my real value was set by Christ. He died for me...exchanging his physical life so that I could have a place in eternity. He would have died even if he knew in advance that I would be the only one who ever loved him.

However, I do live in this world and was trying to figure out how "mature" men place value on a woman worth pursuing for a relationship.

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I think what the issue is, as I see it, is that there aren't that many mature men. There are many that are mature in years and mature in the ways of the world and how the world tells them to be, but sadly, in my experience there are few mature in Christ. So they value the ways of the world and bow to them. And the ways of the world tell them crazy thing like they are more valuable if they have a woman half their age on their arm. I'm not saying all men are this way, but sadly the majority probably are.

I asked an acquaintance recently how much the issue of age meant to him, a Christian man. His rules seemed to be about the same as the world's. Even if a woman looks younger than he, if she is more than 5 years older, he will quell his attraction. It's a wierd little set of rules but in their minds it seems to wield a great deal of power. I'm not saying it's impossible to find one who doesn't go by these rules, but I'm not holding my breath. I've decided to be happy and move forward in God, whether a man comes along or not. As I said before, it's very freeing to leave it to God, accept the degradation of mankind such as it is, and enjoy life anyway.

someone who loves me more than herself

blackribbon said:

The value of something is determined by the price that people are willing to pay for it. If I owned something precious to me but had little value to the world, it's "value" may be very low.

Now my real value was set by Christ. He died for me...exchanging his physical life so that I could have a place in eternity. He would have died even if he knew in advance that I would be the only one who ever loved him.

However, I do live in this world and was trying to figure out how "mature" men place value on a woman worth pursuing for a relationship.

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Well,I am a mature man,who only seeks mature women. I do value women my age.I do not chase after young super models.While treated mature women with respect,I am told that I am too nice. So what the heck I am I supposed to to do in order to be successful here in California?

I do agree with Dayhiker,Black ribbon. Maybe you are tired,and just need a,good,long,rest. Even GOD rested after he created the earth and everything on earth.

Kind of like in real estate, my family is trying to divide up some property and sell it and now everyone is speculating on what its worth. One person outside of the family is trying to get them to buy them out based on comps and all sorts of other things.

I simply said the property is worth what someone is willing to pay. That is what it boils down to, you are right.

Maybe try finding some really awesome hobbies and other people that are dedicated to the hobby at more than a passing interest. I fly aerobatics and others that fly aerobatics its a life style not just something they go do once a month. If your not working at your day job your working on your plane, working on a cert or out practicing.

blackribbon said:

The value of something is determined by the price that people are willing to pay for it. If I owned something precious to me but had little value to the world, it's "value" may be very low.

Now my real value was set by Christ. He died for me...exchanging his physical life so that I could have a place in eternity. He would have died even if he knew in advance that I would be the only one who ever loved him.

However, I do live in this world and was trying to figure out how "mature" men place value on a woman worth pursuing for a relationship.

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Hmm, last time I read the bible all the patriarchs of the bible had young women other than Abraham. It was considered a blessing to have a young good looking wife. Even though King David commited adultery with bathseba and killed Uriha he was allowed to take comfort in her and create another child. Typically men who are less/not blessed in this life don't get those sorts of women.

God chooses who he blesses but Jesus saves all who believe in him. Just like Jesus chose who he healed.

miss-a said:

I think what the issue is, as I see it, is that there aren't that many mature men. There are many that are mature in years and mature in the ways of the world and how the world tells them to be, but sadly, in my experience there are few mature in Christ. So they value the ways of the world and bow to them. And the ways of the world tell them crazy thing like they are more valuable if they have a woman half their age on their arm. I'm not saying all men are this way, but sadly the majority probably are.

I asked an acquaintance recently how much the issue of age meant to him, a Christian man. His rules seemed to be about the same as the world's. Even if a woman looks younger than he, if she is more than 5 years older, he will quell his attraction. It's a wierd little set of rules but in their minds it seems to wield a great deal of power. I'm not saying it's impossible to find one who doesn't go by these rules, but I'm not holding my breath. I've decided to be happy and move forward in God, whether a man comes along or not. As I said before, it's very freeing to leave it to God, accept the degradation of mankind such as it is, and enjoy life anyway.

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pittsflyer said:

Hmm, last time I read the bible all the patriarchs of the bible had young women other than Abraham. It was considered a blessing to have a young good looking wife. Even though King David commited adultery with bathseba and killed Uriha he was allowed to take comfort in her and create another child. Typically men who are less/not blessed in this life don't get those sorts of women.

God chooses who he blesses but Jesus saves all who believe in him. Just like Jesus chose who he healed.

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Yes,I agree that GOD chooses who he blesses. Since GOD did not bless me with the appearance of one of those "pretty boys",enabling me to have a very pretty wife to look at,I thank GOD that he blessed me with brains. I can get a good education,a good paying job,and be able to look at some beauty in my life by being able to afford to go to Hawaii,Tahiti,and Bora Bora. Here is a picture of Bora Bora. Isn't she such a beautiful island? No one should leave this earth BEFORE seeing Bora Bora!
In my younger days,when I was 37,I rode a bicycle around the whole island of Bora Bora,which was 20 miles.This is a great vacation spot.The hotel had no television,no telephone,no radio,and no newspaper.

What is "real value", I mean if a pretty woman is a complete failure as a human being and as a wife she will also have low value. I mean why does a ferrai cost more than a ford truck?

