Unsure about What to Do

[Cyprezz]

Hello everyone!

This is my first time posting, but I have been reading these forums for a while now. I've never had the courage to make a post, since I've never been sure about what I believe. I hope this is the right subsection; I'm just reaching out to a community that I feel could perhaps help me out a bit.

A little about me: I've grown up in an entirely non-religious family. I've never attended church (except for the church camp when I was about 7) and I don't have the ability to yet; my driving skills are pretty bad right now For no reason recently I've started to think about religion, specifically thinking about God and Jesus and everthing like that (hence the reading of practically every thread on these forums ), and for one reason or another it's just "appealing" to me. Something seems right about it. I guess that's not the best way to put it, but it's something like that. It has an attraction that I just can't shake no matter how hard I try. Another weird fact is that I've never prayed in a "conventional" sense. Recently I've just started talking out loud to God, usually just before bed, as if I were talking to a best friend. It just works for me, and I don't feel as insecure as I would conventionally praying. But I'm new and I really don't know how to do things.

Here's my issue: I THINK I believe in God and that Jesus is our saviour, and I WANT to believe. I really do want to. But looking on from another thread, I've seen that most of you think that "Trying" to have faith isn't the right way to go about doing it. I've tried. I have. But my capacity to try really isn't anything to be proud of. So what I've seen is that you think people like me should just have pure and plain "Faith". I mean, I have faith in God and Jesus. Well, that's the other big thing. I only THINK I have faith. I don't know if I do. I've always second-guessed myself about everythng, and apparently right now, this is no different. It's unsettling for me; I really do want to have undying faith in God, it's just hard when you don't know how.

But then I doubt myself even further. Why would I be important to anyone? I probably cause more trouble than most people you know, and having the honor of having faith in God is just... too "amazing", for someone like me. It's sort of like the bad kid in school who gets the "best student of the month award", and knows that they shouldn't get it based on who've they've been.

I guess my question to anyone who feels like answering is:

"What do you think I should do? Should I keep trying and wanting it, or stop trying to make myself believe?"

I know I haven't explained it well, but currently I have 1001 thoughts just flying through my mind with no hint of slowing down.

Kindest regards,

Cyp

 

[Scott1979]

Unfortunately your not going to find any hard core evidence that's going to slap you in the face and make you realize God exists and that's the end of it. What your going to have to do is approach your learning with an open heart and mind and then make your own decision. Nobody can really tell you if you should keep searching or not because what it is going to boil down to is taking a leap of faith that God does exist. Make your own decision because in this part of the forum your likely to get advice anywhere from atheists saying don't waste your time to believers wondering why you would even be doubting. What you have to remeber is that any advice you receive is the beliefs of others, not evidence. Some will disagree with what I have said but it is still how I feel. I wish you the best and please post an update on your search.

 

[bling]

Why don’t you just get a Bible out and read one of the gospels (one of the first 4 books in the New Testament). It would be great if you could get around some true Christians, but they may not be easy to find, especially around big money churches.

I have been a part of this group and just fill in your zip and find one by you: http://www.alphausa.org/Group/Group.aspx?ID=1000061028

 

[razzelflabben]

Hello everyone!

This is my first time posting, but I have been reading these forums for a while now. I've never had the courage to make a post, since I've never been sure about what I believe. I hope this is the right subsection; I'm just reaching out to a community that I feel could perhaps help me out a bit.

A little about me: I've grown up in an entirely non-religious family. I've never attended church (except for the church camp when I was about 7) and I don't have the ability to yet; my driving skills are pretty bad right now For no reason recently I've started to think about religion, specifically thinking about God and Jesus and everthing like that (hence the reading of practically every thread on these forums ), and for one reason or another it's just "appealing" to me. Something seems right about it. I guess that's not the best way to put it, but it's something like that. It has an attraction that I just can't shake no matter how hard I try. Another weird fact is that I've never prayed in a "conventional" sense. Recently I've just started talking out loud to God, usually just before bed, as if I were talking to a best friend. It just works for me, and I don't feel as insecure as I would conventionally praying. But I'm new and I really don't know how to do things.

