Unpredictable

[Gentle Lamb]

My mom tends to be unpredictable/unreliable. She tends to tell me one thing and then another. For instance, asking me for money for something then giving me the money back and maybe saying she wasn't serious. My dad has done the same to me before. Also unpredictable with family relationships, at times not wanting to talk to members of the family and badmouthing them terribly and then talking to them again. I have taken their financial requests seriously at times, wanting to honor them and at other times have ignored the financial requests because of this behavior, knowing they would return what I give them. The family relationships are harder to deal with given all this uncertainty. Is there anyone out there who has ever been in a similar situation with their parents? How have you dealt with it? This is taking a toll on me, that's why I keep posting here. It's hard to deal with.

 

[Tolworth John]

My mom tends to be unpredictable/unreliable. She tends to tell me one thing and then another. For instance, asking me for money for something then giving me the money back and maybe saying she wasn't serious. My dad has done the same to me before. Also unpredictable with family relationships, at times not wanting to talk to members of the family and badmouthing them terribly and then talking to them again

If you don't know where you stand with your parents that must put a lot of stress and worry on you.

Have you talked to them about this behaviour?
Do they recognise it or do they deny doing it?

I would suggest keeping a diary of these events and again talk to them about the incidence.
If they are in denial you have real problems as it sounds to me like the onset of seniality but you would need to get this checked out by a doctor.

 

[icxn]

If they were suffering from alzheimer's wouldn't you gladly put up with their unpredictability and taken care of them?

 

[Gentle Lamb]

This isn't Alzheimer's. They have always been this way and are VERY difficult to talk to about anything serious as they are always just "making jokes" to the point where I just think of the boy who cried wolf when it comes to some requests. I am always hesitant to talk to them about anything serious because of these behaviors, but also in the past there was so much yelling and anger that could come along with a conversation of anything of importance. They started pressuring me for money to contribute to bills when I was still in my late teens and trying to just get on my feet financially while getting educated. Things have calmed down since then, by the grace of God, but behaviors like this just leave me confused and worried and wondering who to talk to because this is very difficult to understand.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

If you don't know where you stand with your parents that must put a lot of stress and worry on you.

Have you talked to them about this behaviour?
Do they recognise it or do they deny doing it?

I would suggest keeping a diary of these events and again talk to them about the incidence.
If they are in denial you have real problems as it sounds to me like the onset of seniality but you would need to get this checked out by a doctor.

They deny stuff saying they're just joking or weren't serious. This happens ALL the time. I mean I don't even know.... it's so confusing.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

If they were suffering from alzheimer's wouldn't you gladly put up with their unpredictability and taken care of them?

How can I adequately try to help people who ask for help and then deny the help when offered? And this isn't Alzheimer's, this is their normal behavior. I don't mind offering help for when it's needed but when it's not needed and I'm being messed around with this way does it count as being taken advantage of? This is not normal behavior, it's happening constantly and I'm confused.

 

[eleos1954]

This isn't Alzheimer's. They have always been this way and are VERY difficult to talk to about anything serious as they are always just "making jokes" to the point where I just think of the boy who cried wolf when it comes to some requests. I am always hesitant to talk to them about anything serious because of these behaviors, but also in the past there was so much yelling and anger that could come along with a conversation of anything of importance. They started pressuring me for money to contribute to bills when I was still in my late teens and trying to just get on my feet financially while getting educated. Things have calmed down since then, by the grace of God, but behaviors like this just leave me confused and worried and wondering who to talk to because this is very difficult to understand.

Why don't you just ask them if they want you to make a monthly contribution towards family bills ... ok ... how much ... and be done with it?

If they give you money ... ask them ... is this a gift? Is so accept it (or not) ... if not ... just state I don't need a loan ... thanks anyways.

Sounds like to me they might be fickle people ... go do some googling about fickle and see if maybe that explains their behavior.

The definition of fickle is changing your mind easily and often

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Why don't you just ask them if they want you to make a monthly contribution towards family bills ... ok ... how much ... and be done with it?

If they give you money ... ask them ... is this a gift? Is so accept it (or not) ... if not ... just state I don't need a loan ... thanks anyways.

Sounds like to me they might be fickle people ... go do some googling about fickle and see if maybe that explains their behavior.

The definition of fickle is changing your mind easily and often

I think I will stick with the solid monthly contributions and try to ignore the other things, as that is more solid. Yes, fickle does seem right. The problem is, having grown up with that I don't want to have the same character trait in myself knowing that it's not good.

 

[eleos1954]

I think I will stick with the solid monthly contributions and try to ignore the other things, as that is more solid. Yes, fickle does seem right. The problem is, having grown up with that I don't want to have the same character trait in myself knowing that it's not good.

we are to learn from both the good and bad from our parents ;o) You are aware of it ... so doubt you will repeat the error ;o) Keep yourself in "check" ;o)

 

[Gentle Lamb]

we are to learn from both the good and bad from our parents ;o) You are aware of it ... so doubt you will repeat the error ;o) Keep yourself in "check" ;o)

Yes, you are right. As I have come closer to Jesus, things about my relationship with my parents have been brought more to light to help me understand them better and I want to allow the healing power of God to work. I need help understanding things at times so this website helps as well as other resources. Sometimes, even when knowing about something I could be in the midst of repeating an error so I have to get an outside perspective and keep on checking myself as you said. Thank God for the light of the gospel.