Two different responses to topic; posted by female versus same one posted by male

[Questioning Christian]

This topic was posted by a female about sexual temptation and sin:

http://www.christianforums.com/t5009904-coming-out-this-is-such-a-hard-thing.html

71 responses; 1506 views; Last post - Today 7:47 am

_____________________________


Same exact topic, posted by a male

http://www.christianforums.com/t5227407-please-help-me.html
7 responses; 53 views; Last post - Yesterday 8:36 am
... AND it's on the bottom of page 2, while the woman's is on the bottom of page 1 of the topic list


I do realize that the female's topic was started in the third week of March, but it's been posted in with much more frequency than the one by the male.

Remember when I said that when women have these problems, it's all love, support, and understanding, but when the guys have these problems, it's all accusations, putting them on a watch, etc?

Well, the responses to the guy have been good, but I think it's kinda hypocritical that people give so much more overwhelming support when women go through the same thing, and basically don't give that to men. I think it's completely shameful that men are not entitled to be supported through their weaknesses and struggles.

Don't y'all?


... so I WAS right

 

[jrlinz]

Hey, QC, not that I am feeling sorry for myself, but in reality, when have I ever gotten support from anyone when I was having problems. There were a few short periods when i was in groups that were trustworthy, but getting it from just anyone? Not for a healthy, strong male. It just don't happen much. Gotta rely on the father.

 

[Questioning Christian]

So ... women get the support God provided from the Body, but men have to rely on the Father. I hope I understood that right; don't want to misread you.

 

[jrlinz]

I do not think it should be that way, but it always has been for me. I tell you, if I made a connection with someone who I could see genuinely felt for me when I was hurting, I probably would have cried, tears would have welled, for the first time in my memory.

 

[c1ners]

We as women feel the need to help out another female in need. Whereas, we would be over stepping our boundaries if we helped a male with that same situation.

The male should be helped by other males. Plain and simple.

 

[jrlinz]

Yes, Ma'am. It would surely lead to temptation for many if women when about supporting men having problems. I, for my part, have always tried to reach out to men (well, always since I met Jesus), but it is pretty uncommon among men. When something goes wrong at home, my wife generally turns on me and demands I 'fix' the problem. Not exactly the way I respond to her problems.

 

[c1ners]

Yes, Ma'am. It would surely lead to temptation for many if women when about supporting men having problems. I, for my part, have always tried to reach out to men (well, always since I met Jesus), but it is pretty uncommon among men. When something goes wrong at home, my wife generally turns on me and demands I 'fix' the problem. Not exactly the way I respond to her problems.

Why do I get the feeling that you're mocking me?

 

[jrlinz]

I don't know. I can tell you that I am not the world's best communicator, but am sincere. I am definately not mocking you. Maybe because of what I said about temptation? I believe that, and a man and woman should not be so vulnerable to each other, unless married or related. It IS dangerous.

 

[c1ners]

I don't know. I can tell you that I am not the world's best communicator, but am sincere. I am definately not mocking you. Maybe because of what I said about temptation? I believe that, and a man and woman should not be so vulnerable to each other, unless married or related. It IS dangerous.

Okay, I'm not the best at communicating myself.

The way I see it is that men are normally afraid of approaching a subject like that. Women, on the other hand, just want to fix everything. Except for kitchen sinks. We leave that up to you men.

 

[geetrue]

If you can understand women you can understand God and no one can understand God ... lol

Women understand women's problems and feel their pain, they can identify in ways that men can't.

Men have problems with opening up to other men. Fear of appearing weak or the intimacy between two men is not the same as it is with women.

The topics about sex in general draw a large crowd ... only God can figure that one out, but I bet it has something to do with the little secrect area in our soul that craves the hidden mysteries of forbidden fruit.

Keep on analysing them Question Christian so I can read your findings ... Hey, I love ya brother isn't that what were suppose to do.

Analictical people always seem to have the same problem ...
they're either right or wrong ... humor helps.

 

[Tamara224]

I think the difference just boils down to the difference between the way men handle problems and the way women handle problems.

Men tend to talk much less about things. When confronted with a problem, they seek out an answer and implement it. They generally seek out the advice of one or two respected people.

Women need to talk and talk and talk some more before we are ready to do anything. Talking helps. Thus, when we are confronted with a problem, we talk it through, several times and seek input from many people.

These differences translate into different approaches to handling someone else's problems as well.

Women tend to be much more apt to jump in and start talking it over - give advice, listen, give some more advice, tell a similar story, etc.

Men, it seems to me, tend to spend much less time commiserating with each other and try to either divert the sufferer's attention to something else or fix the problem with practical immediate solutions. They then pretty much stop talking about it.

When men and women deal with people of the opposite sex, I think we change our approach to try to compensate for that fact. Women don't understand what a man needs/wants; likewise, men don't understand what a woman needs/wants.

In the cases of the OP, basically, what I'm trying to say is that the women replied to the women's thread much more extensively than they did to the man's thread. Since women talk more, that thread was longer. Women were hesitant to respond to the man's thread on a similar issue (for obvious and good common sense reasons) and so the thread suffered brevity due to lack of female participation.

