I apologize in advance, this will likely be a lengthy and rambling post.
Me and my wife have been married about 4 1/2 months and just found out the other day that she is pregnant. We weren't trying to get pregnant and were going to try to wait another 2 or 3 years before trying. Obviously God had other plans. We were practicing NFP...but because my wife was switching a lot from day to night shift, her temperature was out of whack and very unreliable. We went a lot by how her cycle behaved the previous months...obviously that wasn't the right thing to do.
We're both a bit troubled by this , which is frustrating because we know it should be a joyous occasion. But I think fear has gotten the best of us right now. Emotionally we don't feel ready to be parents, which I know is a common feeling for most couples before their first child. More glaringly, financially we certainly don't feel ready. We don't have much money saved up at this point and I just finished the first semester of graduate school. I do get a small stipend for being a TA and most likely will be getting a larger stipend in a nother few months...but that alone certainly isn't enough to make ends meet. My wife works as a nurse which is great pay, but she will obviously need to take at least a month off when it comes time for the baby.
On top of that we fear what family and friends will think. I have this feeling that my family in particular will look down at us a bit, thinking that we are irresponsible for allowing ourselves to get pregnant when we obviously aren't ready. As for the friends, many of us knew and scoffed at the fact we were planning on using NFP. We wanted to be an example, show that it can work. Now we feel like we're just reinforcing their beliefs that NFP doesn't work and we were niave to even consider it.
Lastly, and probably most selfishly of all, we just feel like this puts a damper on our life together. So much for spending some time together, alone, as a couple first. I know it's terrible to be thinking this way...but we can't help thinking about how this will take away our time together.
In a way we almost feel God is punishing us for not depending on him enough for the first few months of our marriage. Not that we have ignored him, but we certainly have been more caught up in each other and probably not taken as much time out to focus on including him. I have this fear that this isn't really God's will, we just made a mistake and weren't careful enough when some of the signs for NFP weren't reliable. And seriously...how many people who are trying to get pregnant actually succeed on their first try? Yet we, not even trying to get pregnant, mess up one night and wind up pregnant. But more than likely, it's probably just God's way of teaching us how to give up our selfish ways.
Bottom line is we're just afraid (and even a bit angry). This just doesn't seem good for us financially. What if it puts a strain on our marriage? What if this interferes with my plans for graduate school? Certainly things could be worse...at least we have a marriage that has been blessed by God and we know his will is for us to raise our own family. We both want to be happy as we know what a wonderful gift this is. And we hate for the birth of our first child to have this stain of unacceptance and rejection. But other emotions are getting the better of us right now.
I would love to hear from some other people who have had unplanned pregnancies and how you dealt with them. Advice and prayers would be appreciated as well. Thanks for listening!
-Matt
Me and my wife have been married about 4 1/2 months and just found out the other day that she is pregnant. We weren't trying to get pregnant and were going to try to wait another 2 or 3 years before trying. Obviously God had other plans. We were practicing NFP...but because my wife was switching a lot from day to night shift, her temperature was out of whack and very unreliable. We went a lot by how her cycle behaved the previous months...obviously that wasn't the right thing to do.
We're both a bit troubled by this , which is frustrating because we know it should be a joyous occasion. But I think fear has gotten the best of us right now. Emotionally we don't feel ready to be parents, which I know is a common feeling for most couples before their first child. More glaringly, financially we certainly don't feel ready. We don't have much money saved up at this point and I just finished the first semester of graduate school. I do get a small stipend for being a TA and most likely will be getting a larger stipend in a nother few months...but that alone certainly isn't enough to make ends meet. My wife works as a nurse which is great pay, but she will obviously need to take at least a month off when it comes time for the baby.
On top of that we fear what family and friends will think. I have this feeling that my family in particular will look down at us a bit, thinking that we are irresponsible for allowing ourselves to get pregnant when we obviously aren't ready. As for the friends, many of us knew and scoffed at the fact we were planning on using NFP. We wanted to be an example, show that it can work. Now we feel like we're just reinforcing their beliefs that NFP doesn't work and we were niave to even consider it.
Lastly, and probably most selfishly of all, we just feel like this puts a damper on our life together. So much for spending some time together, alone, as a couple first. I know it's terrible to be thinking this way...but we can't help thinking about how this will take away our time together.
In a way we almost feel God is punishing us for not depending on him enough for the first few months of our marriage. Not that we have ignored him, but we certainly have been more caught up in each other and probably not taken as much time out to focus on including him. I have this fear that this isn't really God's will, we just made a mistake and weren't careful enough when some of the signs for NFP weren't reliable. And seriously...how many people who are trying to get pregnant actually succeed on their first try? Yet we, not even trying to get pregnant, mess up one night and wind up pregnant. But more than likely, it's probably just God's way of teaching us how to give up our selfish ways.
Bottom line is we're just afraid (and even a bit angry). This just doesn't seem good for us financially. What if it puts a strain on our marriage? What if this interferes with my plans for graduate school? Certainly things could be worse...at least we have a marriage that has been blessed by God and we know his will is for us to raise our own family. We both want to be happy as we know what a wonderful gift this is. And we hate for the birth of our first child to have this stain of unacceptance and rejection. But other emotions are getting the better of us right now.
I would love to hear from some other people who have had unplanned pregnancies and how you dealt with them. Advice and prayers would be appreciated as well. Thanks for listening!
-Matt
I know it may sound trite, but truly God will provide. 
People, including but not limited to family and friends, have even asked me if I or my husband have decided to get 'fixed' yet! I tell them I don't need anything 'fixed' as, evidenced by our five children, everything seems to be working just fine! 
