I'll try to make a very long story as short as possible for the sake of getting good feedback.
My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years. Through those 8 years we've had 3 beautiful children, our oldest boy has autism and severe adhd. I was in the military, got out shortly after we married and now work in law enforcement. We met in State#1 and then moved to my home state (#2) for about 4 years and six months ago we moved to her home state (#3). So a LOT has happened in 8 years.
Like any marriage we've had our ups and downs and fair share of bumps in the road. We have gone to counseling both individual and couples a few times for various issues. I've always thought that each of us has tried to do anything we could to make our marriage work. I even moved to Texas for her because I believed it would help our family and our marriage.
Well, two months after getting here she told me she wanted a divorce. I knew our marriage still had some issues but I never saw it coming the way it did. We are now "separated" but still living together because we are a single vehicle family and money is tight. She has been a stay at home mom (by what I always thought was her choice).
We are currently a few months away from our rental lease being up and we cant stay after it expires. We originally planned to continue living together until she could go to school and get a job and help support herself. We both agreed our primary concern was giving our kids the best possible home. If we were to live separate right now we could not afford two decent households, she would have to go on public assistance and we would all take a serious step backwards in our quality of life as far as housing is concerned. And given my line of work the area we live in I refuse to let my kids live in any of the apartment's in this area because they are all a breeding ground for crime and drugs.
To make matters worse I'm struggling with this... I know she had (at least) an emotional affair shortly after we moved here and I know she has sent inappropriate photos of herself to the guy and two of her old boyfriends. She dosent know that I know, but I do know for a fact that she did. I suspect more happened but I cant prove it. I've confronted her with it but she won't admit to any of it... which scares me because I cant figure out if she's just scared to say anything because of my job or if its because she dosen't think she's done anything wrong.
So now I find myself in a position where I'm trying desperately to take the high road. I know if this winds up in court in a nasty divorce battle it could go either way. I've got just enough evidence to where I could make her look really bad and things would go well for me.... or it could be just enough to where the court see's it as me just trying to make her look bad and then it goes very badly for me. All I want is for my kids to be happy and safe. But right now I honestly worry about my wife's mental state and what kind of choices she is going to make in the future.
We are now trying to figure out where to go from here as far as housing is concerned after our lease expires. But lately it seems like we cant agree on much of anything. She is saying her life has been miserable for the last 8 years because she had to stay home while I worked... but I never forced her to do that. She always said she wanted to be a mom. Now she's almost 30 and seems to be having some crisis because she feels she hasn't accomplished anything with her life. I've tried to make her see that she's been a great mom and has raised three amazing kids but she's just tired of being home all the time now and dosen't even have patience for them anymore. They're little kids and it breaks my heart to see her lose her temper at the slightest thing.
I'm at a total loss of what to do or where to go from here, we keep fighting and she blames everything on me. I try to just let it go for the sake of not fighting... but at a certain point I cant take the BS and I defend myself. After that it all spirals downhill...
What do I do to keep my sanity and keep my kids taken care of?
My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years. Through those 8 years we've had 3 beautiful children, our oldest boy has autism and severe adhd. I was in the military, got out shortly after we married and now work in law enforcement. We met in State#1 and then moved to my home state (#2) for about 4 years and six months ago we moved to her home state (#3). So a LOT has happened in 8 years.
Like any marriage we've had our ups and downs and fair share of bumps in the road. We have gone to counseling both individual and couples a few times for various issues. I've always thought that each of us has tried to do anything we could to make our marriage work. I even moved to Texas for her because I believed it would help our family and our marriage.
Well, two months after getting here she told me she wanted a divorce. I knew our marriage still had some issues but I never saw it coming the way it did. We are now "separated" but still living together because we are a single vehicle family and money is tight. She has been a stay at home mom (by what I always thought was her choice).
We are currently a few months away from our rental lease being up and we cant stay after it expires. We originally planned to continue living together until she could go to school and get a job and help support herself. We both agreed our primary concern was giving our kids the best possible home. If we were to live separate right now we could not afford two decent households, she would have to go on public assistance and we would all take a serious step backwards in our quality of life as far as housing is concerned. And given my line of work the area we live in I refuse to let my kids live in any of the apartment's in this area because they are all a breeding ground for crime and drugs.
To make matters worse I'm struggling with this... I know she had (at least) an emotional affair shortly after we moved here and I know she has sent inappropriate photos of herself to the guy and two of her old boyfriends. She dosent know that I know, but I do know for a fact that she did. I suspect more happened but I cant prove it. I've confronted her with it but she won't admit to any of it... which scares me because I cant figure out if she's just scared to say anything because of my job or if its because she dosen't think she's done anything wrong.
So now I find myself in a position where I'm trying desperately to take the high road. I know if this winds up in court in a nasty divorce battle it could go either way. I've got just enough evidence to where I could make her look really bad and things would go well for me.... or it could be just enough to where the court see's it as me just trying to make her look bad and then it goes very badly for me. All I want is for my kids to be happy and safe. But right now I honestly worry about my wife's mental state and what kind of choices she is going to make in the future.
We are now trying to figure out where to go from here as far as housing is concerned after our lease expires. But lately it seems like we cant agree on much of anything. She is saying her life has been miserable for the last 8 years because she had to stay home while I worked... but I never forced her to do that. She always said she wanted to be a mom. Now she's almost 30 and seems to be having some crisis because she feels she hasn't accomplished anything with her life. I've tried to make her see that she's been a great mom and has raised three amazing kids but she's just tired of being home all the time now and dosen't even have patience for them anymore. They're little kids and it breaks my heart to see her lose her temper at the slightest thing.
I'm at a total loss of what to do or where to go from here, we keep fighting and she blames everything on me. I try to just let it go for the sake of not fighting... but at a certain point I cant take the BS and I defend myself. After that it all spirals downhill...
What do I do to keep my sanity and keep my kids taken care of?
