TWO POEMS

[BenDare]

HANG
GLIDER

Earthbound
folded up in self
designed for open sky
but powerless i lay in
darkness

Somewhere
came a breeze that whispered
Stretch your wings. Unfold in faith
and I will lift you up in
sunlight.

Trembling
feet stepped out on nothing-
ness. Then earth and earthly things re-
ceded far below as I was lifted
upward.

Gliding
swiftly over doubts
that long had caused me fear I trace
my shadow on the clouds and learn
assurance.

Unseen
Power fills this fragile kite
and I securely sail within/upon
the Wing for whom I was
created.


EFFECTUAL PRAYER

With eyes clenched tight against the light
The preacher prayed for rain.
"Reveal Thy power, O God, this hour.
Today relieve our pain!"
The brassy sky gave no reply.
An empty stillness fell.
A hot wind blew.It seemed he knew
The mockibg breath of hell.

"Lord Jesus, why?" It was a cry
only a child would make.
Then He who hears all of our tears,
fow His own child's sake,
sent cool, refreshing rain.

 

[bubblegirl0101]

Awesome poems! These are some of my favorites in here You should post some more if you want.

 

[yakkmeister]

The first isn't so much a poem.
Sure it has a fancy layout (and nicely done at that) but it lacks rythm and really reads more like prose.

there is no shame in a short snippet of text; a bundle of prose, a ball of literacy goodness.

But it isn't a poem, unless it is of some form that I am unfamilar with (which is possible)

The second seems to suffer the same fate at first glance, but this one rhymes.

The rythm is not terribly good here, it's jaunted and tends to jar the reading none to softly.
I don't think that such was your intent; if it was, it worked.

May I be so bold as to impose upon you to undertake a poem written in the form of a sonnet?
Any style sonnet will do.
sonnets.org is a great place to learn about these short, sweet literary gems.
I honestly believe you could make a good sonnet; especially given the serenity conveyed by "Hang Glider".

 

[Blessed-one]

wow, very good feedback there yakkmeister.

i like "Effectual Prayer", that contrast with tears and rain.

 

[BenDare]

Comment by the author: "Glider" is a bit strange. Its shape was an experiment trying to echo the shape of a real hang glider. There is purpose for each unconventional variation. It is not great literature, but has several characteristics that ,I think, make it more than poetic prose.

"PRAYER" is a response to those earnest people who think that faith enables them to demand things from God. There is an intentionally sharp contrast between the pray-er's attitudes at first and at the end of the poem.
Could I have a comment on MIRACLES ? BD

 

[yakkmeister]

I will look at miracles.

Also - the juxstaposition you wanted from effectual prayer is understandable, only the execution was, at this point, let down somewhat.

Perhaps you should do more on this theme?