Here's my issue: I THINK I believe in God and that Jesus is our saviour, and I WANT to believe. I really do want to. But looking on from another thread, I've seen that most of you think that "Trying" to have faith isn't the right way to go about doing it. I've tried. I have. But my capacity to try really isn't anything to be proud of. So what I've seen is that you think people like me should just have pure and plain "Faith". I mean, I have faith in God and Jesus. Well, that's the other big thing. I only THINK I have faith. I don't know if I do. I've always second-guessed myself about everythng, and apparently right now, this is no different. It's unsettling for me; I really do want to have undying faith in God, it's just hard when you don't know how.

But then I doubt myself even further. Why would I be important to anyone? I probably cause more trouble than most people you know, and having the honor of having faith in God is just... too "amazing", for someone like me. It's sort of like the bad kid in school who gets the "best student of the month award", and knows that they shouldn't get it based on who've they've been.

I guess my question to anyone who feels like answering is:

"What do you think I should do? Should I keep trying and wanting it, or stop trying to make myself believe?"

I know I haven't explained it well, but currently I have 1001 thoughts just flying through my mind with no hint of slowing down.

Kindest regards,

Cyp

lol...belief is to be convinced of something...faith is to believe it to the point that you put your trust in the thing. As you can imagine, faith can build, in fact, I have a list of passages that tell us how to build our faith, that is our trust "muscle" when it comes to God. Let me know if you want the list....

So I would say your on the right track, allow the HS to fill you, then begin a journey to allow yourself to live in that Spirit. Baptism and communion help us make our belief become faith, so look into that as well.

 

[paul1149]

You can't force yourself to believe. Belief has to come from the heart. But you can be diligent about your search. You can examine the evidence and examine yourself, and you can start to be faithful to the light you already have been given. People who do that tend to be given more.

There's a neat little principle given in Hebrews 11:

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. -heb 11.6​

Basically, if you have that basic level of trust, you can ease off on the pressure you place on yourself (which won't do any good anyway) and let the Lord do the driving. If you are sincere, He is going to meet you where you are and guide you in for a landing.

 

[aiki]

Here's my issue: I THINK I believe in God and that Jesus is our saviour, and I WANT to believe. I really do want to. But looking on from another thread, I've seen that most of you think that "Trying" to have faith isn't the right way to go about doing it. I've tried. I have. But my capacity to try really isn't anything to be proud of. So what I've seen is that you think people like me should just have pure and plain "Faith".

If you only think you exist, do you? Of course you do! If you only think the bus about to run over you exists, does it? Wait a moment and you'll find out! It seems very odd to me that you are trying to separate what you think from what you believe. These two things are inextricably intertwined. THe Bible makes it clear that faith is at times laborious. Sometimes it is work to believe. But as one exercises their faith it grows stronger and what was once an effort to believe becomes something about which one is deeply confident.

Faith to trust Christ as Saviour and Lord comes from God's Holy Spirit. If you want a more certain faith, ask God to help you strengthen your faith.

I mean, I have faith in God and Jesus. Well, that's the other big thing. I only THINK I have faith. I don't know if I do. I've always second-guessed myself about everythng, and apparently right now, this is no different. It's unsettling for me; I really do want to have undying faith in God, it's just hard when you don't know how.

See above.

But then I doubt myself even further. Why would I be important to anyone? I probably cause more trouble than most people you know, and having the honor of having faith in God is just... too "amazing", for someone like me.

God doesn't care about you because you are remarkable or deserve His love. He cares about you because that is how He is. Instead of drawing back from God's love because you think you are too small or insignificant for Him, understand that to God everything about us is small and insignificant. In spite of this He still loves you. Sit back and enjoy it! Be glad God is the God that He is!

It's sort of like the bad kid in school who gets the "best student of the month award", and knows that they shouldn't get it based on who've they've been.

Ah, God's got no illusions about you. He knows you inside out. This makes His love for you all the more amazing, don't you think? Enjoy it! And be thankful!

I guess my question to anyone who feels like answering is:

"What do you think I should do? Should I keep trying and wanting it, or stop trying to make myself believe?"

