Using an object to spank?

[Gennifer]

I have always subscribed to the theory that a neutral object should be used to spank, in that the child will fear the implement and not his/her parent's hand. I've used a little paint stick, but was called a "Monster" and several other judgemental labels by a lady in my small group discussion. Though, I felt a few others may have agreed with me nobody voiced a similar opinion.

I'm not an evil person, but both my husband and I believe in loving discipline and sometimes that includes spanking in rare circumstances. We just don't use hands though.

Do you all use somethig beside your hand to administer a swat? Am I alone on this one?

 

[Linnis]

I do not agree with the idea of hitting a child with an object. How can you see sure you arn't hitting too hard if you can't feel it? Also, objects are more likely to leave marks etc. I would never take a stick to my nephew just reminds me too much of people who believe in the whole belt theory.

If you hit too often or with a lot of force either way the punishment will no longer work and the child may resent you. I think the kid's just as likely to resent the stick as your hand, and will figure it out, it's you hitting not the stick or the hand. If you want to "swat" as a form of punishment, at least take responcibility for what your doing and why, not acting like the kids will think it's the stick.

If my nephew deserves a smack, like if he runs into the road or the like he'll get a smack and I'll tell him exactly why. He'll forget ruinnning into the street within 5 minutes but he'll remember I reacted enough to smack him for it.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

There are some moms here on this board who do use an object. I have a much different outlook.

I believe many people mistake the 'rod' of the Bible to be something you would use to hit. Not so, rods are used by shepherds to guide the sheep, not beat them.

I just strongly believe that Biblical discipline involves guidance not hitting. And, having disciplined this way for years (my son is seven), I believe this way of discipline requires more of a parent than the knee-jerk reactions of my parents who spanked often.

anyhow, if you're looking for kindred spirits, you'll find them here. I just wanted to share a different perspective.

God bless you.

 

[Leanna]

I just strongly believe that Biblical discipline involves guidance not hitting. And, having disciplined this way for years (my son is seven), I believe this way of discipline requires more of a parent than the knee-jerk reactions of my parents who spanked often.

I agree.... and if I were to spank I would never use an object. It would be too easy to accidently hurt the child and I always thought spanking was more about the embarrassment then about actually inflicting pain. The child can associate the hand with correction and love and deal with it, they're smart you know. My son can tell the difference between a timeout in his crib and naptime because of the way mommy deals with it (setting him down with a scowl and walking away versus love, hugs and goodnights)...

 

[Princessperky]

While I do feel that a swat can be used judiciously (mainly for outright defiance or safety issues IMO) I just use my hand, if it hurt me it was prolly too hard. With an instrument of any sort like a PP said marks are more likely (and longer lasting).

But I have heard the theory that then the object is feared not the parent, no need to have a kid flinching when you raise a hand. Since I have smacked both DS and DD, and niether flinches less I am saying "do I need to smack your bottom' I am not to terribly worried. BUT ... it is NOT the only source of discipline I use, it is the LAST source.

 

[lucypevensie]

Our kids are both pretty much past the spanking ages, but when they were smaller we did spank and we did use both hands and object. It seems to make more sense to me to use a rod, since that is what Proverbs calls it. There are times when a quick hand swat is OK though (IMO). When your kid's about to run into the street you don't exactly have time to go fetch the wooden spoon.

Anyway, about the disparaging comments from others: You can always listen to people's advice, consider it, thank them for their thoughts. But it is YOU who will be training up your children. Make sure you know why you discipline the way you discipline. This issue is one that most people will have to agree to disagree with each other. Be confident in your beliefs enough to be able to smile and say "thank you for your opinion", without being bothered or offended.

 

[shainamsu]

i used to believe in spanking and even using random objects to do so. when i was in college, however, i worked for a daycare fully equipped with cameras that were broadcast online so the parents could log in from work and see their child. needless to say, there was absolutely no spanking or any form of physical punishment going on (aside from the state requirements that prohibit physical punishment in a daycare). therefore, i was forced to be creative and come up with LOTS of different ways to get through to LOTS of different types of children and make them mind the rules without ever resorting to spanking.

it helped me immensely, improved my patience incredibly and now i know that i will probably never use spanking or any type of physical punishment with my own child, b/c i've seen and used other ways of correcting children that have proven to be more successful.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

While I do feel that a swat can be used judiciously (mainly for outright defiance or safety issues IMO) I just use my hand, if it hurt me it was prolly too hard. With an instrument of any sort like a PP said marks are more likely (and longer lasting).

But I have heard the theory that then the object is feared not the parent, no need to have a kid flinching when you raise a hand. Since I have smacked both DS and DD, and niether flinches less I am saying "do I need to smack your bottom' I am not to terribly worried. BUT ... it is NOT the only source of discipline I use, it is the LAST source.

And, this to me, sounds like responsible parenting. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with kids getting a swat on the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] by their parent's hand. I just agree that this should be a last resort.

My son is seven and has only gotten one spanking. He was three and I was changing his diaper. For some unknown reason, he bit me on the arm. Well, I had this naked tush right in front of me so I just decided to spank him. He was certainly stunned. I didn't do it out of anger or frustration and I never had to spank him again because time outs have always worked so effectively for him.

Every child is different. I can tell you the one book that really helped me...'The Five Love Languages for Children'. I found that by using the techniques in this book, I rarely needed to discipline at all. But if you're ever looking for a good book on children and discipline, I believe it is called 'Making Children Mind without Losing Yours' by Kevin Leman. He also believes spanking is a last resort and doesn't really teach the lesson your children need to learn.

