KevinesKay
Active Member
Wow. I think you're on to something. I don't think you are misinformed. This is just my opinion, but I believe that brain chemistry does play a role in what things motivate us. What's going on in my brain is very different than what's going on in yours.
In response to some of your inquiries, I am agreeing with you. I believe testosterone does drive the physical s*x desire to a higher degree. So that can be a challenge for some men to not give into this desire and thus act against their moral beliefs.
P and other forms of s*xual acting out tap into that animalistic desire for me to have physical s*x; no emotion; no relationship; just the physical act. It creates an extreme, intense high. And thus, trying to quit P and MB, has been incredibly challenging during my life. For most of my younger years, I failed to stay sober.
And you're seeing that this is really hard for the man in your life. For me, it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with... period.
I've been through a handful of counselors, but they weren't as effective as fellowshipping with other PAs. There are a number of 12-step groups that address s*x and P addiction, and they were a great resource for me. Currently, I'm a member of two Christian online support groups that address this addiction. It actually sounds like your boyfriend would get a lot from having such support. It's out there, he just needs to keep looking.
My buddies and I challenge each other to:
1) Not do this alone. We call each other on the phone. We pray for one another. We share on the forum what's going on in our lives. Being accountable to one or two people in my life is not enough. I'm too slippery for that. I need at least 5 buddies that I can check in with throughout the week.
2) Set and enforce some good boundaries. I limit my access to the web. My computer time is strictly limited. My TV is locked down. I don't have a smart phone. My home is my castle. And I deserve a safe home environment. And I don't forget to list the good behaviors that I should be doing on my boundary sheet.
3) Make our lives count. Develop our hobbies. Practice self care. Take time for the Lord, and for our families.
For the record, I still don't know how I'm sober today. I guess God has been doing His part to protect me and give me strength every day. Because if I was doing this on my own, I would be back at it again full force. I've been sober from P and MB since January 4, 2015. And that's been a gift I don't deserve. Thank you, Lord.
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