Its so hard to remember what it felt like back then when I was in so much pain its only now I am starting to feel the real emotion & pain of what happened to me back then.
At the moment I have an emotional block somewhere & I am beginning to think that it happened when I was just 5 years old, maybe even younger.
My mother was never the loving type she was the strong one who would stand for no messing from anyone especially my father she would fight back with him when he physically abused her.
To everyone on the outside world she would be seen as being too strict with her children especially my older brother and sister there is about 8 years between us, because I was abused from a very early age I never got to know what a real mother was suppose to look like and what she was suppose to do.
It wasnt until I got to the age of 7 when I started to fight back which meant I was harder to abuse because I wouldnt just sit there and let them do things to me like I did when he first began at the age of three years old.
By the time I was 5 yrs old I stopped crying and shown my anger I was what they used to call A crazy child because I would have so many tantrums in the shops I guess back then I just wanted someone to make them stop what they were doing to me.
By the time I was 7 yrs old the violence and abuse got worse because I was fighting back they couldnt control me as much as they could do before but they always won in the end because even though I was fighting with them they were the adults and they still got the better of me.
Some say that no matter how much I fought back they were always going to get the better of me.
So many times I hit & kicked who ever was raping me at the time & by this time several different people were hurting me both men & women. If I fought with them they would hurt me more I am sure that was just to get me back for fighting them.
Can you imagine a 7 year old fighting anyone??
My mother used to tell me after something had happened she loved me but what did that actually mean??
How can she justify love with hurting your child??
Did I mean anything to her??
At the moment I have an emotional block somewhere & I am beginning to think that it happened when I was just 5 years old, maybe even younger.
My mother was never the loving type she was the strong one who would stand for no messing from anyone especially my father she would fight back with him when he physically abused her.
To everyone on the outside world she would be seen as being too strict with her children especially my older brother and sister there is about 8 years between us, because I was abused from a very early age I never got to know what a real mother was suppose to look like and what she was suppose to do.
It wasnt until I got to the age of 7 when I started to fight back which meant I was harder to abuse because I wouldnt just sit there and let them do things to me like I did when he first began at the age of three years old.
By the time I was 5 yrs old I stopped crying and shown my anger I was what they used to call A crazy child because I would have so many tantrums in the shops I guess back then I just wanted someone to make them stop what they were doing to me.
By the time I was 7 yrs old the violence and abuse got worse because I was fighting back they couldnt control me as much as they could do before but they always won in the end because even though I was fighting with them they were the adults and they still got the better of me.
Some say that no matter how much I fought back they were always going to get the better of me.
So many times I hit & kicked who ever was raping me at the time & by this time several different people were hurting me both men & women. If I fought with them they would hurt me more I am sure that was just to get me back for fighting them.
Can you imagine a 7 year old fighting anyone??
My mother used to tell me after something had happened she loved me but what did that actually mean??
How can she justify love with hurting your child??
Did I mean anything to her??
I know you have to wait for therapy.. I hope that you get some real help soon.