Women do the same thing to low value men so I don't really see the difference, in fact women are typically WAY more picky then men .... until they start getting old and thing [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] I don't have the upper hand anymore so they start the massive back peddling or the guilt tripping on how men are dogs and how other things should be important.

You don't hear them saying stuff like that when they are 20 year old little hotties with men eating out of their hands. If the women who played the field when they were younger just owned it when they were older then they would be a lot more credible. They want to start blaming men because they were not smart about how they set themselves up when they were younger.

Not saying this is you but I have read a lot of women behave this way.

blackribbon said:

too bad you think a pretty woman has more value ... I even pity the pretty woman who never gets to have her real value validated....

sooner or later, almost everyone gets old and loses their "beauty"...what I am learning about the human body as it ages is fascinating but not beautiful in the traditional definition of the word....

I had a patient this week who had a stroke about 10 year ago. She is paralyzed on half of her body and basically dependent on everyone else for her care. True love is the husband who is up at the hospital almost non-stop with her...doting on her. I walked in and he was trying to change her gown because it had 3 spots of dried blood on it... He asked that I help her find a particular show at a certain time because they always watched it together and talked about it. She was not a beauty...but when mentioned her husband, she glowed and became beautiful. I'd rather be her than any model in a magazine because her value is significant ... if even to just one man.

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The scene looks like everyone has a program they're running inside. The program is to get the best you can for yourself from a significant other. Wealth, looks, etc. That program keeps running in marriage to get the best for self.

So, if a woman is following the programming, I cannot think of anything I would really want that she offered. No matter what she offers, the bottom line is that she is just wanting for herself. Pride, love of self, "watching out for number 1" are STDs I don't wish to catch or give.

What do I want? I want someone who has a change of programming.

Then there would be no detailed Santa list to God for who is valuable or perfect for me. Real love is not about me. Love fills out the list after she is met.

Anyone can say, "I love you less than I love myself," but the amazement of love is when one can say and live, "I love you more."

.

pittsflyer said:

in fact women are typically WAY more picky then men.

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I know very picky men. It's a good thing, you should only take the one God has for you. I'm so picky, I pick noone. I found an absolutely fantastic man and told him: hey look, go look for a wife without kids and an ex. Told him how my last ex hated it and my ex still has a lot to say. Come on, a man should lead his family, not follow an ex. You really have to protect those guys and pray for them that they find the right one, lol. I told him I was just stupid and feeling lonely when I went to that datingsite.

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PrincePurpleRose said:

Looks are a part of it but being a parson with sound morals is the other half. If a person is ugly they can get by with finding a man if they are a truly good person to be around.

Being ugly and a loser is not a good combination.

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dating Jesus-style at it's best.

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Yep those were the people that were smart in their younger years, like you. When you are the odd man out in your younger years and then become really put together later on why should they not try to set themselves up with what they feel they deserve? I am in my mid 30's and most women would not give me the time of day when I was 20. Why should I give some woman the world after a year or 2 of being together. Just because we are older does not mean we have a 20 year loving history, it takes time to build that, ALOT of time.

You have these women that either have baby fever or have been rode hard and put away wet and are [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed that the untouchable guys back in the day who made something of themselves don't want them now and on and on. I want to have a nice 7-10 years before I get pressured into marriage just like these couples did that met at 16 or 18.

I do agree it sucks to have to think like that but being a chump is not attractive to women.

blackribbon said:

Many people are shallow...and the young are especially very immature about the importance of appearances and the appearances of wealth. However, I don't think that they change as they age. The person (male or female) who is seeking beauty as a standard for a mate probably always has no matter what their age. If they don't qualify on their own accord as beautiful, they try to change or get rich enough that people will overlook their shortcomings. And the people that see real beauty comes from the inside out (often making a person more beautiful) still do at older ages. However, many of these people are happily married an no longer available to date.

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I should qualify that statement, women are picky but actually get results, I also know men who are picky but still single. Also a picky woman can easily supplement her sex life while "waiting". Not so much for guys.

Messy said:

I know very picky men. It's a good thing, you should only take the one God has for you. I'm so picky, I pick noone. I found an absolutely fantastic man and told him: hey look, go look for a wife without kids and an ex. Told him how my last ex hated it and my ex still has a lot to say. Come on, a man should lead his family, not follow an ex. You really have to protect those guys and pray for them that they find the right one, lol. I told him I was just stupid and feeling lonely when I went to that datingsite.

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redblue22 said:

The scene looks like everyone has a program they're running inside. The program is to get the best you can for yourself from a significant other. Wealth, looks, etc. That program keeps running in marriage to get the best for self.

So, if a woman is following the programming, I cannot think of anything I would really want that she offered. No matter what she offers, the bottom line is that she is just wanting for herself. Pride, love of self, "watching out for number 1" are STDs I don't wish to catch or give.

What do I want? I want someone who has a change of programming.

Then there would be no detailed Santa list to God for who is valuable or perfect for me. Real love is not about me. Love fills out the list after she is met.

Anyone can say, "I love you less than I love myself," but the amazement of love is when one can say and live, "I love you more."

.

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I like what you're saying here. I actually do think A LOT of it is programming. Me an male friend were just talking over the weekend about the stuff/systems that some people create and then it crushes them. It was good for minute but they didn't see the end of it and the real mess they were making. Now for some it's almost too late...