Urgent! Please someone! talk to me! i need help

[Kostilaks]

I have ocd. I have intrusive thoughts about punishments and deals with Gods. I end up having compulsion because I fear I may have made a deal with Gods and i am scared of a punishment in case I fail.

My subconscious is full of these thoughts. i end up worrying if they are mine or not.

I have asked from Gods a protection. that no matter what I say or think or pray, even if i mean it, never accept punishments or promises. I do not want them. and i pray about that everyday, almost every 5 minutes, for more than a year.

I have suffered a lot of these intrusive thoughts. I always fear about making a bad deal with Gods or making an accidental prayer.

Today, I wanted to say to Gods that no matter what I think/say/pray, even if I mean it or it is an accident, never punish me. so, i can be calm and stop praying every 2 minutes for my intrusive thoughts. so, i can be free to ignore my thoughts.

I was anxious when I started my prayer because I feared I may make a mistake on my prayer that would ruin everything. so, i was in a rush to say/think my prayer in order not to give time for my intrusive thoughts to interfere and ruin everything.

And that, made me actually, make a mistake in my prayer. Instead of saying

"No matter what I pray -accidentally or not- do not punish me"

I said the exact opposite! I confused my tongue/thoughts and did not say the words "do not" so it looked as if I was asking for a punishment.

I freaked and said to Gods that it was an accident and that I did not want to say that.

I worry now, because what my thought/tongue said was

accidental prayer: accident or not, punish me (instead of "do not punish me")

I worry because I said to Gods that it was an accident but I feel like I am trapped because the accidental prayer was "accident or not" so, no matter how much I pray that it was an accident, perhaps, I wont calm down because my accidental prayer, say that accidental prayers count. if the accidental prayer was about a punishment, then, the accidental prayer counts just because I said "accidentally or not"

I worry if Gods do not care about my ocd and accepted my prayer. Gods are different than Jesus because I cant confirm if Jesus is real or not.

 

[ananda]

It is good that you recognize that those thoughts are errant. In Buddhist psychology, what's happening is this: the higher consciousness observes the lower mind and recognizes that the lower mind is producing unskillful thoughts. Understanding this dynamic is part of the solution, along with retraining the lower mind through the efforts of the higher consciousness to produce more skillful thoughts.

 

[Tone]

May Abba Yah Breathe deeply into your heart, soul, will, emotions, thoughts, imaginations, and any other aspect of your being and Comfort you in Yahshua ha Mashiach. Amen.

2 Timothy 1
"7For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control."

Galatians 5
"16So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are opposed to one another, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law."

The flesh is the noise of condemnation you are hearing. Listen for the Sound of His Voice and walk in the Spirit.

Shalom.

 

[NerdGirl]

I have ocd. I have intrusive thoughts about punishments and deals with Gods. I end up having compulsion because I fear I may have made a deal with Gods and i am scared of a punishment in case I fail.

My subconscious is full of these thoughts. i end up worrying if they are mine or not.

I have asked from Gods a protection. that no matter what I say or think or pray, even if i mean it, never accept punishments or promises. I do not want them. and i pray about that everyday, almost every 5 minutes, for more than a year.

I have suffered a lot of these intrusive thoughts. I always fear about making a bad deal with Gods or making an accidental prayer.

Today, I wanted to say to Gods that no matter what I think/say/pray, even if I mean it or it is an accident, never punish me. so, i can be calm and stop praying every 2 minutes for my intrusive thoughts. so, i can be free to ignore my thoughts.

I was anxious when I started my prayer because I feared I may make a mistake on my prayer that would ruin everything. so, i was in a rush to say/think my prayer in order not to give time for my intrusive thoughts to interfere and ruin everything.

And that, made me actually, make a mistake in my prayer. Instead of saying

"No matter what I pray -accidentally or not- do not punish me"

I said the exact opposite! I confused my tongue/thoughts and did not say the words "do not" so it looked as if I was asking for a punishment.

I freaked and said to Gods that it was an accident and that I did not want to say that.

I worry now, because what my thought/tongue said was

accidental prayer: accident or not, punish me (instead of "do not punish me")

I worry because I said to Gods that it was an accident but I feel like I am trapped because the accidental prayer was "accident or not" so, no matter how much I pray that it was an accident, perhaps, I wont calm down because my accidental prayer, say that accidental prayers count. if the accidental prayer was about a punishment, then, the accidental prayer counts just because I said "accidentally or not"

I worry if Gods do not care about my ocd and accepted my prayer. Gods are different than Jesus because I cant confirm if Jesus is real or not.

Are you in counseling for your OCD? I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this.
If it's any help, remind yourself that God looks at your heart and soul. He knows what you're feeling and what you mean, no matter what 'mistakes' your tongue might make. Don't worry about praying the wrong words, okay?