Hello All!
I'm in a relationship with a man that has been married twice before, both times ending because his significant other cheated on him (he suffers from ED and he used to have a severe anger problem). ( I know, I know, divorce is bad.... but I'm willing to look past his past, as it were)
Back to the situA on hand. We've been together for 2 years, and during the last few months, he has come to an end of himself and has really been searching after God. He was a Christian before, but only knew the vengence and scary side of God. He's never known God as a caring and loving Father. He's been going to my church and has shown a complete 180 turn around in his attitude towards me and other people.
He's even mentioned the subject of marriage, something he had shied away from even having casual discussions about in the past, and if we had the discussions, it was alll negative. We've begun talking about marriage in a very positive way, until last night...everything backtracked.
We were at church and I wanted to show him the fellowship hall because I figured that would be the best place to have a reception....not being pushy, just seeing what he thought. He knows I already have things planned out for a wedding (stuff i've had since i was like 10) and he knows me and my two younger sisters enjoy watching Bridezilla, etc on tv (haha). And when we do get married, i want him involved, not just sitting bored on the side lines... and he's even said himself that when we get married he wants a real ceremony because his other marriages were at the county courthouse.....
at any rate, I showed it to him and he seemed very....fidgety and wanted to go back into the sanctuary and sit and he didn't even really look at the room. I was like, well okay thats fine. and didn't think anything of it until we were eating after church and I told him "I hope you didn't think I was trying in any way to rush you or push anything on you. I just wnated you to see the room and tell me if you thought it was pretty or not." and he goes, "oh no, its a beautiful room.....I was just tired and wanted to sit down". So I kinda just shrugged it off....
Later that night when we were sitting watching tv, we were watching som commercial about an evil wife and a whimp of a husband, and i was like, man, I hope I'm never like that when i'm a wife." and he asked me, "Why do you want to marry me any way?" and I explained to him, "You know that pull in your chest when you were little and you wanted something SOOOOOOOO BAD that you could feel it ripping a hole inside your heart?" and he said yeahhh, and I said, Thats why. When I think about you and I think about our life together as being married, thats how I feel... I ache inside... i want that blessing for us so much. Is that how you feel for me?" and he said, "No, all I feel is fear. I think of all my failures and I just can't fail again..." and so I said "Well, I will tell you this, if you look to me for all your answers, you will fail. I will fail you. If we look to God, and keep our eyes on him, we won't. it's that simple" and he just kinda shrugged and fell silent.
I'm just really confused.... I'm not being pushy, I've let him come to this marriage thing on his own, but he knows since we began our relationship, i dont date to date. I date because I know God has the man I'm supposed to marry out there, andI truly feel my significant other is for me. I do realize he thinks lowly of himself and I don't want to be married until he's emotionally and spiritually ready. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, unless God tells me otherwise.... but does that make me wrong for looking around and not waiting til the last minute to make plans for that day? I guess I should keep my plans to myself until he actually asks me.... i dont know
I've always been looking for the best deals, because we will be paying for this wedding ourselves, and I've never let on to him that I have been looking...
I'm not sure whats going on, but he seemed to be making such,.... i guess progress, that i thought i could bring up the subject to him myself, since he had mentioned he wanted to be married to me....
grr. Help.
I'm in a relationship with a man that has been married twice before, both times ending because his significant other cheated on him (he suffers from ED and he used to have a severe anger problem). ( I know, I know, divorce is bad.... but I'm willing to look past his past, as it were)
Back to the situA on hand. We've been together for 2 years, and during the last few months, he has come to an end of himself and has really been searching after God. He was a Christian before, but only knew the vengence and scary side of God. He's never known God as a caring and loving Father. He's been going to my church and has shown a complete 180 turn around in his attitude towards me and other people.
He's even mentioned the subject of marriage, something he had shied away from even having casual discussions about in the past, and if we had the discussions, it was alll negative. We've begun talking about marriage in a very positive way, until last night...everything backtracked.
We were at church and I wanted to show him the fellowship hall because I figured that would be the best place to have a reception....not being pushy, just seeing what he thought. He knows I already have things planned out for a wedding (stuff i've had since i was like 10) and he knows me and my two younger sisters enjoy watching Bridezilla, etc on tv (haha). And when we do get married, i want him involved, not just sitting bored on the side lines... and he's even said himself that when we get married he wants a real ceremony because his other marriages were at the county courthouse.....
at any rate, I showed it to him and he seemed very....fidgety and wanted to go back into the sanctuary and sit and he didn't even really look at the room. I was like, well okay thats fine. and didn't think anything of it until we were eating after church and I told him "I hope you didn't think I was trying in any way to rush you or push anything on you. I just wnated you to see the room and tell me if you thought it was pretty or not." and he goes, "oh no, its a beautiful room.....I was just tired and wanted to sit down". So I kinda just shrugged it off....
Later that night when we were sitting watching tv, we were watching som commercial about an evil wife and a whimp of a husband, and i was like, man, I hope I'm never like that when i'm a wife." and he asked me, "Why do you want to marry me any way?" and I explained to him, "You know that pull in your chest when you were little and you wanted something SOOOOOOOO BAD that you could feel it ripping a hole inside your heart?" and he said yeahhh, and I said, Thats why. When I think about you and I think about our life together as being married, thats how I feel... I ache inside... i want that blessing for us so much. Is that how you feel for me?" and he said, "No, all I feel is fear. I think of all my failures and I just can't fail again..." and so I said "Well, I will tell you this, if you look to me for all your answers, you will fail. I will fail you. If we look to God, and keep our eyes on him, we won't. it's that simple" and he just kinda shrugged and fell silent.
I'm just really confused.... I'm not being pushy, I've let him come to this marriage thing on his own, but he knows since we began our relationship, i dont date to date. I date because I know God has the man I'm supposed to marry out there, andI truly feel my significant other is for me. I do realize he thinks lowly of himself and I don't want to be married until he's emotionally and spiritually ready. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, unless God tells me otherwise.... but does that make me wrong for looking around and not waiting til the last minute to make plans for that day? I guess I should keep my plans to myself until he actually asks me.... i dont know
I've always been looking for the best deals, because we will be paying for this wedding ourselves, and I've never let on to him that I have been looking...
I'm not sure whats going on, but he seemed to be making such,.... i guess progress, that i thought i could bring up the subject to him myself, since he had mentioned he wanted to be married to me....
grr. Help.
for you guys!