It is just the natural consequences of the fact that men and women approach problems from different angles. I don't think it is "hypocritical" - it's just natural. It doesn't mean that men's problems are less important, or that men need less support (although I know plenty of men who would argue that is the case).

I don't know how accurate I am in all of my observations. And, keep in mind, it is all generalizations - it won't all be true for every person.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[jrlinz]

Of course, you are right, Geetrue. I have no doubts about my manhood, am not outwardly afraid of getting close (not physically, or course) with men. but it somehow seems there is this closed gate, and I can't find the key. It is sooo much easier to really feel empathy deeply for a woman, and to display it. The problem is, I know myself. I believe in marriage very strongly. I may flirt a little, but I avoid temptation. When I have found myself alone with a woman, for some time, I have no trouble remembering I am married, she may be, etc... but, if I ever felt a woman really felt for me, for all the pain and loneliness I have endured, and abuse, even though I have forgiven, and given it all to God, I know the temptation would be at an extreme, serious, critical level. Tangible. I think it would be like this for most guys, although I wouldn't expect them to admit it.

 

[ANM29]

I understand where you are coming from QC.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is very not trusting of men. Also, we believe men to be 'Strong' so I think we are less likely to jump in and try to help. This is because Society has told us Men don't need help, and Men themselves don't realize they continue to make that APPEAR true to others.

I have been in situations where I wanted to help a man and he has said, "Ah, I can handle this..I got this" So, this makes me believe the hype. I assume, "Ok, you all really do have it altogether so I will treat you as you do". Men don't open up the way women do.

Women are seen as the weaker sex and helpless. We are the ones most likely needing protection from men. I hate to say it, but we know this is true in many cases. So, we have to watch over women in a way we don't men. Many men take advantage of the 'power' they have as men in this world and use it to their advantage in many situations against women and children. I am not saying all men are this way, but we know what happens in the world. Unfortunately, women can't really speak out against it because then we are labeled male bashers. So, that is another issue altogether.

I think in the cases when children are small, we still have the mentality that 'boy' children don't need as much attention as the girls. We tend to give the girls more attention, and tell the boys "Don't cry, be a big boy"..this follows them in life I am sure. I am not a man, so I can't speak for them..but I want to believe this has an effect on them on top of society and also the Pride that they have from just being men in general.

Men, I think you all need to become more 'open'. As Christian men, you have a rock now you may have not had before. You have the Lord who answers prayers and who is waiting for you to ask for help in many ways.
Maybe you should consider asking God to help you be more open and open up the eyes of others so they can SEE YOUR PAIN and RELATE! It is not that don't believe you hurt men, we know you have the same issues we as women have..You can't continue to allow the enemy to work with your ego and pride to convince you that you are the ONLY one who has the pains and hurts you have. You are not. Many right around you are suffering from some of the same thing you are or have dealt with and are just waiting for you to open up and say, "I hurt here too, That is my issue too, Let us stick together and pray about it as brother in Christ".

I think we have not because we ask not too. Men have allowed Satan to trap them in their thought life and convince them that there is NO HELP and no way out of their situations.

I understand, and many other women and men understand. It is time to fight for what the enemy is trying to steal from you and take it back in Jesus name.

Amen!

 

[Questioning Christian]

So what about the OP I started about these two separate topics, one by the male, and one by the female? That was the point of what I wrote.

I think that when men have sin in their lives, they hold it in and don't take it to anyone to talk about, and they keep these secrets inside them because they fear that if they tell, they will be judged and labeled as a pervert for the rest of their lives.

What if Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Roberts Liardon, and Ted Haggard had people they could have confided in? Could their sin have been avoided before it was too late?

Men live with shame and condemnation every day, and the Lord wants to bring them out of it. The Lord wants to set them free as the sin is brought into the light and dealt with.

I think that the reason many men have more of a problem with certain sins is because while women find comfort and shelter dealing with those issues, men find rejection, disdain, evil looks, whispers and gossip.

Is it any wonder they're afraid to come and confess?

 

[Questioning Christian]

Well, I checked again, and the female's topic is mid-page-3, and the guy's topic is mid-page-4. So, nobody's gone and posted on the guy's topic to encourage him.

I'm wondering if I'm just going in circles here.

 

[ANM29]

So what about the OP I started about these two separate topics, one by the male, and one by the female? That was the point of what I wrote.

I think that when men have sin in their lives, they hold it in and don't take it to anyone to talk about, and they keep these secrets inside them because they fear that if they tell, they will be judged and labeled as a pervert for the rest of their lives.

What if Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Roberts Liardon, and Ted Haggard had people they could have confided in? Could their sin have been avoided before it was too late?

Men live with shame and condemnation every day, and the Lord wants to bring them out of it. The Lord wants to set them free as the sin is brought into the light and dealt with.

I think that the reason many men have more of a problem with certain sins is because while women find comfort and shelter dealing with those issues, men find rejection, disdain, evil looks, whispers and gossip.

Is it any wonder they're afraid to come and confess?

