Turning back

[mich_ellie]

I told myself to forget about this, and I actually did. Seeing all this just brought back some horrible memories. I would like to just get them out, so here it is.. (Sorry it's kinda long... It's the whole thing)
I started dating this guy in June. I made this promise the summer before that I would honor God in my relationships. I had heard all these stories of woman who didn't even kiss their husband until their wedding day. I realized that the right guy would wait for me.
he first day I met this guy was at school. Then, the next day he came up to me and said my name, asking me how I was. I was surprised he remembered my name. I helped him with his social studies, but we got side tracked talking about guitar. I actually liked the guy a lot. That day he asked me to go for supper the next day, and I was so stoked.
We talked a lot about each other. We spent a lot of time together the next week, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. That same Saturday he went to church with me and we help hands... But his didnt seem to fit in mine, like they were too big or bony. He was amazing- he liked me a lot, and we talked about God... We wanted Him to be the center of our relationship.
Now is the hard part to say.
We went to his house after school about 3 weeks into our relationship. We took a walk to a park, played guitar, and he asked if he could kiss me, leaned in, and it happened. First boyfriend I ever kissed (Actually, first boyfriend!) It was very long...
We went back to his house, his mom ordered a pizza, and she went to work. I trusted this guy. I really liked him. We took the pizza up to his room- I stopped in the doorway... My best friends mom always said to NEVER go into a room alone with a guy, but I ignored it. We watched the first 5 minutes of the movie, when he completely grabbed my head to turn to his and kissed me, but it felt more forceful than before.
This is horrible, and I should have stopped him, but I was frozen, I felt helpless and couldn't control anything... I have no idea what happened, it was like my brain shut off.
He touched me in places I was never touched before... He didn't rape me, but I feel like he may as well have done it.
I think he would have gone farther, he was about to... taking his belt off... but his phone rang, and it was his youth pastor asking him if he was going to come to youth, so we started walking to the church (THANK YOU GOD).
I STILL HELD HIS HAND. I realized, it didn't fit. I hadn't said a word, and he even asked me if anything was wrong, I still couldn't speak. When we were at his youth I couldn't feel like myself. I had to do something... I couldn't get a ride home from him, so I called my youth leader, just asking for a ride. My 'boyfriend' asked me why I didn't want a ride home. We sat in the stair well shortly after I called my youth leader, and he tried to kiss me, I avoided it and went downstairs to wait for my ride.
She picked me up, and I started crying, I couldn't tell her anything, I just said something happened and when we got to my driveway, she prayed. She asked that whatever happened, it would go away. I went inside and spent the next few days being depressed.
I never told anyone... Sure, I told my friends I broke up because we went a little too far, but I never told them any more than that.
I wish I could, but I can't. I feel as if I am lying, but it's all too true. It scares me.

 

[Johnnz]

That was not a nice experience at all - wrong, frightening, forced. He had planned what he did I reckon.

Don't beat up on yourself. Learn from that experience. It would be great if you could talk with a suitable person and have some prayer.

John
NZ

 

[RuthD]

There are many men out there who want to have sex right away. I have told some men that I did not want a sexual relationship with them because they were friends and that is all I wanted them to be. Still some have came onto me. I felt bad because I thought who do they think I am and who do they think they are. You did the right thing to get away from him. That was very brave of you. And it is true not to be alone with a man unless you know him very good and can trust him. Waiting for marriage is the right thing to do so you know he really cares, loves and respects you. You should be honored as a woman. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you respected yourself enough to get away from him. He is the one who should feel the guilt and not you. Best regards to you.

 

[mich_ellie]

Johnnz- I really don't think he planned it. Mostly because he had no way of knowing his mom would be going out.
The whole summer I couldn't even look at his face. Then, he called me. I had no idea it was him, so I answered. It was him, asking me for a ride to go to youth. I couldn't just tell him he wasn't allowed to go, but I was getting a ride from someone else, anyways. I felt pretty upset, and when they asked what was up I just said that the guy called me and wanted to go to youth. They knew it was hard for me, but they couldn't understand.
When I saw him at youth I completely panicked. I did say hi to him, and then I got really nervous. I had an asthma attack and didn't see him the rest of the night. The next week at youth there was the chance for people to share what God has done in there life.
I watched as my ex-boyfriend walked up to take the mic. He told this story of how he was addicted to drugs and he tried suicide a bunch of times. Just before I started dating him he became close to God, threw out the drugs, and went back to live with his mom (He moved from England to Canada).
I don't exactly want to talk to him right now. I still have him as a friend on facebook, and I actually pray for him and what is going on in his life. I don't stalk him, but see what is going on. I know I need to be careful.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[Criada]

I'm sorry that happened, sweetie. You dealt with it really well, and it was very brave of you to share what happened here.
Praise God it didn't go any further, but it was still a sexual assault, and you are bound to feel violated and uncomfortable being near him.
It wasn't your fault, sweetie, in any way

I don't know whether you could do this, but it might be an idea to write him a letter telling him how you feel... so he knows and doesn't treat another girl the same way!

Praying for you, very much, and here if you need to talk, PM me any time