Trying to move on without alcohol but the temptation to drink is still there

[Bonnie77]

I stopped drinking abruptly in January 2014 (for the most part). Prior to that I had been drinking quite heavily. It got to the point where I knew the clerks at the liquor store and I wouldn't have to show my ID. Anyways I had a few slip ups throughout 2014. But I only drank to intoxication one time after January 2014.

I decided to stop drinking because I was using it as a crutch. I'd have a horrible day at work and would drink to unwind. In the past I have been on anti-depressants. I would use alcohol as a substitute when I was in a cloud of depression. The last straw was that I made a complete fool of myself. I got drunk, passed out on the floor and my friends had to take care of me. That was New Year's Eve 2014. Enough was enough.

Being sober has helped strengthen my faith. I found a nice church and have made a group of Christian friends. There's no drinking when we hang out so that's good for me. Unfortunately my work friends drink and try to get me to drink. I haven't told them I used to have a drinking problem. That would get them to stop pressuring me... But admitting that could be considered a self disclosure and be added to my personnel file.

I've been struggling lately. Work's been kind of rough and I'm not on my anti-depressants. Money has been tight and I've had to borrow money from my parents. I've been tempted to start drinking again. But I think I have the strength to move on without resorting to alcohol. It'll have to be without therapy/anti-depressants because I can't afford either at the moment.

I'm single but I'd like to make an effort to date and find a good Christian man. But do I need to disclose my troubles? I don't know if I'm technically an alcoholic or not. Alcohol is apparently a weak point for me and alcoholism runs in my family. I'm afraid to get close to men because I have a feeling my alcohol problems will scare them away.

Do you have any advice for me? I know that I need to stay strong and involved in my faith. I was out of touch with my faith when I started to develop these issues. Do you think I should go to AA meetings? I can't tell if I just struggle with binge drinking or if I am indeed an alcoholic. I've never been arrested or involved in any alcohol related incidents. And I can't count the days since my last drink. So I don't know if AA meetings are right for me or if the members would think I was a phony.

Thanks for your help.

 

[Saul Hudson]

Hi Bonnie!

Congratulations on doing so well! I think with a little more information you will be able to finally say goodbye to these thoughts!

I am glad that you recognize that despite the reasons you were drinking, the alcohol was not fixing anything. I am also so happy that you got embarrassed enough to give your best efforts to stop drinking. As you know, alcohol causes so many problems and it's best for most people to just avoid it all together.

So I want to tell you a few things and hopefully this information that I offer will help you. Everyone is different, so all I can do is offer some advice and pray that it is right for you. The main reason we drink is to feel the pleasure that the drug gives us. If you can remember the first time you drank, the warm, deep buzz pleasure that hit your brain and your body is real. You eventually get used to it, but if you stop for a long time and then have a drink again, you will feel that deep pleasure from it in your brain and body. This is the reason why we drink. This is the REAL REASON why we drink.

There is a small part of your brain that thinks it needs things to survive. It thinks it needs air, water, food, etc.. Of course, it is correct when it thinks this. You need food and water to survive. So when you get hungry this part of your brain kicks into action and tries to get you to eat. I tells you things like, "I am hungry." "I need to eat." You literally hear this voice in your head and you think it is your thoughts - you think it is you saying saying those things. But it is not, it is this part of the brain suggesting to you that you need to eat because it wants to survive. To prove to you that it isnt you, let's say you're at work and you cant leave until 5 pm to get dinner. Your brain is telling you it's time to eat, but the real YOU is saying, "I cant, I have to wait until after work." and so you wait and wait. Your brain starts screaming at you to eat - but you continue to tell it that you can't. Do you listen to it and leave work and get fired, or do you control it and eat when you want to eat? You get the picture. The real you, what you want and what makes you most happy, is in charge. You do not have to listen to the part of the brain that is just giving you suggestions.

Now, when you decided to start taking the alcohol drug, your brain felt this deep pleasure that I spoke of earlier. Then you chose to keep drinking, over and over, until the part of your brain that thinks it needs certain things to survive decided that it loved the alcohol feeling so much that it needed it to survive as well. From that point on, it starts sending messages to you to get you to drink alcohol. Every time you drank IT felt that deep pleasure, though the real you may have been used to it by then. So it craves that feeling and tells you to give it that pleasure.

It tells you that you had a bad day at work, you need to drink. Or it tells people they have a bad marriage, mean boss, need to relax, cant have fun without it.... and on and on and on! And we listen to this voice because we think it is us! We think these are our thoughts. This goes on and then we realize that alcohol is causing us many problems. We decide it is no good for us and we want to stop, but we find that we CAN'T! Then our brain really kicks in and keeps convincing us to drink by telling us nonsense about why we need the drug.

Now once we know this, we are empowered. Once we know it is telling us lies and that it isn't really us, we know we have power to make it stop. We have the power not to listen. We know the real reason for the drinking and we no longer fall prey to the lies it tells us. It will tell us anything it possibly can to get us to drink because it cannot move your hand for you and pour the drink in your mouth. You have to move it, it just has to trick you into doing so. So tell it to stop, feel free to use horrible, obscene language when you speak to it, TELL IT TO STOP! In fact, right now it's probably telling you that it cannot be that easy, but it is. Try a little experiment. Sit down with a pen and paper. Say out loud a few times, and mean it... say you are never going to drink again. I am never, ever going to drink again. NEVER AGAIN! And see what happens. Sit back and listen to your brain give you excuses as to why you can't possibly drink again. Write down everything it says. Then go over your list and determine if the things your brain told you are true or not. You will quickly see that your brain is lying to you! Again, you will then be empowered to be in control over your body and this part of your brain that deceives you.

When I learned this, I stopped drinking immediately. And I was no part-time drinker. Years and years of constant drinking and now it's been over 5 years since I have had any. Not only that, but the cravings were gone. Once I dominated and controlled the addictive voice, it was gone. I have never desired alcohol again. In fact, I despise it and cannot believe I ever poisoned myself with it.

You are right where you are supposed to be, my friend! You know you don't want to drink and you know the cravings are trying to trick you. Now put that voice away for good, make a covenant with yourself that you will never drink again, see through the lies your brain will try to tell you, and watch the cravings disappear.

Much love to you! Feel free to message me with any comments, questions, or thoughts. Thanks!