I agree with you. Men find rejection if they speak out and say they have a problem, but that is only with people who are judgmental and who have no compassion or mercy. You will find many of those in our churches today. All they will get is a whole bunch of scriptures thrown at them, and the bible thumped in their faces as if the Grace of God is not enough to take away their sins too.

It is also because society just does not trust men in general. They don't get a lot of compassion, it is a sad reality.

Men have to also stop making it appear as if they don't need help. You are one of the few men I know who is even able to articulate the issue the way you do. Most men will never even say out loud that they feel rejected and hurt by this.

Men are seen as perverts in general. When you continue to hear and see shows and cases of men who are sexually abusive, etc..it just adds to society distrust and unconcern for men too.

I have asked God to give me compassion for men. There was a time I didn't have any at all because of my own personal experiences. Now, I actually feel sorry for them to a certain extent.

This is a touchy subject. Most people prefer to not even 'go there' as we see there are not many comments on this thread.

I am so tired of the phoniness and fakeness in churches today. I find very few Christians who are being real about ANY subject that relates to everyday life. Everybody is walking around singing, "Oh, I got the victory" and they can't even sit down and have a conversation with another member in church.

No wonder men can't and don't open up...I would not either!

 

[Questioning Christian]

I do realize that the majority of the abusers ARE male. So I understand why men are mistrusted. But however, I wonder if there's a corrolary between men feeling closed off, and their propensity to be more likely offenders.

 

[ANM29]

I do realize that the majority of the abusers ARE male. So I understand why men are mistrusted. But however, I wonder if there's a corrolary between men feeling closed off, and their propensity to be more likely offenders.

I can't answer that question, that is a very good question. I wonder that myself actually.

I personally don't even know where to begin with that. I don't think most men will even feel they could honest enough to EVER answer that question. So, the problem still never gets handled...oh boy! ..which leads us back to the original question you asked..


You are a man, what do you suggest we do to be more inviting to men and more open??...Please, help me to understand this too. I actually want to understand this kind of stuff, I really do.

 

[pilgrimage]

This topic was posted by a female about sexual temptation and sin:

http://www.christianforums.com/t5009904-coming-out-this-is-such-a-hard-thing.html

71 responses; 1506 views; Last post - Today 7:47 am

_____________________________


Same exact topic, posted by a male

http://www.christianforums.com/t5227407-please-help-me.html
7 responses; 53 views; Last post - Yesterday 8:36 am
... AND it's on the bottom of page 2, while the woman's is on the bottom of page 1 of the topic list


I do realize that the female's topic was started in the third week of March, but it's been posted in with much more frequency than the one by the male.

Remember when I said that when women have these problems, it's all love, support, and understanding, but when the guys have these problems, it's all accusations, putting them on a watch, etc?

Well, the responses to the guy have been good, but I think it's kinda hypocritical that people give so much more overwhelming support when women go through the same thing, and basically don't give that to men. I think it's completely shameful that men are not entitled to be supported through their weaknesses and struggles.

Don't y'all?


... so I WAS right

Why do you think women should be supporting men in this? Why not ask why the males aren't being supportive. Let's respect the differences here, eh.

 

[Questioning Christian]

Pilgrimage

You've misrepresented my position. I said nothing about gender-specific support. I said only that PEOPLE generally are a lot quicker to give support and comfort to women, and reserve judgment and condemnation for men in the same situation.

People are slower to help men than they are women. So then we wonder why so many men have these problems, when if we'd look, the answer's staring us dead in the face.

It is that men know they cannot go to other people, in the same way that women can go to other people. Women are told, "you poor dear; it's all right, honey" while men are either shunned or put down for the exact same thing that women go through.

Then, when the man has no one to go to [while the woman has the great network of support] for fear of being outcast and ostracized, it boils inside him, festering until the sin is so great that it can no longer be prevented.

And these same women who label men as "perverts" [for having the same problem they've had] are the very ones who've received mercy from God [because they were able to open up and find freedom] and help from their fellow Body Of Christ members. What woman among you has not had some kind of sexual temptation or problem which could turn into a sin problem, you who have received mercy?

To whom much [mercy] is given, much [mercy] is also required.

I think some of the posts in this topic have been far too dismissive and shallow. This is a subject that does NOT deserve a light treatment.

This topic was posted by a female about sexual temptation and sin:

http://www.christianforums.com/t5009904-coming-out-this-is-such-a-hard-thing.html

71 responses; 1506 views; Last post - Today 7:47 am

_____________________________


Same exact topic, posted by a male

http://www.christianforums.com/t5227407-please-help-me.html
7 responses; 53 views; Last post - Yesterday 8:36 am
... AND it's on the bottom of page 2, while the woman's is on the bottom of page 1 of the topic list


I do realize that the female's topic was started in the third week of March, but it's been posted in with much more frequency than the one by the male.

Remember when I said that when women have these problems, it's all love, support, and understanding, but when the guys have these problems, it's all accusations, putting them on a watch, etc?

Well, the responses to the guy have been good, but I think it's kinda hypocritical that people give so much more overwhelming support when women go through the same thing, and basically don't give that to men. I think it's completely shameful that men are not entitled to be supported through their weaknesses and struggles.

Don't y'all?


... so I WAS right