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UPDATE....on needeing advise
- Thread starter mixiejoeusa
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Yitzchak
יצחק
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My advice is as difficult as it is for her in a time like this , the first thing she needs to decide is whether or not she is staying married or not. Because getting divorced and staying married are two completely different paths. The worst possible choice people make in this situation is to stay married but to be double minded in the sense that they do not fully commit themselves to building the relationship. Then instead of staying together they end up divorced several years later after a whole bunch more hurt.
So bottomline, as hard as it is. The first choice she needs to make is to either be fully invested in the marriage or to get out. Because there is a path to rebuilding, there is another path called divorce. But there is a third path which many choose in these situations which is a slow death to the marriage because it is the undecided path. The process of rebuilding is so difficult that unless fully committed it won't work.
Anyway, just my opinion. I was cheated on in my first marriage and so I have been there.
So bottomline, as hard as it is. The first choice she needs to make is to either be fully invested in the marriage or to get out. Because there is a path to rebuilding, there is another path called divorce. But there is a third path which many choose in these situations which is a slow death to the marriage because it is the undecided path. The process of rebuilding is so difficult that unless fully committed it won't work.
Anyway, just my opinion. I was cheated on in my first marriage and so I have been there.
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Jessica, God Bless you for being such a caring friend and for doing the right thing by telling!!!
Your friend's marriage CAN survive this, but there are several things that have to happen first.
1) There must be absolutely NO CONTACT between the husband and this other girl.....EVER again.
2) The husband must become an open book in his life.....complete honesty in everything surrounding the affair as well as being completely open with his life....he has lost any rights to privacy at this point.
3) They really do need to go see a marriage counselor. Infidelity is one of the most severe and damaging blows a marriage can face, and it will take a lot of time and work to try to heal from this. They will also need to explore the reasons he allowed this to happen in the first place, as well as what he will now do to make sure it will never happen again.
Your friend might also benefit from visiting the Marriage Builder's website, as well as reading Willard Harley's book, "Surviving an Affair".
Your friend's marriage CAN survive this, but there are several things that have to happen first.
1) There must be absolutely NO CONTACT between the husband and this other girl.....EVER again.
2) The husband must become an open book in his life.....complete honesty in everything surrounding the affair as well as being completely open with his life....he has lost any rights to privacy at this point.
3) They really do need to go see a marriage counselor. Infidelity is one of the most severe and damaging blows a marriage can face, and it will take a lot of time and work to try to heal from this. They will also need to explore the reasons he allowed this to happen in the first place, as well as what he will now do to make sure it will never happen again.
Your friend might also benefit from visiting the Marriage Builder's website, as well as reading Willard Harley's book, "Surviving an Affair".
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
I agree with the advice given already. Definitely recommend that they go to marital counseling (if she wants to rebuild the marriage). Recognize, your friend will also need to heal from emotional damage (low self esteem and trust issues) that resulted from her husband cheating and lying. It will be a long road to rebuild that trust. Trust is the foundation to any relationship so it's not easy to rebuild once violated.
Also, her husband will need to humble himself and TRULY REPENT in order for his apology to have any credibility. Just saying "I'm sorry" is not going to cut it. True repentance and a display of actions to prove to her that he has truly changed will determine if he really has changed his ways. After all, actions do speak louder than words. All this will take patience and time. The "test of time" will tell if change is permanent or not.
The most powerful thing you can do for your friend is PRAY. Pray that God intervenes in their lives, brings conviction to her husband and healing to their marriage. Leave it in God's hands. May God also bless you for being a wonderful and supportive friend to both of them.
Also, her husband will need to humble himself and TRULY REPENT in order for his apology to have any credibility. Just saying "I'm sorry" is not going to cut it. True repentance and a display of actions to prove to her that he has truly changed will determine if he really has changed his ways. After all, actions do speak louder than words. All this will take patience and time. The "test of time" will tell if change is permanent or not.
The most powerful thing you can do for your friend is PRAY. Pray that God intervenes in their lives, brings conviction to her husband and healing to their marriage. Leave it in God's hands. May God also bless you for being a wonderful and supportive friend to both of them.
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