trying for a child?

[kallygilrie]

So my husband and I just married a month ago. We've been together for 3 yrs total. Prior to getting married we moved in together. After we moved in together we found Christ and vowed to become absenent. We lived this way for a yr before finally walking down the aisle. So we had a yr to talk about what our plans were after getting married. We both agreed that we would love nothing more than have a child right away. This is where the problem lies. I asked him today if we were actively trying or if we were just hoping for the best. After looking at me like I was crazy, he says "God will provide". If we seriously want to have a child soon, theres many things we can do that I don't feel is going against God. Like charting my body and positions that are known to be better than others. He said he see's this as trying to take control from God. I said, if we do these things, God will still have the say in weather or not he will bless us with a child. I'm not talking about going to Doctors and taking drugs and all that. I'm also not wanting to get into the stress of "trying". I want it to still be fun and exciting but I also want to know if we are both on the same page. He seems to want to live on the idea of "if it happens than it happens". Having a baby to me is not just one of those things you do on a whim. It's a huge step. I have 100% faith in Gods plan. Is it wrong to actively try? Is this taking control from God?

 

[The Nihilist]

Sounds to me like your husband doesn't really want a kid just yet.

 

[Luther073082]

First of all most marriage experts would recommend waiting at least a year before trying for a child. Marriage is a big change and you should allow yourself some time to become comfortable in that change before you have another big change in having a child.

Now as to what you are doing if you are going to ignore my above advice.

I think what your husband is trying to tell you is "lets just have a normal sex life without using any form of contraception." In other words you arn't trying TO get pregant but you are also not doing anything to avoid it either. There is no problem with doing this. You don't have to go real deep into thinking about timing and other things that increase your chances in order to get pregant. You can just have a normal sex life while not using any contraception and eventually you will probably end up pregnant so long as you are both fairly fertile.

I don't think your husband is advocating not planning, you will most likely have 9 months to prepare for the baby's arrival. I think he's simpily saying that you don't need to make any special efforts to try for a child just yet.

I would disagree with anyone who used the "God will provide" excuse to not plan ahead. . . God provides you the capacity to plan and think ahead. If you know you are going to need $3,000 all at once in a year. You don't say "God will provide" and expect $3,000 to fall in your lap when you need it. Instead you say "God is providing" and you save money so you have that money in a year.

But again I don't think thats what he is saying, I think he's simpily advocating that you don't make any special efforts to get pregnant nor make any special efforts to prevent pregnancy. And thats not the same thing as not planning ahead.

 

[FaithPrevails]

So my husband and I just married a month ago. We've been together for 3 yrs total. Prior to getting married we moved in together. After we moved in together we found Christ and vowed to become absenent. We lived this way for a yr before finally walking down the aisle. So we had a yr to talk about what our plans were after getting married. We both agreed that we would love nothing more than have a child right away. This is where the problem lies. I asked him today if we were actively trying or if we were just hoping for the best. After looking at me like I was crazy, he says "God will provide". If we seriously want to have a child soon, theres many things we can do that I don't feel is going against God. Like charting my body and positions that are known to be better than others. He said he see's this as trying to take control from God. I said, if we do these things, God will still have the say in weather or not he will bless us with a child. I'm not talking about going to Doctors and taking drugs and all that. I'm also not wanting to get into the stress of "trying". I want it to still be fun and exciting but I also want to know if we are both on the same page. He seems to want to live on the idea of "if it happens than it happens". Having a baby to me is not just one of those things you do on a whim. It's a huge step. I have 100% faith in Gods plan. Is it wrong to actively try? Is this taking control from God?

I wouldn't get too obsessive about charting, etc. - unless you are TTC and have difficulty doing so more than a year after beginning to try. I think the point your husband is trying to make is to not take the fun/romance out of the lovemaking act itself by going all "we have to make a baby" about it. KWIM?

Plus - a casual poll of veteran moms will show you that the more conscious your efforts to procreate are the more likely it is to take longer to conceive. I remember TTC with my second child. I obsessed for the first 5 months and had no luck conceiving. I finally relaxed and just "let it happen when it happened" and voila - conceived the 6th month.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

I agree with Luther. In addition, if both of you are healthy and fertile people, it will happen with no extra effort needed.

 

[citizenthom]

Unprotected sex every day for a year results in pregnancy roughly 93% of the time, all other factors being equal. Yes, there are things that will make it more likely, but they are not really necessary. Start talking about fertility "tricks" if you've failed after a significant period of time.

That said, Luther's right: you should really be focused on the necessary adjustments of marriage right now and not having a child right away. And in particular, you should be more focused on thinking about sexual pleasure rather than fertility tricks this early in your marriage. Just have fun and let go in the bedroom; a pregnancy will happen in its time.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I say just enjoy the sex and you'll most likely get PG pretty quick.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

If you and your husband are healthy, having unprotected sex will end up getting you pregnant. Only resort to the TTC procedures if you have been having unprotected sex for a year and are not yet pregnant because if you've been having unprotected sex for a year and are not yet pregnant than something is most likely wrong with you or your husband. In that case talk to your doctor.

Also, what the other posters have said.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

You may find this thread to be of interest: http://www.christianforums.com/t7559200/

Read the whole thing and then if you still want to have a baby this quickly then go for it.

I, however, am cured of my baby fever for now