unsure

[iamnobody]

Hi all
Im not really sure where to start with this. Ive been SI on and off for a few years now. I became a christian about 5 years ago and i was able to reduce the amount that i was SI to the point where id nearly stopped. I never really talked about it with anyone and ive never been able to talk about why ive done it.
Gradually over the last year i've been going through a very difficult time again. I've pretty much left the church where i was going and not found anywhere else near me where i feel happy going. Im not really sure if i believe in God anymore and i dont think hed want me to come back to him after what i've done.
In the last few months though i have started SI again and it seems to be worse then ever. I dont have anyone to talk to and i just dont really know what to do right now. I cant carry on like i am and i dont want to. I know that if God is real then i shouldnt be doing this and part of me still wants to belive in him and believe that he still cares about me.
I suppose i dont really know what to do at the moment, i cant talk to anyone and i dont feel able to talk to God. I feel bad for feeling like this but its my only way of coping with my feelings and if i knew what it was that helped me before then i would do that but im not even sure i can remember what helped before.
I guess im hoping that someone here will be able to advice me or help me or something. Just knowing that someone understands what im feeling though will make some difference.

 

[Everlasting33]

I see that you are online, so I will be sending you an email shortly!!

I hope you soon feel better.

 

[ChristInAction]

Hey sweetie.

My heart goes out to you so much because I know exsactly where your coming from, I have so many doubts in my faith like yours too & I went threw a patch where I all but stoped & then it came back so much worse.

Reaching out like this to us, is a step in the right derection, we will always be here for you hunny. We all understand how hard it is to be in this & how hard it is to keep going in faith at times.
Coming here & saying those things, mean you do have faith. You might not think you do, because the devil is trying to bring you down & puts so many lies in your head. but just reaching out & saying that means that you still have the longing to know Him & do you what? God has the same longing to know you.
He loves you so so so much.
This song has really helped me in times where I've felt how you are now.
'So you would come' by hillsong.
It says, "Before the world began, You we're on his mind & every tear you cry, Is pressiose in His eyes because his love He gave his only Son. Everything was done, So you would come.
Nothing that you do. Could make Him love you more & Nothing that you've done. Could make him close the door."
Its just a beautiful song & all of it is so true.

If your not able to talk to anyone near you. Talk to God. He does forgive you. He doesnt hate you but loves you more then ever.

Try going back to church, if you stick around for a while, you'll have a better chance of getting to know people. Finding someone you click with & are able to talk to.

In the mean time. Again, Please. When you feel like cutting. Dont, come on here. Talk to us. Someone will reply. We all really care.

I'll be praying for you.
Ally (CIA) xox

 

[mariachigirl]

Happy B-day CIA. What song were you thinking about here. I can think of a couple songs that allude to God "holding our tears."

mariachigirl

 

[ChristInAction]

nah, I said in my post.
The songs:
'So you would come' by hillsong

 

[mariachigirl]

There's also Third Day's "I Will Praise you in This Storm" or something like that. "....and evey tear I've cried, you hold in your hands...." The song is inspiring because it encourages us to praise God even in our dark moments.

 

[emilythestrange]

I think the "I will praise you in the storm" sonrg is from Casting Crowns

 

[HolyOne87]

No matter how bad it is, God is always going to welcome you and love you unconditionally. He loves us for both our strengths and weaknesses. God is ALWAYS there, no matter what.
I will be praying for you!
*hugs*

+K+

 

[iamnobody]

Thank you for your replys and prayers. It means a lot to me that I'm not alone and there are people who can understand how i feel. Im glad i found this place.

 

[mariachigirl]

All I can say is you're welcome! No, you're not alone.
Stay safe,

 

[Jayangel81]

I will say some prayers for you, SI is very difficult,

I too was stuck in it for some time. I had to stop because i couldnt bear to hurt God and the rest of my family.

I thank God for the strength he has given me. He loves you very much, more than you could ever imagine.

Much love to you sister.

in Christ,
James