Turned down a guy/accused of being anti social?

[Lifeisagift]

My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. That night he invited me out w/him to a symphony for the next day, just him and I. I turned him down and when I told my family what happened, they jumped down my throat and told me I was missing out on a social opportunity. Most important, I have a bf and I know he would be hurt if I went alone w/a guy to a concert. Also I don't find him all that interesting anyways, even as just a friend. Had this been a group thing, I wouldn't have said no. What in the heck is my family's problem? They find it weird that I wouldn't want my bf going alone w/some random chick as a social opportunity. This kind of stuff is extremely frustrating and makes me feel self conscious.

 

[WESTOZZIE]

Stay true to your heart.....pressure from your dad can strengthen you in this regard....keep forgiving him.....what he is saying to you is most likely what he accuses himself of....I know, I am a dad too!

 

[dzheremi]

I don't get it. You can have social experiences with people you actually want to have them with instead...I don't know about your family dynamics, but if anyone in my family tried to pull that on me, I'd tell them thanks for the concern, but it's not your business how I live my private life. Not saying you should say that, but gee...you'd think that the fact that you already have a boyfriend might assuage their fears that you are somehow anti-social...unless you two met at a mixer for loners or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[ItIsFinished!]

You did the right thing by not going since you have a boyfriend .
Pretty simple.

 

[Lifeisagift]

I don't get it. You can have social experiences with people you actually want to have them with instead...I don't know about your family dynamics, but if anyone in my family tried to pull that on me, I'd tell them thanks for the concern, but it's not your business how I live my private life. Not saying you should say that, but gee...you'd think that the fact that you already have a boyfriend might assuage their fears that you are somehow anti-social...unless you two met at a mixer for loners or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The thing is that I have struggled making friends. I've had a handful of crappy friends. I'm not that desperate where I will pick random people to hang out w/. Plus I will not risk hurting my bf just to have a social interaction.

 

[eleos1954]

My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. That night he invited me out w/him to a symphony for the next day, just him and I. I turned him down and when I told my family what happened, they jumped down my throat and told me I was missing out on a social opportunity. Most important, I have a bf and I know he would be hurt if I went alone w/a guy to a concert. Also I don't find him all that interesting anyways, even as just a friend. Had this been a group thing, I wouldn't have said no. What in the heck is my family's problem? They find it weird that I wouldn't want my bf going alone w/some random chick as a social opportunity. This kind of stuff is extremely frustrating and makes me feel self conscious.

You did the right thing. Do your parents like your bf? My parents were always trying to steer me away from my bf ... who became my husband ... because they didn't like him. I just learned to ignore them in that regard.

 

[Lifeisagift]

You did the right thing. Do your parents like your bf? My parents were always trying to steer me away from my bf ... who became my husband ... because they didn't like him. I just learned to ignore them in that regard.

They actually like my bf, so I know its not that. I think in future if I make a decision, they won't hear about it.

 

[Willie T]

My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. That night he invited me out w/him to a symphony for the next day, just him and I. I turned him down and when I told my family what happened, they jumped down my throat and told me I was missing out on a social opportunity. Most important, I have a bf and I know he would be hurt if I went alone w/a guy to a concert. Also I don't find him all that interesting anyways, even as just a friend. Had this been a group thing, I wouldn't have said no. What in the heck is my family's problem? They find it weird that I wouldn't want my bf going alone w/some random chick as a social opportunity. This kind of stuff is extremely frustrating and makes me feel self conscious.

So, why did you even mention it to your family?

 

[eleos1954]

They actually like my bf, so I know its not that. I think in future if I make a decision, they won't hear about it.

ok ... it's great they like him .... I think in future if I make a decision, they won't hear about it. Sounds reasonable ;o)

 

[SleepingAtLast]

You have the right perspective. It would be wrong of you to go to a concert alone with a guy who isn't your boyfriend. Your family is definitely not being helpful, but it is worth noting that your family's jabs bother you. If you didn't think you had a problem socially, what they are saying wouldn't bother you at all because you know it's not true. I'm not saying that it means you are anti-social, and it actually doesn't sound like you are, but usually when something bothers us like that there is a reason. It sounds like maybe you are unsatisfied with the state of the friendships in your life and maybe that means you start to seek out more friendships or deeper friendships with people.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

All couples have guidelines.
You're following yours.
No shame in that.