Unequally Yoked HELP!!

[Matches]

Hello guys i need some help! i am a non-christian(i do believe in god but have issues with the bible) who is dating a christian. I have been dating this women for 4 years since high school. We have a great relationship and yes we do have fights but we always resolve them and like i said we have a great relationship. She has been a christian the entire time i have been with her and i have supported her in every way i could. I do not discredit her beliefs or ever try to change her mind. We have gone to church together.

The problem we have is that the last few months we have been having a HUGE issue where she believes there will be some kind of problem in the future raising children with me not having the same beliefs as her. I have agreed to raise our children as christians take them to church, read them bible story's and raise them with christian beliefs. I have even began reading the bible with her every morning and going to church with her every sunday. i am 100% supportive and still its not enough for her we are trying to work through it but obviously she still has issues with it! her main arguement being what will we say when our children ask why they have to be christian if daddy isn't. I just have no clue how to convince her that this wont be a problem or even a good response to this question. please help me figure out what to say to her or how to make her be ok with this whole situation.

I love this women and want to grow old with her i just really dont know if we can get through this please help me and give me a good response please no zealots screaming ur no good for her because im not christian or the like (I have seen plenty of bad christians and bad marriages from christian family's and if you think i would divorce her because i dont believe in the bible think again i dont believe in divorce i believe in working through your problems not quitting) please only helpful people thanks again.

 

[redeemedbygrace24]

You will become one when you marry. Both of you should be standing in agreement when you marry on as many levels as possible. Your faith and beliefs should be the number one priority. Your children will need a solid belief system.

If you have issues with the bible, I pray that God will speak to your heart. I hope you both can undergo spiritual counseling. I wouldn't get married until you all find a resolution to this issue

 

[CounselorForChrist]

While I don't usually support unyolked couples really, I have to say you sound like a great catch for her. The fact you even have gone to church or involved yourself to some degree with christianity shows you are accepting and love her. It is true that couples tend to fight over raising the children when one is a believer and the other isn't. I can understand her fear but if you are serious as you say then she should be happy about it.

I can't tell you how exactly to get her to see you are serious. Maybe go to a christian counselor so she can see what you say it honest. If she hears it from another christian she might start to feel trusting of what you say. I would just continue to talk to her about it also. Tell her maybe that if you had no intention of raising them as christians you probably would have left by now. Because it seems to be the thing that sometimes splits up a couple before marriage.

I especially love that you don't believe in divorce. That is SOOO important as a couple. People give up to easy on marriage. I know I am a guy but I think you rock! I wish I could give you better advice though. I will keep you two in my prayers. I truly hope she sees how good of a man she is with.

 

[Matches]

Thanks guys for your support i guess it just seems like i will have to continue talking and doing my best but thanks again guys

 

[anthonys36593]

It sounds like you really love her and would do anything to stay with her. I can understand where you are coming from, I was in the same situation except the other way around. You said, "I have even began reading the bible with her every morning and going to church with her every Sunday" while don't get me wrong these things are good, they are useless in solving the problem.

She does not want you just to go through the motions of read/chant/praise. She wants you to enter into a real relationship with Jesus Christ.

Revelation 3:20
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me.

John 1:12-13
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God

 

[JCFantasy23]

While I don't usually support unyolked couples really, I have to say you sound like a great catch for her. The fact you even have gone to church or involved yourself to some degree with christianity shows you are accepting and love her.

I agree. Usually unyoked can't work but with what you laid out and being openminded as you are, etc., I think your relationship is an exception. Hope it works out well for both of you.

 

[amccoy]

The problem we have is that the last few months we have been having a HUGE issue where she believes there will be some kind of problem in the future raising children with me not having the same beliefs as her. I have agreed to raise our children as christians take them to church, read them bible story's and raise them with christian beliefs. I have even began reading the bible with her every morning and going to church with her every sunday. i am 100% supportive and still its not enough for her we are trying to work through it but obviously she still has issues with it! her main arguement being what will we say when our children ask why they have to be christian if daddy isn't.

So long as the relationship is being maintained righteously according to scripture she should not have an issue because at the end of the day you love her and she loves you. And although you don't ascribe to all her beliefs (at this time), you are doing far more than most expect. Technically, if you were to just do your duties as a man and respect her beliefs to the point you don't cause her to sin you'd be ok. You went the extra mile and her hope should be in you converting through her example. When it's time to explain to the kid what's going on, she should just jump into the scriptures and show precepts to let the kid know that although you're relationship isn't (spiritually) in sync, you are still keeping one of the greatest commandments Christ gave which is to love therefore, there's nothing unrighteous about the situation. She should keep her hope in you converting through time via her example, and there's nothing negative about the situation and she just needs to see that.

I know the situation might be more complex than that but at the end of the day, that would seem to be the righteous way of handling things. Let the kid know what you both agreed mutually to do for each other and she should let the child know that Christ is her head and not you since you're not 100% on board.

--Peace and blessings to you both and I hope that situation works out.

 

[abacabb]

Hello guys i need some help! i am a non-christian(i do believe in god but have issues with the bible) who is dating a christian. I have been dating this women for 4 years since high school. We have a great relationship and yes we do have fights but we always resolve them and like i said we have a great relationship. She has been a christian the entire time i have been with her and i have supported her in every way i could. I do not discredit her beliefs or ever try to change her mind. We have gone to church together.

The problem we have is that the last few months we have been having a HUGE issue where she believes there will be some kind of problem in the future raising children with me not having the same beliefs as her. I have agreed to raise our children as christians take them to church, read them bible story's and raise them with christian beliefs. I have even began reading the bible with her every morning and going to church with her every sunday. i am 100% supportive and still its not enough for her we are trying to work through it but obviously she still has issues with it! her main arguement being what will we say when our children ask why they have to be christian if daddy isn't. I just have no clue how to convince her that this wont be a problem or even a good response to this question. please help me figure out what to say to her or how to make her be ok with this whole situation.

I love this women and want to grow old with her i just really dont know if we can get through this please help me and give me a good response please no zealots screaming ur no good for her because im not christian or the like (I have seen plenty of bad christians and bad marriages from christian family's and if you think i would divorce her because i dont believe in the bible think again i dont believe in divorce i believe in working through your problems not quitting) please only helpful people thanks again.

Why don't you want to be a Christian for real, inside your heart? Or do you want to and just don't feel convinced of the whole thing?

 

[Inkachu]

Matches, while you sound like a very decent, reasonable guy, your g/f has completely understandable concerns. You can't convince her that "it won't be an issue" if you get married, because it will be an issue. A woman cannot totally give herself, her heart, her trust, to a man with diametrically opposed beliefs to hers. If she's a genuine Christian, then God is her lifeline, her source of strength, her source of right/wrong, her entire reason for existing. If she can't share that with her other half, her own husband, how could she expect to have a solid, secure, intimate marriage? If she's in a state of spiritual crisis one day, she can't come to you for wisdom or support from a Christian point of view; who is she to go to? If one of your children is having a crisis of sin, for example, who is she going to get support and advice from? It should be her husband, but if she's married to a non-believer, she's left without the foundation and pillar of strength she needs.

God doesn't tell us not to be unequally yoked for no reason. There are very good and solid reasons for it. And it would be insanely foolish to ignore that and plunge forward as if you know better than He does.