The first time you do anything that requires trust, you have to make yourself do it. It's only after you see that your trust is well-placed that you can relax and rest easy in the thing in which you have placed your trust. Have you ever done that exercise in trust where you have to fall backward off of a table or chair into the waiting arms of a group of people behind you? For most people, they have to work themselves up to doing it. Will I be caught? What if somebody is weak and drops me? Can I trust these people to keep me safe? These sorts of questions and doubts keep rolling around in one's head until one steps off and discovers the answers. Same thing with God. You're only going to discover the truth of God and His promises to you after you step off and trust Him to hold you.

Selah.

 

[Radagast]

Recently I've just started talking out loud to God, usually just before bed

Why would I be important to anyone? I probably cause more trouble than most people you know, and having the honor of having faith in God is just... too "amazing", for someone like me.

You are very, very important to God. I suggest that you keep praying, read the Bible (starting with the Gospels), and find other Christians to meet up with.

 

[Cyprezz]

Hi everyone, again.

Thank you, firstly, for your comments. They are very much appreciated.

I don't really know what to say other than I know I want to have faith, but getting and and sustaining it is what I am/will have trouble with. I've read so many things on here, and am starting reading the bible again, (highlighters for things I think just "jump out "), and I'm growing in belief as I learn and try to understand (which is proving quite difficult) but no matter how hard i try, my Faith doesn't seem to be becoming stronger. I want to put the entirety of my trust into God and Jesus Christ, I just don't know how. I've even began praying on the matter.

Thoughts or advice would be lovely; it's like I'm at war with myself. I want to be Christian, I just don't know where to start or continue.

 

[motherprayer]

Start by believing on Christ

It IS a process, don't let anyone make you believe it is some magic thing that happens all of a sudden. For some it is like that, but not for everybody. You are on the right track

 

[paul1149]

When Isaiah the prophet described the job John the Baptist would have, he said it would be to "prepare the way of the Lord". John tilled the ground by telling people to repent, but then Jesus actually came, bringing with Him His new kingdom.

It's like that with us. We do what we can to prepare the ground of our hearts, but God must actually do the infilling. We can't, and He knows that, and that's the way it should be.

Jesus tells the parable of the Good Shepherd in Luke 15. He leaves the 99 that are safe to find the 1 that is lost. After you've done everything you can, it's best to sit tight and let the Shepherd find you. Very often, faith is found in waiting confidently.

God is not the author of confusion, but of harmony and clarity. When I find myself getting confused, I know it's time to step back, get quiet and let the Lord speak to me.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hi everyone, again.

Thank you, firstly, for your comments. They are very much appreciated.

I don't really know what to say other than I know I want to have faith, but getting and and sustaining it is what I am/will have trouble with. I've read so many things on here, and am starting reading the bible again, (highlighters for things I think just "jump out "), and I'm growing in belief as I learn and try to understand (which is proving quite difficult) but no matter how hard i try, my Faith doesn't seem to be becoming stronger. I want to put the entirety of my trust into God and Jesus Christ, I just don't know how. I've even began praying on the matter.

Thoughts or advice would be lovely; it's like I'm at war with myself. I want to be Christian, I just don't know where to start or continue.

Can I tell you a story, well two related stories that will illustrate a point, pretty well, I think.

When I was about 6, my life was so out of control, I was trying to figure out how to kill myself. Long story made real short, I came to Christ about the same time, cause in a living God, I knew I could survive. I came to Christ to survive. Well, to make a long story, way short. Nothing in my life changed. My situation was the same, my problems were the same, nothing seemed to be changing. I persevered in my quest to know the living God, or even if He existed, but I felt like I had failed, or else my situation at least would have changed.

Fast forward, to my teen years. I was sewing, my sister came into the room and laid on my back. I asked her to move, she refused, I told her to move, she refused, so I took hold of her arms and set her off me. My sister went crying to my father that I scratched her and showed him and old wound that was healing. My father went nuts, took off his belt, and began to beat me with it. That day, Christ, stood between me and that belt, because though you would swear I was getting a beating, there was no sting, and no marks from it's contact. That was the day, that I looked back over my life, that was the day I gained the perspective of seeing with spiritual eyes, not just fleshly eyes. That was the day, that I realized that my perseverance had taken a 6 year old that was desperate to survive, and created a young woman who had thrived in the power and might of the HS within. It wasn't that day that changed my view, it was all the days before, all the days I couldn't see because I was striving so hard to survive. Look at it kind of like, not being able to see the forest for the trees. I was growing, learning, maturing in the Lord, but I didn't know it, couldn't see it, cause I was in the middle of the mess. My eyes were focused only on me, when I shifted my focus off myself, onto the Lord, when I stopped looking with physical eyes and started seeing with spiritual eyes, I was the mark of the living God that promises us that in Him, we are more than overcomers.

