Unequally yoked...

[speechless]

I'm dating a non-Christian. I feel very trapped. Before the relationship I was striving towards God, and I felt Him very near me. It seems now my morals are a bit compromised (I used to think premaritial sex was wrong - but now am not so sure). I feel like I'm being taken over by lust, I can't believe how far I've slid away from God. 

And now, I put bible studies off. I haven't been going to church. In fact I've been thinking that.. why should I bother being Christian? But I feel like my faith isn't enough I know this relationship is not right with God, but I will have to pray more. I feel like a disappointment to Him because I was fed up being patient. But this isn't satisfying for me. I never really understood the struggle I would be facing. It's a huge struggle. I get very depressed because God doesn't want this for me. He is trying to draw me closer to Him, but I need help.

I don't know what to do. I want God to make the right choices for me.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Talking from experience, I ask you please don't to sell yourself short by dating a non Christian. One of the things you need from a serious partner is someone who will encourage you in your faith even during the days when you have doubts. You need someone that will be as excited about Jesus as you are. You need someone who will enthusiastically enter into Bible study discussions with you long after Bible study at church is over. You need someone to pray with you when you face personal issues in your life as well as empathise with you over common struggles such as pre-marital sex.

Sometimes we allow our feelings get into the way of what God wants for us when we enter into relationships. Usually compared to God's wisdom, our feelings get us into alot of heartache.

The Lord does not intend for you to struggle unnecessarily so please keep praying about this and be prepared for the answer you'll get back. Do you have a church elder or youth leader at your church that you can also talk to? Get some well deserved support from your church members.

I'll keep you in my prayers, Speechless, let us know how you get on.

God bless and be encouraged!

 

 

[CopticOrthodox]

Marriage is a symbol of the love between Christ and His Church. Through matrimony we learn about God's love in ways that we'd never expect. The husband and wife become one flesh, and together encourage each other in their relationship with God. Marriage outside of Christianity is not marriage in the Christian sense because all of this is absent from it. It is this blessing you'll be chosing to reject if you continue down this path, and you have already begun to see the results in your life. Christ said that anyone who does not hate mother, father, husband, wife for His sake is not worthy to follow Him. You will find that your choices are to make Him first in your life, and to live as we were meant, in constant worship of Him, with our whole lives ordered towards Him, in fulfilment of what He made us to be, or you can try to put Him second, and find that rather than second, you'll eventually push Him out of your live altogether. He is a jealous God, because He knows what's best for you, and out of His great love He wants what's best for you.

 

[Didymus]

God will not make your decisions for you. you have to do that yourself. BUT he will give you the strength you need to stand firm once you have made those He approves of. you are on very dangerous ground here- break off this relationship at once. I was in a backslidden state for several years--it is easier to get out early.

 

[MetalBlade]

In a way I know what you are feeling! Lust has always been my down fall, and probably will be to my dying day. Unlike you I never drifted away from being a Christian, in fact becoming an even stronger one helped me. I urge you strongly to pray and talk to God about what is going on in your life. And then whatever you choose I hope that God will still work through you! Remember that he died for our sins!

 

[coastie]

I once talked to a Navy chaplain about this when I was thinking of proposing to my wife wife. I will never forget the conversation.

My wife hadn't grown up in a religious family, but her Grandmother was a strong Catholic.

She said that her father had been turned off by her grandmother's church and that's why they never attended. Suddenly, she became very interested in God and Christianity. She was not a Christian yet.

The Catholic Chaplain asked me if I thought that she would become a Christian, I said yes. Then he asked me if I though that she would help me grow in my faith.

I thought about that for a long time, then realized how much she challenged me with the really tough questions about my faith and how she had forced me into studying the Bible again to find her the answers she needed. She was helping me grow.

So we were married and she accepted Christ a couple months later.

Three years later, she's read the entire Bible, and is more active in the church than I am.

So this story does 1 of two things, confuses the heck out of you, or helps you out quite a bit.

 

[foreverloved03]

I did the same thing. I was dating a guy while we were both non believers. I then gave my life to the Lord and he did not. I stopped going to church ect. after a while because he didn't want to go. I ended up getting pregnant....

 

[Exodus]

Can someone advice on a smooth exit from an unequally yoked relationship. Prayer, of course. Then tell them your partner the truth. That seems to be the obvious, advisable way.

But some people are in relationships that, except for the significant reality of difference in faith, are abosultely wonderful.

Any words of advice on the best, least painless to "walk out" on such wonderful people after many years of relathionships full of the hope of getting married one day?

