trying to heal a hurting heart

[mitsu_vr4]

i am new to this site. my girlfriend and i recently split up and its been very hard for me at times. i feel that she has gone back to her old ways in a sense. i know i need to move on but i care for her so much its hard to. we are currently not talking for a month but part of me is afraid to talk to her when we said we would talk cuz im afraid that ill heat things i dont want to hear. so why do i want to put myself throught even more hurt considering im trying to get over this and its the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. when a person falls in love with someone and for it to not work out is painful. theres so much more to this story but i just wanted to put this out. if anyone has anything to say or any helpful tips please let me know. sincerely,... Hurting

 

[purple85]

Hi there.

I can easily sympathise with you, as I myself have been through a situation like yours.
I was with a guy who I had begun to feel strong feelings for, and about 2 months ago things ended. I took it fairly easily at first, and we said we would remain friends. However, a week passed, and he told me he and his ex girlfriend were back together (btw they had been together for a long time previously and were engaged, but ended it for whatever reason a year before i got together with this guy). But anyway, i did struggle for the next 4-6 weeks with a whole host of emotions and i couldnt seem to get things clearly in my mind. I talked to Christian leaders in my church which helped me to see different points of view, but i still could not control all these hurtful confused feelings i was having. I eventually realised that a large part of the hurt was because i had begun to place more importance on the relationship than on Jesus, and it had therefore been the thing that i devoted the large majority of my time and emotion to. So hence when it ended i felt completely distraught. In that lowly place I learned that Jesus needed to be the most important thing in my life, and that my security needed to be in him. I have since surrendered the situation to him and he has healed me of hurt. Obviously I still suffer some of the consequences of giving a piece of my heart away to this guy, I have now learned a lot through the situation, and so im learning to be content being single and growing in Christ, and when another man comes my way i will be ever more careful to guard my heart, and to keep Jesus as my focus and devotion.
Hope this helps...
If you have any more questions about how i coped with my particular situation i am more than happy to answer them....

 

[AlanBoB]

I feel for you... I've been involved with a woman that I love. There was no commitment however, she saying she wasn't ready for that in her life right now, that she needed to focus on college and work right now. The obvious inevitability of this is that shes eventually going to get asked out by someone else and possibly start something with them. I started stressing out, considering the possibility, trying to prepare myself... and debating whether its worth it or not... but of course being in love its unbearable to think of forcing yourself away from the person... She realized this and we talked and she kept telling me to not worry about it, that she can't commit, but nothing to worry about... she promised she'd tell me if anything happened with someone else.

well this last weekend she went out on a date, she didn't tell me because she didnt want to hurt me, normally we'd be hanging out but she asked if it was ok to have a day to "herself" to be alone and hang out in her "pajamas" all day. the day before I took her out for her birthday and could tell something was on her mind, I surprised her and got her a large gift (something I knew she wanted for a while) and took her to eat and movies (shes away from family so wanted to make her birthday special)... so she couldn't get the words out then... the next day I talked with her I was stressing out some over our situation, how I loved her but she wasn't commited to me (and admitingly I was very commited to her)... well I found out a very bad way, couldn't get ahold of her that night... so talked with a friend, he couldnt get ahold of her, she has never 'ever' not had her phone with her (she rooms with another lady so its a safety thing, she calls us sometimes when she walks to her car etc etc... so she keeps her phone with her and on at all times, even while asleep)... so we were worried, they went over and after 4 hours of worrying I heard from them that her roomate said she was on a date... after a day of stressing from the situation, then 4 hours of worrying about her that had to be the worst way to hear about that...


needless to say I'm in the same boat, The only thing I can say is that the only moments of peace I have is when I place all my importance, energy, and trust in the Lord... like purple said, put the Lord first, not your feelings for another person... that was my mistake, and am trying to rectify that... I need to just let her go, the Lord will bring her back to me if he wants that, but most of all at a time like this need to drop all 'your' wishes and desires, your what if's, your why's, and only if's... and trust in the Lord's will...

being sad is good at times, but too much is very very bad, force yourself to smile some and remember that happiness is a state of mind, its to easy to be satisfied with being sad, or even want it.

 

[rogsr]

You feel so horribly because you loved her very much, with your whole heart. I suffered from this when I broke up with the first girl that I had ever really loved. It hurt for months and months, and sometimes it still bothers me from time to time. The death of love is extremely painful and you are going to want to fill the void in your heart with anything that will fit. Nothing will fit so don't pick up any bad habits, such as drinking for example(a popular filler). You will also probably get very close to the Lord in this time because you are going to need Him to make it through this in tact. Don't expect to feel better anytime soon like tomorrow or something, I'm sure you already know that. Learn to let the pain flow through you like a river, don't let it become a part of you. This too shall pass, and don't forget that all things happen for a reason and your Father has a plan for you. He wants you to be fulfilled, in your love for Him and then in your love for your future companion.

Peace, and feel free to PM me if you want if you get to a hard spot-

 

[brinley45cal]

Alot of folks have been where you are.And its kind of acward to talk to someone you have just split up from.It is possible to have a friendship type relationship like that but i dont see it happen much,to many emotions and you will have one who didnt want to break up to begin with and still has strong feelings for the other and it just makes it real difficult.Some people can do it some cant,some times the two ending up back togather,no one can really say which one will happen.All you can do is pray about the situation and see what happens,but if you know in your heart that it isnt meant to be then its best to just let them go,theres no sense in putting it off and put yourself through the misery when you know its not going to work out and wasnt meant to be.God could be putting you in a position to meet the one right for you,you may not see that right now but when it happens you will be like"Now i understand".Hang in there if its meant to be it will work out if not you know thats something better is on the way.God Bless.

 

[TheMainException]

My love to you dear brother! How much my heart feels for you in this time of pain. I have never gone through such a pain of a breakup and therefore cannot offer advice...but I can offer you what I do have...my prayers. I hope they reach you well.

 

[silentpoet]

Your heart is your heart. It is a precious fragile thing. However it is also a thing of great strength. You will grow more able to bear the pain. It won't go all the way away, but in time it will be alot less. You will know joy and love in the future.