Unfriendly church function

[tturt]

Asking this question based on a family member's hurt feelings. They"ve never gone to church but attended a weekly function several times during the summer. It wasn't a self help type of setting - can't remember now what it was about. She has friends at work and other friends as well as close family members. But said no one made any effort to introduce themselves and when she tried, they didnt talk with her even after they attended several times. Asks her to try again including who they tried to talk with previously but it didnt make any difference.

Siince they had chosen this church, my hope had been they would feel comfortable and begin to attend regularly.In their city. I dont care if anyone speaks to me but her feelings are hurt. So does anyone have some suggestions?

 

[Halbhh]

Asking this question based on a family member's hurt feelings. They"ve never gone to church but attended a weekly function several times during the summer. It wasn't a self help type of setting - can't remember now what it was about. She has friends at work and other friends as well as close family members. But said no one made any effort to introduce themselves and when she tried, they didnt talk with her even after they attended several times. Asks her to try again including who they tried to talk with previously but it didnt make any difference.

Siince they had chosen this church, my hope had been they would feel comfortable and begin to attend regularly.In their city. I dont care if anyone speaks to me but her feelings are hurt. So does anyone have some suggestions?

If (and only if) your own church is truly friendly (and if it is not, then unless you are very strong in faith and love so that you can help them, you might be better off to leave that church and find one that is full of love!)...then (with a truly loving church) you could invite her to go with you, and ahead of time talk to a couple of friends at your church and tell them you are trying to get her to visit, so that they can help make her feel welcome.

 

[maintenance man]

So does anyone have some suggestions?

It sounds like her expectations may have been too high or she is just looking for an excuse to not go. That's just a guess since I don't know her or the church. I like the idea mentioned above to try again with some people ready to help make her feel welcome.

 

[salt-n-light]

Asking this question based on a family member's hurt feelings. They"ve never gone to church but attended a weekly function several times during the summer. It wasn't a self help type of setting - can't remember now what it was about. She has friends at work and other friends as well as close family members. But said no one made any effort to introduce themselves and when she tried, they didnt talk with her even after they attended several times. Asks her to try again including who they tried to talk with previously but it didnt make any difference.

Siince they had chosen this church, my hope had been they would feel comfortable and begin to attend regularly.In their city. I dont care if anyone speaks to me but her feelings are hurt. So does anyone have some suggestions?

There's always two sides of the story, so I'm not sure if I can say its purely on their end. I don't know about the size of church, the type of church, etc. Although church in general do have a responsibility to make sure that they are properly welcoming guests, it would help if she step back and see if she have open herself enough to show that she wants to build relationships with people.

With that said she is free to look elsewhere if she's not comfortable, but a spirit that is only seeking to get and not give will not help her in the long-run. Go to contribute without expectations, see how it works. That would be my suggestion.

 

[Albion]

Asking this question based on a family member's hurt feelings. They"ve never gone to church but attended a weekly function several times during the summer. It wasn't a self help type of setting - can't remember now what it was about. She has friends at work and other friends as well as close family members. But said no one made any effort to introduce themselves and when she tried, they didnt talk with her even after they attended several times. Asks her to try again including who they tried to talk with previously but it didnt make any difference.

Siince they had chosen this church, my hope had been they would feel comfortable and begin to attend regularly.In their city. I dont care if anyone speaks to me but her feelings are hurt. So does anyone have some suggestions?

All the obvious explanations seem to have been covered--disappointment was not based on only one visit, was not a problem because of her reluctance to speak to anyone, and so on.

Therefore, it may be time to say to her that you understand, and that "some churches are like that--unfortunately--so try another. That has worked for many people who had the same experience you did and then found the right church for them."

 

[tturt]

Thanks for your input.

 

[Angelina2]

Perhaps she could ask the Pastor if he would introduce them to the church and they could tell the church a little bit about themselves. I think that may just be the ice breaker they are looking for....jm2c

 

[Tolworth John]

Asking this question based on a family member's hurt feelings. They"ve never gone to church but attended a weekly function several times during the summer. It wasn't a self help type of setting - can't remember now what it was about. She has friends at work and other friends as well as close family members. But said no one made any effort to introduce themselves and when she tried, they didnt talk with her even after they attended several times. Asks her to try again including who they tried to talk with previously but it didnt make any difference.

Siince they had chosen this church, my hope had been they would feel comfortable and begin to attend regularly.In their city. I dont care if anyone speaks to me but her feelings are hurt. So does anyone have some suggestions?

It is unclear from your account whether family and friends from work attended this church and would not speak to her or whether she has friends outside church and it was only at church that attendees there would not speak to her.

You need to clarify the situation, get dates, titles of the events etc and then talk to the paster.

There is not alot he can do. If there is an unholy huddle in an event who are unwelcoming he can't really scold them.
You can make him and the other leaders aware of a problem, for them to identify it and start trying to change the attitudes, in the mean time its a case of find a more friendly church.

 

[tturt]

She attended this church for a particular function alone several times during the summer. They live several hours away and I'm not familiar with this church. She's very social and has several friends.

 

[Dimples41185]

She should bring it up to the pastor. It's something that the pastor should address with the church. You should also let her know however that church is also for broken people so not everyone that attends will be open or friendly, they may be going because they need help too. If she reaches out to others and they also aren't friendly especially those put in leadership in the church...then that's not the church she should be at!

 

[tturt]

Thanks They have several things going on and have decided not to try attending church.