 

[Andry]

This is going to digress into a spanking thread......

Back to the OP, I don't know what a 'neutral' object is.

 

[Linnis]

I've noticed while with my nephew he's not afraid of the cars in the road running him over, he's afraid of being smacked again in front of his friends and his friends laughing at him--either way he hasn't run in the road and does the look both ways thing everytime.

Edit: When I say smacked I mean my open had on his butt which is protected by cloths and such. I should have cleared that up earlier.

 

[sara elizabeth]

I spank with a wooden spoon. To me, this makes a safegaurd against spanking in anger. We keep the spoon in a designated spot and take the child to the other room before spanking. This way, there is lots of forethought before any child is spanked. This may be just me, but it seems like it gets too easy for a parent to reach out and swat a child as a reaction when using just a hand.

As far as the pain factor, I think that every parent should occasionally try a swat on her own bare leg to judge how much it hurts.

 

[pmcleanj]

Just in my own opinion, and I'm NOT judging you, I believe using an object to spank is equivalent to using a weapon on your child. I'm not saying anything about your situation, thats just how I feel overall. Don't take it personally, its not meant to be.

~ ~

Since that was also the finding of our Supreme Court, it's wise of you to stick to that opinion. Otherwise it can legally constitute criminal assault.

Those who live in other jurisdictions don't have that constraint, of course.

 

[bliz]

Any bright child will figure out very quickly that the impliment is in the hand of the parent and that it is the parent that is inflicting the pain. If you seek to avoid your child being fearful of you because you spank, don't spank.

 

[andiesmama]

We do use spanking as a type of punishment with Andie, and use our hand not an instrument. Probably because my parents never used anything but their hands, and with my DH, his dad always used a switch and my DH doesn't want to do that with our daughter.

Edit to add: she doesn't flinch or anything around us, when we spank she is always warned that it's coming, we never lash out & spank just "out of the blue" if you know what I mean...

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

Geezzz, I read some of these threads an jes think oh "puh-lease"

We use a wooden spoon an sometimes a hand if the spoon isn't readily available, if'n we're out er the like. Your not alone, I disagree that it's hardly a "weapon" an if it's good enough for God to use, then by golley it's good enough for us as parents to use.

I really worry to many folks in this day an age worry bout alot of silly non-sense, by this meanin... if you listen to a doc, any doc, long enough you'll end up with sumthin, I mean some sort of disorder er disease bla bla bla, I was spanked as a child I turned out perfectly fine, all of my brothers were spanked aside from the youngest and surprise! He's thus far the only real booger head at his age.... the res of us weren't like that. I think folks are so worried bout what "others" think these days er tryin to follow the crowd that they fail to act as parents, as leaders, as guides to their children.

If you don't spank no biggy to me, but please don't feel like a monster er any other hurtful, belittlin words this person has to come up wit. Nice though that this gal is really tryin to build you up in the Lord as well.

I've said it many times on this board, there is a huge difference between spankin a child an beatin a child. A spanked child is a corrected child, a beaten child is an abused child..... to often that line gits blurred an folks that don't spank merely view those that do as abusers. I disagree wit the whole child feelin like my maw er pa beat me non-sense when it comes down to an object er hand, because it boils down to how the child was spanked, if they were spanked in anger then I'd expect a child to feel as though their parent beat em, if their spanked in love wit a 'this is why you've been spanked etc' then they know it wasn't because their parent is mad at em er doesn't love etc.

As a feller who works wit tools continuously, I felt an object was better two fold, one it's used as a warnin an I also know when I use the spoon how hard an what area's it's strikin. I havta disagree wit the whole objects leave marks, anythin can leave marks an personnaly I've found my hands leave marks yet my wifes don't seem to, unfortuneately I feel I spank to hard if I use a hand so I use the spoon.

 

[Chajara]

I won't use a tool on my kids, simply because they won't be getting spanked too often anyway. Spanking is going to be the ultimate weapon of last resort. I want my kids to know that when they do something stupid enough for me to warn of a spanking, they should stop, lest I descent upon them and pull out the big guns so to speak.

I think it loses its effectiveness if it's used too much. I'd prefer to keep it as something that when used makes them sit down and say "Man, did Mom just SPANK me? Sheesh, she must mean business if she's going to that extreme."

Of course, when I have kids they'll probably throw me curveballs and either not care about getting spanked or never ever have to be spanked once

 

[McDLT]

I have always subscribed to the theory that a neutral object should be used to spank, in that the child will fear the implement and not his/her parent's hand. I've used a little paint stick, but was called a "Monster" and several other judgemental labels by a lady in my small group discussion. Though, I felt a few others may have agreed with me nobody voiced a similar opinion.

I'm not an evil person, but both my husband and I believe in loving discipline and sometimes that includes spanking in rare circumstances. We just don't use hands though.

Do you all use somethig beside your hand to administer a swat? Am I alone on this one?

I don't use anything but my hand when I spank (quick open-handed hard tap), usually applied to bum or back of hand. I've rarely had to resort to spanking; I try very hard to find other ways. I very much want to find peaceful ways in which to solve issues.

My mom used to use "the belt" and it really became a game to us. She would chase us around and most times we never remembered what we did to get the spanking.

I honestly thinks it comes down to how you deal with spanking and discipline and explain it to your children.

Just some of my thoughts.