You are an overcomer in the power and might of the Living God. You can thrive in the midst of anything the world can throw at you, in Him....but, you may not see all He is doing, you may not see how you are growing, till you have had time to step back and see. A child can't tell they are growing by measuring themselves everyday, but when they measure every year, the growth is apparent. Persevere...find someone you trust, that can and will encourage you. Every so often, look back and see where you were and where you are now, some people use a diary, especially a prayer diary to help with this. Learn to see with spiritual eyes, with the eyes of humility, that take the focus off yourself and puts the focus in this case, on Christ first, and others second as you learn to Love Him.

Hope that helps some...may you find grace, peace, and growth as you persevere through this trial that has come to you.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hi everyone, again.

Thank you, firstly, for your comments. They are very much appreciated.

I don't really know what to say other than I know I want to have faith, but getting and and sustaining it is what I am/will have trouble with. I've read so many things on here, and am starting reading the bible again, (highlighters for things I think just "jump out "), and I'm growing in belief as I learn and try to understand (which is proving quite difficult) but no matter how hard i try, my Faith doesn't seem to be becoming stronger. I want to put the entirety of my trust into God and Jesus Christ, I just don't know how. I've even began praying on the matter.

Thoughts or advice would be lovely; it's like I'm at war with myself. I want to be Christian, I just don't know where to start or continue.

oh, one more thing, entire trust in God, is something I'm not sure any of us can say we have achieved...but with perseverance and HS power and struggle and grace, we are learning to trust more and more each day.

 

[Dreamers]

posted on wrong thread sorry

 

[Cyprezz]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

Still having issues though. I just can't get my head around "why" God would still love people like me who have screwed up so much and are continually turning their backs. I'm a hypocrite now as I've always thought that people who say "he didn't respond or talk back" were just being silly, but now I can understand where they're coming from.

 

[razzelflabben]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

Still having issues though. I just can't get my head around "why" God would still love people like me who have screwed up so much and are continually turning their backs. I'm a hypocrite now as I've always thought that people who say "he didn't respond or talk back" were just being silly, but now I can understand where they're coming from.

Listen, you are a masterpiece, a work of art, but, you need refined to bring out the beauty that God created solely for you. That is why God can love even a hypocrite. Cause in His most capable hands, will be revealed the most wonderful work of art beyond what this world knows. That work of art is you, living in the HS as the HS lives and works in you.

I have a whole chapter on the Master Craftsman Love that might help you to understand the value God created you to have, but the long and short of it, is that your true beauty is being hidden by the sin of this world, and God wants to chip away that sin, so that the real you, He created, will be revealed to the world and to you.

 

[Cyprezz]

I just... I just don't know. I've made so many mistakes and I've put my trust in both people and beliefs before (yes in God) and things always end up in the depression and low-self esteem court. I know I'm waffling on here, but I genuinely need and want help. Thanks razz for your words, they're really starting to help.

 

[razzelflabben]

I just... I just don't know. I've made so many mistakes and I've put my trust in both people and beliefs before (yes in God) and things always end up in the depression and low-self esteem court. I know I'm waffling on here, but I genuinely need and want help. Thanks razz for your words, they're really starting to help.

Self esteem is a huge problem for many of us. In fact, I suffer from low self esteem. I was told my entire life that I was worth nothing. But part of allowing the HS to mold you, to refine you, is to learn to hold what is true, and discard what is lie. It's a long, hard, tiring process and there will be times you fall, but knowing who you are in Christ, and holding to that truth no matter what the other voices in your life tell you, discarding all the lies, will change your life. It will renew your mind, and you will begin to see who you are intended to be.

I have some study sheets on who you are in Christ and a chapter about the Master Craftsman if you want them to study, PM me. Also know that we can talk for as long as you want. You are a work of art, you just don't see that yet. It isn't about who you are, or who you have been in the past, but who you are becoming in the hands of the Master. Don't shut me out, I have some tricks to help you get there, if you really want to discover the you that God intends for you to be.

