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angelkiss

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I lost my last update, so I figured I'd just write a new one. Just wanted to let y'all know what's been goin on.

I still haven't found a therapist and the meds are completely out of my system now and it shows for sure. I've been rapid cycling so fast lately I can't keep up with myself. I've been close to causing a scene at work in the last couple weeks and I decided it was best to give my two week notice this past Monday, so next week will be my last week of working. I was hoping that working would get my mind occupied enough to keep me at least half-way sane with no meds, but that's so not happening. The least thing sets me off and I almost through the stapler across the room yesterday. Only a couple people know I'm bipolar at work. Well, 3 exactly. Two are understanding, one hasn't talked to me since she found out. I don't know which end is up right now and I'm hanging on by a wing and a prayer.
I've really missed y'all so much and I'm sorry I've not been here as much. Hope to be round more often.
s and es!!
 
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DoubtingThomas29

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Hang in there Angel Kiss, I pay four dollars a month for my lithuim, why the hell can't you do that?

You probably need disability, if you are not working you're not going to have money, be careful you pobably should be staying with some family, to help with rent.

I am poor I make seven hundred ten dollars a month, from teaching two classes, and I finally can live within my means, by getting rid of my health insurance, staying with family, and using the older psychiatric drugs, which have no side effects that I can tell for right now.

If I were a praying man I would pray for you, good luck and may the God of your choice bring you relief, sooner rather than later. If it gets real bad, you'll have to go to a hospital, and a two week stay at seven hundred a day, is ten thousand dollars, but they could fix you up on the generic drugs, and perhaps help you get disabilit, which is not easy to get. Hang in there, survive you can survive! Remembe life is worth living, no matter what happens, life will always be worth living, even if your living under a bridge.

All the best,

Thomas
 
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Alaskamomma

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Hey Angel,

I am sorry to hear things aren't going so well. Stay strong, sister. Remember to do some self-care now and then. Journal, I think you said once that you like to do that. Surround yourself with positive people and situations. Remind yourself you are strong and you will get through. Know that, we here, are praying for you and sending you are good thoughts. Please stay in touch with us. You can do anything... do the good and right thing. (((angelkiss)))
 
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angelkiss

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Thomas, Alaskamomma, thanks so much for the encouragement.
I took today off for I woke up with a headache and felt sick, so I called in. This is my last week of work and I am actually relieved to be getting back on meds.
My PTSD is interfering with the bipolar as usual. When my mind races, I think so much that I end up thinking things I've buried for years. They just hit when least expected and that don't help with the mood-swings at all.
Regardless, it won't keep down, for I'm too stubborn for that. I will keep my head above water as usual and fight it as hard as I can. Not the first storm this vessel has sailed through, won't be my last. I'll just take one day at a time, walk in baby steps and do what I can when I can. After it's all over, I'll rest upon the shore and mend the broken sails once again.
Hope all is well. Thanks for listening.
s and es!!
 
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angelkiss

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Thank you, Thomas.
As of last Friday, I am officially not working anymore. My last day, I folded my notebook and as the reality slapped me in the face, I cried. I realized at that moment that no matter how hard I try, I can't do without the meds and I can't get around the fact that I "can't" work. Some of the girls were understanding, and even those who wasn't were supportive and hated to see me go as much as I hated to go.
Well, I gave my 100% and that's all I can do. As I continue in my baby steps, I keep in mind that I will keep working toward my goals in life just as I had afore. I just have to get around those obstacles that get in the way from time to time.
First, I intend on finding that therapist, then get back on the "right" meds, and hopefully I can eventually get that book published that I've been putting off for too long.
Til all that is in order, I do smile at the fact that my pets are much happier now that I don't have to leave them all day and I can be online more. Even though I may not be able to be in the public much anymore, I can at least socialize with the friends that I have here.
s and es!!
 
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DoubtingThomas29

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It sounds like you are taking the right steps. I remember when I ws twenty two and twenty three, I couldn't enjoy life because my mental illness was making it so hard to think. My psychiatrist told me, if I were to try to get off meds slowly that might work, but I think I am not going to try to get off of meds until I am done working and retired, I might have to retire early though so we will see. If I just stay out of debt I think I can do it.

You probably need disability, that would be a good way to pay your bills. Hang in there, you can recover.
 
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