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What are some ways to tell that your significant other may be underestimating you? Advice from guys and gals both would be helpful.
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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Underestimating
- Thread starter somethingBEAUTIFUL
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...or even being very inconsiderate or plain disrespectful. My boyfriend and I were talking about travel last night, and every place I mentioned (or have mentioned in the past), he said something negative about. I brought it to his attention, but he said he was just stating his opinion, or facts about the places. We more or less concluded I have a more adventurous spirit than he does. He agreed.........then went on to attribute it to the fact that I grew up in a small town.
He also will explain things/movies/events/music etc. to me as if I do not know about it, even if I insist or prove I do.
He also will explain things/movies/events/music etc. to me as if I do not know about it, even if I insist or prove I do.
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Nerd Girl Supreme
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Regardless of whether or not that's his "personality", if it bothers and upsets you, he should take that into consideration and try not to lecture you as if you're a child. I hope he listens to you and at least attempts to change his behavior a bit 
The only thing I can think of where my hubby might underestimate me (and I could be totally wrong), is in how intelligent I am. He is BRILLIANTLY smart when it comes to technology, and is very successful in everything he does in that arena. I am completely ignorant about that stuff, and when he attempts to explain stuff to me (like a project he's working on or something), I usually can only grasp a little of it before my eyes glaze over lol. However, "I" am extremely intelligent in other areas, like music, literature, history, etc. But since his career revolves around his passion, our lives and our conversations often revolve around his techy stuff, so I really don't get a chance to "shine" as far as my brains go. Sometimes I wonder if he really knows how flippin' smart I really am
The only thing I can think of where my hubby might underestimate me (and I could be totally wrong), is in how intelligent I am. He is BRILLIANTLY smart when it comes to technology, and is very successful in everything he does in that arena. I am completely ignorant about that stuff, and when he attempts to explain stuff to me (like a project he's working on or something), I usually can only grasp a little of it before my eyes glaze over lol. However, "I" am extremely intelligent in other areas, like music, literature, history, etc. But since his career revolves around his passion, our lives and our conversations often revolve around his techy stuff, so I really don't get a chance to "shine" as far as my brains go. Sometimes I wonder if he really knows how flippin' smart I really am
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CounselorForChrist
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My fiance is from a VERY small village in the Philippines. Her city has 3 streets. lol. I know she doesn't know alot in terms of thing outside of her country but I don't hut her feelings. A relationship means growing together. Shes smarter then she thinks though. If you seen the wedding invitations or things shes done you'd think is a professional.
I'd talk to him about his negative attitude. Even if he means well some people confuse the difference between saying your opinion and just being hurtful all the time with it. If you and him should marry, he has to also realize you become one. Yes you will have fights and trials together, but he can't be constantly hurting your feelings. If so it will just ruin any marriage you will have.
In easier terms you can't be selfish in marriage. It doens't sound like you and salt to his wounds, so he shouldn't add salt to yours so to speak. If he does then I'd question what your future would be like. I met a woman a few years ago basically kept a score chart of anything I did wrong. So whenever I messed up she would bring up that score sheet of what I did wrong. Even though I didn't do that to her. Eventually I felt like I was on egg shells. But I was blinded by love and didn't say much to her about it. I wish I would have and/or left her sooner since she didn't seem to car.e
I'm not saying leave him obviously, it takes work in a relationship. But he REALLY needs to change how he acts if expects to be a good husband. I'm always comforting my fiance and letting her know how much I love her, even when she may not understand everything. And she loves that I do that.
I'd talk to him about his negative attitude. Even if he means well some people confuse the difference between saying your opinion and just being hurtful all the time with it. If you and him should marry, he has to also realize you become one. Yes you will have fights and trials together, but he can't be constantly hurting your feelings. If so it will just ruin any marriage you will have.
