Unconditional love issue

[sdmsanjose]

BY VG

It is absolutely wrong for any spouse in any marriage or anyone hoping to marry someday to expect or even hope that they are loved with the kind of love that only God can give. What a huge burden to place onto someone - and what a huge burden to carry into a marriage. If anyone here expects that they can love their spouse like God loves the church, they are deluding themselves.

Then agape love drove him to the cross, and honestly, I do not believe any of us alive can fully understand what that love is. Even a small glimpse of understanding is so overwhelming that it cannot be put into words. No, he does not expect us to have agape love for anyone; he knows we are unable.

But that does not stop his expectation that we grow into his love, mature in it and pursue it. But it is fully impossible to achieve.


By Dave

Your post denies the power of the Holy Spirit and His Grace in us. It is as you say - impossible in our selves; but the Holy Spirit can love like that thru us NOW.






By VG

I am a realist. I do not deny the power of the Spirit. I deny our power to allow the Spirit to fully live in us.

“so God's condition is that some (but desiring all) would come to knowledge of him and be reconciled to him through Christ. I do not believe in unconditional love because even God's sacrificial love had an expected outcome from us (the church).​

Valley Gal does such a great job of explaining this unconditional love stuff that almost nothing is left for me to say. However, I will say that even salvation is not unconditional. Salvation is one of the ultimate goals of God and that is not even unconditional in that you have to confess and have real faith.


Romans 10:9

9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

Matthew 10:32-33

32 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.

33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven



Dave, unconditional love in marriage is very good for the romance novels and movies but I have never seen unconditional love in marriage have you?
You are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment if you expect unconditional love in a marriage. IMO

 

[dinonum]

I have heard some teaching on unconditional love in marriage and would like to move it one step forward as a discussion.

This is not about cases of adultery or physical abuse, in which there is certainly reason for separation. There is also the reason given in I Cor 7 about a spouse not being a Christian. However, that instruction is passive: let them leave. A separation is not pursued.

This actually comes from hearing the best presentation I've ever heard on conditional love in marriage; stating that if the spouse is not doing their duty (a marriage is an agreement or contract to a certain extent, and this is usually reflected in the vows), then the affected partner is free to go. The speaker said he's never seen unconditional love actually help a marriage be great.

What he didn't talk about is that the partner crying foul may have moved goalposts or standards. In other words, when I have heard this reason for leaving a marriage, the complaint is that the partner is not currently what the 'plaintiff' wanted. I don't hear the complaint refer back to beliefs they had when married, but of course my experience is limited, not being in a position to hear case after case.

My point is that before a person opens the pandora's box of leaving a marriage for his conditional reason, there should be some very solid work done with a counselor clarifying what was agreed to begin with (and whether a person measures up to that) or what is to be the standard going forward. (Do we seriously think our partner could control everything that happens over two decades?)

When I realized this flaw in what the conditional love speaker was saying, I realized that the 1.5 reasons of Christ and Paul were more divinely-intended than ever. If you (currently) want your spouse to be or do something they have no aptitude for, you need to allow time and forebearance to get there.

I believe that it's important for unconditional love to exist, but that doesn't meant that expectations suddenly disappear and are not important. We had a discussion about this topic recently because someone claimed that they loved the really dramatic flaws in their ex, like "I love you because your 'issues' make you who you are". That sounded reasonable to her, and it was really painful to hear. My husband is bipolar, so there are some difficult times in our home. I don't love my husband because he is bipolar, the reality is that I love him in spite of his bipolar disorder, which is sometimes destructive and causes us pain. Getting him on medication was a chore that required some rock bottom moments. My love for him is unconditional, but that didn't mean that the destruction of our family due to ignoring an issue was something I would allow.

I think that we also have to examine what our expectations are. Sometimes they are selfish or maybe they are to benefit the other person, but that person just isn't in the right mindset to meet them yet. I think we have to love the other person enough to let them grow on their own sometimes, which is what was said at the end "allow [the] time and forebearance to get there" is really practical marriage and relationship advice.