 

[Cyprezz]

I've dealt with being told "I'm nothing" my entire life, and being told something so often (even if it were a lie) makes that thing basically turn into a truth, something that you start believing. I've been treated like this and told that I'm nothing so much that it has turned into a truth for me. And trying to get rid of that belief is the hardest thing I've ever tried, and it didn't work. I essentially feel "pathetic", and I know it's not about me it's about God but its hard putting trust in God when there's been so many prior attempts that don't work out. I never seem to get anything right. Sorry for the downer post, having a pretty bad day oh well, at least things can only get better, right?

 

[razzelflabben]

I've dealt with being told "I'm nothing" my entire life, and being told something so often (even if it were a lie) makes that thing basically turn into a truth, something that you start believing. I've been treated like this and told that I'm nothing so much that it has turned into a truth for me. And trying to get rid of that belief is the hardest thing I've ever tried, and it didn't work. I essentially feel "pathetic", and I know it's not about me it's about God but its hard putting trust in God when there's been so many prior attempts that don't work out. I never seem to get anything right. Sorry for the downer post, having a pretty bad day oh well, at least things can only get better, right?

Oh my dear, dear sister...I know exactly what you are talking about. And you are right, about the lies turning into truth and that it is a very hard battle to fight and win...so, let's start here, I'm gonna give you three things, I want you to work on, just three.

1. Believe that the truth, whether realized in you or not, is that you are special and precious to God. IOW's doesn't matter if you believe it, just accept it as a truth that you are trying to get to belief on. Can you do that?

2. Take your thoughts captive as unto the Lord. Here is what that means, and it is scriptural...when the thoughts and feelings of low self image and other lies that you have been taught as truth, invade. Take hold of that thought and replace it with a good thought...let me see, maybe, I am a work of art that is being refined...or maybe, I have value as a child of the King...something like that, I recommend you taking one that is really dear to you, maybe the one you want to believe most and have it always ready, you can add some as you learn to do this, but for now, focus on one thing you want to believe about yourself and substitute the bad thoughts for that one good thought. Believe it or not, this will turn your life around as you practice it more and more.

3. Thirdly, look for opportunities to cast off all lies, whether you do so in your mind, actually make a gesture of throwing the lie away, or physically write the lie down and destroy it and/or throw it away, practice this.

Now, one more thing. I have been where you are, in fact, when I was about 6 I wanted to kill myself because I was convinced I had no worth, so I get it. I could tell you stories of how God taught me to do the above, but the bottom line of what you need to know, is that God's way works. Try it, and be amazed at what God wants to do in and through you. But be sure to do it all in the power of God, by asking Him to help you do as I have asked you. Also, don't be afraid to PM me if you want more privacy, or we can email, or you can call me, this is kind of what I do, show people the healing fountain that I have drunk from.

May you find strength for the journey asked of you, courage to change your situation and grace to allow God to transform your life.

 

[Dreamers]

Remember, there is Jesus and the Devil who is a deceiver. The devil wants to keep you feeling bad about yourself and not forgiving yourself. Don't give in and listen to his lies. The bible says resist the devil and he will flee. The best thing is to keep crying out to Jesus. When we repent our sins are remembered no more. It is our flesh and the enemy who tries to remind us of our past. He forgives you. He loves you unconditionally. I have been real depressed and now take medication for it, which helps a lot. When feeling down, grab the bible and read verses on His love, forgiveness. " God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of peace and sound mind." Try to hang around people that will uplift you and not bring you down. I was told my life that I was nothing too.. but you are something. If you are depressed pray He delivers you from that and gives you self confidence. Pray He takes away a spirit of condemnation. You condemn yourself with thinking and speaking pourly about yourself, and He does not want us to feel sad. You also have to believe He will answer that prayer. Get in the habit of renewing your thoughts daily. Ask Him to help you with that and He sure will! Joyce Meyer wrote a good book called The Battlefield of The Mind. It helped me a ton. Bless you for having the courage to ask for help. Having faith in Him will grow over time if you allow Him into your life 100 %- not just part of your heart but your full heart.