My wife still comes in to pick up the kids for school and drop them off after they get out. She still sticks around to help our youngest with homework, cooks and washes clothes from time to time. We laugh and talk. She's still adamant about divorce. I discovered that the lady that she's staying with is a lesbian and I don't know the nature of their relationship. She's very secretive in that regard and is very easily offended when she suspects that I'm prying as to her activity with this person, or her goings and comings over all. She will under no circumstances stay overnight in our home...she has even insisted that she won't on Christmas Eve (even though I told her I would leave the home if she desired, or sleep in the garage). I learned that she feels that this person is the only person to really understand her. She doesn't wear our wedding band anymore, and when questioned about it, she lies. She refuses to talk about us, and won't respond to texts or emails if they are about us and/or our situation. Counseling is out of the question an she won't engage with me on any intimate level. She will hug and kiss me on the cheek when I'm departing for work, but when she's departing she does all she can to avoid contact with me at all.
This situation has taken me through several of the stages of grief, and I keep coming back to anger. I'm trying to get past this anger. I'm trying not to expect anything from her; trying not to hold on; trying not to hover or appear to hover when she leaves. I'm doing better, but it's still difficult to just allow the distance to grow.
I've begun counseling for myself. I have initiated a prayer war, which began 2 weeks ago and is comprised of 3 squads of 7 people praying for 7 days, 7x per/day, for 7 minutes each time. The first day is initiated at 7am and requires a Daniel fast. Each squad has a Prayer Captain that has the sole responsibility of praying for the squad to ward off satanic or demonic attacks on them while they pray. I pray for the Captains and there are others who pray for me. I have seen several strongholds taken down since this began. We are no longer living in anger with each other. We have not argued since this began (save once, and it was a vehement spiritual attack, but it had no lasting emotional impacts). We declare our love for each other and as I mentioned, hugging and kissing on the cheek as we greet and/or depart each other is not uncommon. We can talk about sensitive things that involve the kids. There is still a great gulf between us and she's trying to ignore the love that we share and is in denial about her reasons for leaving me.
I am very suspicious about the intentions of the lady that she's staying with. She blocked me on FB, having never met me, based on something that my wife told her. This hurt because I feel that I've been slandered by someone who I've given my life for and have only loved. Of course I'm not perfect, far from it, but I've been a loving and caring husband. My wife won't let me in, says she doesn't trust me with her intimate feelings and won't tell me why. She's always given more of herself to others than she has me, and won't give our marriage a chance by sharing her inner-self or telling me what's hurting. Pray for her healing, and for my recovery. I am completely broken and am asking that God destroys the man that I am while I'm already in shambles and makes me the man He wants me to be; that He called and created me to be. Pray for me.
This situation has taken me through several of the stages of grief, and I keep coming back to anger. I'm trying to get past this anger. I'm trying not to expect anything from her; trying not to hold on; trying not to hover or appear to hover when she leaves. I'm doing better, but it's still difficult to just allow the distance to grow.
I've begun counseling for myself. I have initiated a prayer war, which began 2 weeks ago and is comprised of 3 squads of 7 people praying for 7 days, 7x per/day, for 7 minutes each time. The first day is initiated at 7am and requires a Daniel fast. Each squad has a Prayer Captain that has the sole responsibility of praying for the squad to ward off satanic or demonic attacks on them while they pray. I pray for the Captains and there are others who pray for me. I have seen several strongholds taken down since this began. We are no longer living in anger with each other. We have not argued since this began (save once, and it was a vehement spiritual attack, but it had no lasting emotional impacts). We declare our love for each other and as I mentioned, hugging and kissing on the cheek as we greet and/or depart each other is not uncommon. We can talk about sensitive things that involve the kids. There is still a great gulf between us and she's trying to ignore the love that we share and is in denial about her reasons for leaving me.
I am very suspicious about the intentions of the lady that she's staying with. She blocked me on FB, having never met me, based on something that my wife told her. This hurt because I feel that I've been slandered by someone who I've given my life for and have only loved. Of course I'm not perfect, far from it, but I've been a loving and caring husband. My wife won't let me in, says she doesn't trust me with her intimate feelings and won't tell me why. She's always given more of herself to others than she has me, and won't give our marriage a chance by sharing her inner-self or telling me what's hurting. Pray for her healing, and for my recovery. I am completely broken and am asking that God destroys the man that I am while I'm already in shambles and makes me the man He wants me to be; that He called and created me to be. Pray for me.