In easier terms you can't be selfish in marriage. It doens't sound like you and salt to his wounds, so he shouldn't add salt to yours so to speak. If he does then I'd question what your future would be like. I met a woman a few years ago basically kept a score chart of anything I did wrong. So whenever I messed up she would bring up that score sheet of what I did wrong. Even though I didn't do that to her. Eventually I felt like I was on egg shells. But I was blinded by love and didn't say much to her about it. I wish I would have and/or left her sooner since she didn't seem to car.e
I'm not saying leave him obviously, it takes work in a relationship. But he REALLY needs to change how he acts if expects to be a good husband. I'm always comforting my fiance and letting her know how much I love her, even when she may not understand everything. And she loves that I do that.
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mina
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I would just tell him straight out that you feel disrespected or whatever when he says things like that or acts that way. Hopefully he will try to change what he is doing that hurts you. If he makes no effort or downplays your feelings all the time , then I would reconsider the relationship. Of course that depends if this is something new that he is doing or it's something that has gone on for a long time. In any case I would try to talk to him about it. He might have no idea that it bothers you as much as it does.
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CareyGreen
Marriage & family coach
Mina is right on target. There has to be mutual respect - and he may respect you plenty and just not realize he's not doing so practically. But if you bring it up and all you get is resistance or defensiveness... I'd reconsider the entire relationship.
I know... that's very hard to do. But sometimes (many times) the right thing is not the easy thing. Believe me... I have too many in my immediate family who have suffered the consequences of emotional relationship decisions instead of wise ones...
I'll pray for you.
I know... that's very hard to do. But sometimes (many times) the right thing is not the easy thing. Believe me... I have too many in my immediate family who have suffered the consequences of emotional relationship decisions instead of wise ones...
I'll pray for you.
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- Feb 25, 2007
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I appreciate your prayers VERY much. Due to the fact we likely won't see each other until the weekend due to me fighting off a virus and our distance (2.5 hrs.), would it be best to save this conversation when in person?
We have been dating for 13 months, and I feel as if he doesn't treat me quite like he did earlier on. it was like a dream at first, he had great concern for my feelings and well-being. It seems to have dwindled, especially when there is a gap between visits.
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Nerd Girl Supreme
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Awww, that's sad to hear, Something. It may be that this relationship has run its course, and you've both grown in different directions, and it's time to move on apart from each other. After more than a year of dating, things should be growing closer and more intimate and special, not be strained and awkward and unpleasant. Speaking from experience, I'd take all of what you've said as a pretty clear sign that it may be time to move on.
And yes, this is definitely an in-person conversation to have.
And yes, this is definitely an in-person conversation to have.
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CareyGreen
Marriage & family coach
I definitely think you should have the conversation in person... and do so with much prayer beforehand. He may not even be aware of how he's become (we guys can be pretty dense at times). Either way, you need to be prepared in your spirit.
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I have to laugh at the "guys are dense" line now, because my husband is constantly trying to throw "signals" at me when he wants something, and I'm clueless about what he's trying to do lol. I always tell him "SAY something to me, you have to SAY something", hehe.
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- Feb 25, 2007
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I have been praying a lot lately about this specifically. An ironic thing is, he bought me an engagement ring a month ago. Last week he mentioned getting married quite soon. I don't know though.
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CounselorForChrist
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Well he probably truly does love you, but may not notice how blunt he is. I've met blunt people who tell me up front sometimes what they say comes off as offensive because they are honest. Still though, no matter how honest you are you need to still be smart about comments when your with someone. They are not just a friend, they are your best friend.
Maybe one of the stipulations before engaging is that he has to work on his negative comments. If he doesn't want to work on them for you, then he should do it because its what God wants us to do!
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- Feb 25, 2007
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Yes, I believe he truly loves me. just need to have a heart- to- heart with him!
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- Feb 25, 2007
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Tonight on the phone he brought up our conversation last night and me getting upset. He admitted to his tendency to be terribly blunt at times, and told me he'd try being more thoughtful in the way he speaks to me. PTL
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CounselorForChrist
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Aww, well thats great to hear admitted it and will work on it. I pray God continues to bless you two then!
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- Feb 25, 2007
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Aww, well thats great to hear admitted it and will work on it. I pray God continues to bless you two then!
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words! We finally got to see one another this past weekend after 2-and-a-half weeks. It was SO nice!
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