TTC and a Questioning Hubby

[Niffer]

So I have had the baby bug for a good several months now.
My DH has been trying to get me to calm down and not rush things.
Now I don't think I'm rushing at all - we'll be married a year next month, and I would like to start a family.
Something he wants also - however, he is perfectly fine waiting 5 years before we even try! Something I'm not so big on.
I've been talking to him more, and we're now considering ttc in the fall.
But he does that a lot - consider, I mean.
He's very logical and will think, and think, and think....and then think some more, while I am on the edge of my seat waiting for a decision.
It's frustrating as heck!
I've heard that men never "feel ready" until it happens (pregnancy I mean) Is that true?
What can I say to him to calm his worries and fears?

Thanks a bunches!
- Niffer

 

[Leanna]

If he wants to wait, I think it would be good to wait. You don't want to push him and have him be resentful.

You are lucky to be so young and have so much time.

 

[Catherineanne]

So I have had the baby bug for a good several months now.
My DH has been trying to get me to calm down and not rush things.
Now I don't think I'm rushing at all - we'll be married a year next month, and I would like to start a family.
Something he wants also - however, he is perfectly fine waiting 5 years before we even try! Something I'm not so big on.
I've been talking to him more, and we're now considering ttc in the fall.
But he does that a lot - consider, I mean.
He's very logical and will think, and think, and think....and then think some more, while I am on the edge of my seat waiting for a decision.
It's frustrating as heck!
I've heard that men never "feel ready" until it happens (pregnancy I mean) Is that true?
What can I say to him to calm his worries and fears?

Thanks a bunches!
- Niffer

I think I would say that the most fortunate children in the world are those who are wanted and planned by both parents. So if it takes a few months, or a year or more, for your h to feel ready, then it is well worth the wait.

Meanwhile, there is no need to feel you are in a kind of limbo. Your own personal health matters hugely to the wellbeing of your potential child, so perhaps you could turn to creating a healthy eating and exercise plan for yourself. Aim to be in the optimum health you can, when you conceive. You can read baby books about this, and without obsessing there is a lot you can do already, such as going swimming once a week, and cutting down on junk food and such. Then you will feel you are moving towards a healthy pregnancy, and your h will not feel under pressure to make a decision on this.

You can also do research on how to conceive. It is certainly not always as easy as people imagine. The more you find out now, the easier it is likely to be for you, in the end.

 

[BookwormPrincess]

Hi there,
Since you are still very young I would say wait until your hubbie is 100% behind you, no matter how long it takes for him to come to a decision (within reason). Because once you have a baby, from the moment they are born, your life turns upside down and nothing is ever the same again. Don't get me wrong, having a child is wonderful, but there will be many things that you can't do in the same way as before you had a baby that maybe you take for granted now while you are childless. You've not been married that long, so maybe you should take the time now to treasure your special time together, go to movies and meals out, take long walks and have leisurely meals, enjoy lie-ins together and just basically do all the things that will be a lot harder when baby comes along.

Spending time now in the early years of your marriage cementing your relationship and love for one another is vitally important in preparing a home for future children, and like someone else said in an earlier post you can be doing a lot in preparation for conceiving.

We had been married 3 years when our baby came along, and even though I had wanted to try for a baby after only being married a year (like you I had the baby bug) I was glad that we waited another year to create some special 'us' memories. My son is 18 months old now, and it is only recently that we have been able to get any 'us' time again.

I hope you and your husband come to an agreement about when to start trying for a baby.

 

[believetheunseen]

Hi
I just wanted to pop in and say I know what you are going through... been there!
When we were first married, we didn't want children right away because we were living on my part time income and my husband was still in school.
But since then, he has gotten a good paying job and we now own a home. He still wasn't ready, because he didn't think he'd be a good dad. I've always wanted to be a "young" mom, since my mom was older when she had me.
I wanted to tell you-- pray about it and be patient and it will happen sooner than you think. I know you want kids now, but you will see how much God will bless your patient heart if you wait for your husband and respect his decision to wait.
Just this weekend my husband and I had our first official talk where we were both considering pregnancy not as a "yes, sometime in the future" scenario, but the real-deal, happening now sort of situation. We are going to start "TTC" as they call it here very soon. I'm so excited and I'm glad I waited patiently for him. We got 3 years of just enjoying each other and solidifying our marriage before adding another to the mix. Not only that, but when he is talking excitedly about holding a little girl (we are hoping for a daughter, though of course we would love a son), it makes me much more excited and makes the waiting worth it.
He may never be "ready" 100%, my husband is still horrified at the idea that he'll be a bad dad, but encouraging him that he won't be has helped that, and now he is ready to at least try.
I pray that if it's Gods timing that your husband will want children soon, and I pray He'll give you the patience if there is another plan in mind.

 

[Nobility]

I just want to COMPLETELY agree with the above post. I could've said I want a baby now, anytime from about 9 months married and he'd have said ok (he said as much) but he wasn't ready and I knew that. I decided to wait til he was and in one month of thinking we were accidently, he said he'd like to (and I jumped at it!!).

Assuming I get pregnant now, we'd be married 4 years when we have a baby, and to be honest, I thought that was a life time when we got married, now it feels so short (yet 4 years away still feels very long!).

Hugs and keep on finding other things to do to try and keep busy, and prayer and talking about it with real people (not hubby) truly does help