Hello there…
I’m new to these forums, so I guess I should start by explaining my story a little.
I started liking the girl I’m currently in a relationship with starting about March 2009. Between that time and the time I told her of my feelings (shortly before Christmas 2009), I spent much of my time pursuing her and spending lots of time with her. She would do some pretty awful things in order to keep me from getting too close since she didn’t want to date, even though she considered me her best “guy friend” after having known each other for nearly two years at the time. I frequently went back and forth from liking her, being furious at her, and being indifferent towards her, much of this due to her actions.
In late December 2009, I couldn’t take the suspense anymore, and I told her my feelings. She told me that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but that she didn’t want to date right now (which she knew I already knew).
Anyway, that’s a very condensed version of my pursuit of her, and the subsequent results. We stayed friends after my revelation to her of my feelings, and oddly, seemed to grow even closer over the next couple months. Fast forward to Friday, February 26, 2010. She had come to my college suite (she lived only a floor below me since we went to the same college and had lots of mutual friends in the suite) to watch a movie with some friends and I. We got a blanket to keep warm as we watched the movie, with me sitting next to her. Throughout the movie, our hands would get closer and closer to each other underneath the blanket, and by the end of the movie, we were holding hands.
Anyway, long story short, over a period of a couple weeks we talked, prayed, and eventually entered into an official relationship on March 16, 2010.
Over the next few months our relationship has been going fairly well: we are extremely open and honest with each other, are fairly physically intimate, and typically enjoy each others’ company. At least… that’s how it seems on the outside.
In the beginning of the relationship, we went too far physically and, while not going all the way (i.e. actual sex), we definitely crossed some lines. We’ve come to set some solid boundaries for each other and are careful about pushing each other too far. All this to say, sexual attraction isn’t a problem.
The problem seems to be (and I’ve discussed this with her), is that sometimes I get this tremendous urge that tells me I need to break up with her because I’m not super happy to be with her all the time and sometimes feel bored. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve known her so long or what. Also, sometimes I find other girls very attractive, and I find this disturbing because I always thought that when I entered into a relationship I would only have eyes for my partner (we’ve discussed that too, to some degree). I worry that we’re not compatible enough or that I’m just hurting her more by staying with her when I’m not sure if I want to be with her for life. Usually, I don’t even feel like I miss her, but I did a lot of that when I was pursuing her. I think some of the problem is that I have a hard time trusting her after all she put me through. She makes it very clear that she likes me now, and seems crazy about me. We see each other at least twice a week, since she lives about an hour away.
Am I just being overly anxious, seeing that the relationship is still fairly young? Or is this something that I should talk more seriously about? Am I being overly selfish? I think my main concern is my feelings for her, because otherwise we fit each other quite well and she is very understanding and accepting of me despite my shortcomings.
Sorry if none of this makes sense, I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now
Thanks for any help in advance
I’m new to these forums, so I guess I should start by explaining my story a little.
I started liking the girl I’m currently in a relationship with starting about March 2009. Between that time and the time I told her of my feelings (shortly before Christmas 2009), I spent much of my time pursuing her and spending lots of time with her. She would do some pretty awful things in order to keep me from getting too close since she didn’t want to date, even though she considered me her best “guy friend” after having known each other for nearly two years at the time. I frequently went back and forth from liking her, being furious at her, and being indifferent towards her, much of this due to her actions.
In late December 2009, I couldn’t take the suspense anymore, and I told her my feelings. She told me that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but that she didn’t want to date right now (which she knew I already knew).
Anyway, that’s a very condensed version of my pursuit of her, and the subsequent results. We stayed friends after my revelation to her of my feelings, and oddly, seemed to grow even closer over the next couple months. Fast forward to Friday, February 26, 2010. She had come to my college suite (she lived only a floor below me since we went to the same college and had lots of mutual friends in the suite) to watch a movie with some friends and I. We got a blanket to keep warm as we watched the movie, with me sitting next to her. Throughout the movie, our hands would get closer and closer to each other underneath the blanket, and by the end of the movie, we were holding hands.
Anyway, long story short, over a period of a couple weeks we talked, prayed, and eventually entered into an official relationship on March 16, 2010.
Over the next few months our relationship has been going fairly well: we are extremely open and honest with each other, are fairly physically intimate, and typically enjoy each others’ company. At least… that’s how it seems on the outside.
In the beginning of the relationship, we went too far physically and, while not going all the way (i.e. actual sex), we definitely crossed some lines. We’ve come to set some solid boundaries for each other and are careful about pushing each other too far. All this to say, sexual attraction isn’t a problem.
The problem seems to be (and I’ve discussed this with her), is that sometimes I get this tremendous urge that tells me I need to break up with her because I’m not super happy to be with her all the time and sometimes feel bored. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve known her so long or what. Also, sometimes I find other girls very attractive, and I find this disturbing because I always thought that when I entered into a relationship I would only have eyes for my partner (we’ve discussed that too, to some degree). I worry that we’re not compatible enough or that I’m just hurting her more by staying with her when I’m not sure if I want to be with her for life. Usually, I don’t even feel like I miss her, but I did a lot of that when I was pursuing her. I think some of the problem is that I have a hard time trusting her after all she put me through. She makes it very clear that she likes me now, and seems crazy about me. We see each other at least twice a week, since she lives about an hour away.
Am I just being overly anxious, seeing that the relationship is still fairly young? Or is this something that I should talk more seriously about? Am I being overly selfish? I think my main concern is my feelings for her, because otherwise we fit each other quite well and she is very understanding and accepting of me despite my shortcomings.
Sorry if none of this makes sense, I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now
Thanks for any help in advance