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Can someone advice on a smooth exit from an unequally yoked relationship. Prayer, of course. Then tell them your partner the truth. That seems to be the obvious, advisable way.

But some people are in relationships that, except for the significant reality of difference in faith, are abosultely wonderful.

Any words of advice on the best, least painless to "walk out" on such wonderful people after many years of relathionships full of the hope of getting married one day

I can only advise from my current circumstances in that if I was dating my husband we'd be able to sit down and talk about it. If the relationship is strong both partners would understand how difficult a topic this would be. In talking about it hopefully the believing partner could emphasise that the other partner is not at fault. Also perhaps in doing so it may prompt the unbelieving partner into considering what it is about their partner's faith which would make them sacrifice a wonderful relationship.

Although we are married, my husband and I had a similar chat on these lines where he asked me whether I would have married him if I was saved prior to our marriage. I started by saying that although I love him dearly I wouldn't have married him. I then listed how my faith adversely affected him and how his 'unbelief' impacted on my Christian walk. Praise the Lord we do have a strong relationship as he could see what I was saying especially when he considered the pitfalls of being married to a Christian

The key thing in a strong relationship is the ability and freedom to convey how you feel to your partner whilst at the same time being able to empathise how they may also feel too. This should also run two ways - by many years of being with a believer the nonbeliever may understand why the relationship should end.

Hope this helps & God bless

 

[Exodus]

Thanks, Lotuspetal. I got your message. What has to happen has to happen. We are to serve God, not people, no matter what the cost.

In most cases of a loving ralthioship, the cost is more than anything I can imagine. I just can't get over it, me myslef having had to go through that once. I wonder if I could have made it any better for the both of us, but I guess there is no sugar-coating such things. A breakup of a wonderful, loving relationship hurts very, very bad. And the guilty feeeling of the believer initiating the breakup is like nothing else. Although you know it is for the best. God knows best.

Many do understand what I am saying and feel the devastation, pain, heartbreak, hurt, even unworthiness that a believed can cause the unbeliver partner when breaking up the relationship for the sake of serving God at all costs.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Exodus,

I feel for you and am sorry that you had to endure the pain of initiating a breakup. No one can truly appreciate that unless they have gone through it themselves.

I pray that the Lord in His mercy will heal your pain over time.

 

[fairyshyone]

I think that you are avoiding bible study and church for a reason. You are having very mixed feelings right now. Dont give up on what you believe, pray about this and read your bible for the answers you seek. Sometimes the answer is already there (which I think is the case here). Following God is not always easy.

 

[en|gma]

I just hope that you don't forget that God is gracious to forgive us our sins! But it doesn't give us the license to sin again and again.

Be bold to approach the throne of our Father again!

It's just sad that u've compromised your faith. I'll pray that God will redeem the relationship! Indeed, God forbids us to be unequally yoked. But Paul also speaks for those who are unequally yoked, meaning, God knew beforehand that some of us would be unequally yoked. (Sorry, I can't quote the passage, but it's somewhere in Paul's letters, i forgot ) Somehow, it's God opportunity to reach out to the other person through u. I believe this because my Mom is a Christian and married my dad who is non-C. At the time, my mom wasnt deeply convicted of Christianity. But in their marriage, she grew deep in the faith and from then on, layed hands on my dad praying for his salvation. After some years, my dad was saved and both are now sactive leaders in my church back in the Philippines. Me and my only brother are also active leaders but I have to go somewhere else...so that leaves the rest of my family there

I just hope that this short testimony will encourage you but I'm not promoting non-C and C relationships. I'm just saying that God is gracious and if you're really in love and don't have to compromise, there may be an opportunity for God to redeem the relationship!

God bless!

 

[Mother Vashti]

18th March 2003 at 12:50 AM speechless said this in Post #1

I'm dating a non-Christian. I feel very trapped. Before the relationship I was striving towards God, and I felt Him very near me. It seems now my morals are a bit compromised (I used to think premaritial sex was wrong - but now am not so sure). I feel like I'm being taken over by lust, I can't believe how far I've slid away from God. 
I don't know what to do. I want God to make the right choices for me. [/B]

Hi speechless,
Do this:

1) READ YOUR BIBLE, especially Jesus and the epistles.
2) Make sure your BEST FRIEND is a Christian. Jesus never sent Christians out by ones, but by twos. As long as there are at least two of you, God is amidst you, and the Christian culture is alive between the two of you.