Understanding the other side

[wvmtnkid]

This phrase seems to come up alot in this forum: "I just don't understand them!" If it is a male poster, he is referring to females, and if it is a female, she is referring to males. Seems like we have a hard time understanding each other!!! Being the person that I am, I tend to turn to books for answers. I thought I would start a thread where we could post and talk about books you have read that have helped you gain some insight along the way about that mysterious other gender. What do you think? If we get some good responses, I'll sticky the thread so we can keep adding to it when we find a good read.

I'll start by adding the Mars and Venus books by Dr. John Gray. I haven't read all of them, but I did read a couple and they opened up some thoughts that made sense to me.

 

[Living4Him03]

Please Understand Me 2 by David Keirsey, it's the same as the first version, but more in depth. You take a personality quiz to find out what type you are, then you can read about your type as well as the other types, so that you can better understand all people It has been a very helpful book for me in understanding why my boyfriend does what he does and says what he says!

 

[klewlis]

"Wild at Heart" by John Eldrege

It's written for men to discover themselves but has a lot of great stuff to say to women too and I learned tons about men and about myself. I highly recommend it for ALL christians.

 

[mbuc]

This phrase seems to come up alot in this forum: "I just don't understand them!" If it is a male poster, he is referring to females, and if it is a female, she is referring to males. Seems like we have a hard time understanding each other!!!

 

[msjones21]

OooooO those dials and buttons are pretty! LOL

 

[Breetai]

Yup, that picture pretty much sums it up. Now if only you girls could figure out how to actually flip that one switch...

 

[fishstix]

Here's a thought; maybe the reason no one can understand "them" is because "them" is too general. All members of a gender aren't identical to each other. There is a huge amount of variability within a gender; so much so that I would say it is as difficult for an individual to understand "us" as it is to understand "them", simply because generalizing just doesn't work.

 

[Breetai]

Fishstix, what are you talking about? Of course they are all the same! What kind of stuff do they teach you in that dreadful place you are from?

 

[fishstix]

Fishstix, what are you talking about? Of course they are all the same! What kind of stuff do they teach you in that dreadful place you are from?

Not to believe anyone east of the border (The true them)

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

I like the picture
Yes, this thread could prove useful;
although, I haven't read any books
concerning these things. Yet.

 

[Nico]

Can we post ideas that we've thought of or quotes and the such rather than just titles? I've thought a lot about this issue. I go back and forth. I think partly b/c there are times when I understand men, and then I think that I don't. On the same side, I don't understand women either....I will say, for the guys that I got a taste of what it is like to be a boyfriend and mystified by women who seemingly out of the blue say "you don't love me" or something like that b/c one of my girlfriends did this to me the past weekend. Basically she assumed things, I assumed things, miscommunication happened, I apparently acted in a very insensitive way b/c I had no idea that I had hurt her feelings so when I didn't apologize (I didn't even know I had done something wrong in the first place) I wounded her even more. I realized though that it all came down to miscommunication. And I think that this is a big thing that happens between men and women. We need to say what we mean, when we feel something and say it clearly. Both sexes are bad at this. I don't know. I try to treat each person as an individual rather than a boy or a girl. Actually one thing that made an impact on me was when I took a class on schizophrenics, a group of people who many people don't understand. They do things, that those of a "sane" frame of mind can't follow or don't understand, but it doesn't mean that schizophrenics are stupid or aliens; they want the same things as we do. This one schizophrenic in a film I saw said that he took up art b/c it gave him something to do so that he would respect himself. And that he knew when he was walking down the street doing odd things, people looked at him like he was a freak. All he wanted was what you and I want--resepct, love, and a job. I think people need to think about treating other people, wether it is a different sex, race, religion, whatever, with respect and not like some freak show.

sorry, that kinda tangented.

 

[Donny_B]

The movies are a way to help in understanding the other side, or perhaps bringing about even more questions. Some classic romances in the movies that I can most identify with is Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump and Cast Away. Tom Hanks is the pernennial "nice guy" of the movies, who becomes surrounded by fate which is not very kind to him, but he seems to make the best of it.

In Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks portrays a simple man whose life revolves around his love for his mother and for his girl friend Jenny. Having met on the bus on the first day of school, Forrest and Jenny become best friends, like peas and carrots. After high school, while Forrest becomes a college football star, Vietnam War hero, millionaire, and celebrity ping pong player and cross-country runner, Jenny follows a much different path, is involved in the anti-war movement of the 60s and continues a dangerous lifestyle throughout the 70s that involves drugs and associating with men who abuse her. In the end, Forrest and Jenny marry, but Jenny has a terminal illness, probably from the lifestyle she has led, and she dies, leaving Forrest to raise their son. Why does Jenny keep leaving Forrest and associating with men who abuse her? Why does Jenny agree to marry Forrest only when she has a terminal illness? Would Jenny have married Forrest otherwise?

In Cast Away, Tom Hanks portrays Chuck Noland, a Fed Ex employee whose fiance is Helen Hunt. He gets called out right at Christmas only to crash in the Pacific Ocean and get shipwrecked for 4 years on a small deserted island. His only company is a volleyball, who he names "Wilson". After being rescued, and awaiting a reunion with Helen Hunt, he finds out she has married his dentist. Helen Hunt had to let Chuck go, she said. In the end, we see Tom Hanks at the crossroads of where the movie started, and perhaps he gets involved with the lady in the pickup truck. Why does Helen Hunt marry this dentist in the first place? Shouldn't Helen have divorced the dentist and gone back to Tom (Chuck)? Again, life doesn't seem fair to Tom in this movie, but at least he does have some hope at the end.

There are also some other Tom Hanks movies, You've Got Mail, and Sleepless in Seattle, which I actually have not seen. I wonder, does Tom Hanks' luck with romance improve in these movies?

 

[Stanfi]

One of the best ways to understand them. Is to have one of them that is a friend. I have a very good female friend who is married (Even though CF Postors tell me that we should not be friends!). Anyway, whenever I get confused by women I can go to her and tell her what is going on, and she will shed some light on the subject. Noone knows them better than one of them. Of course I have had a situation where I asked her about something, and her reply was "I have no idea what she is thinking!!" I knew I was in trouble them.

 

[wvmtnkid]

mbuc-I love the picture! Probably truer than I would like to admit.

Ok, I think maybe I see a new direction for the thread. Maybe not necessarily books, but advice in general. Books would still be good, because I am a big fan of books, but I think Nico has a good idea about maybe posting good old fashioned life experience, which mrstace followed up on nicely.

Ok, so new direction. Anything that you have that would lead to an understanding of "the other side". Books, tips, techniques. And let's keep it real. Something that you have learned along the way that helped you have an "a-ha" moment. Maybe it was something you learned the hard way. I don't know. I just think that the better we understand each other, the better our relationships will be and the better spouses we will make down the road.